*WARNING!! Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!!
*Might is Right.
*There's only one thing to do at a time like this...STRIP!!
*Yes the Internet is the best way to make friends, but heaven knows who the hell they are!
*Bumper sticker seen on the road:"Cover me, I'm changing lanes".
*Venus is like, Roman for Babe.
*Double the power, double the fun!
*So much stress, no one to kill!
*As subtle as a sledgehammer hitting a granite table.
*Translation:"Flippin' 'eck" really means "F***in' 'ell"!
*I'm not deaf, I'm just ignoring you!
*Subtlety comes with a sledgehammer.
*Shin:a device for finding furniture in the dark.
*We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters would eventually reproduce the entire works of William Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this to be false.
*True story:Surprised while burgling a house in Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, over a nine foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison!
*Do something unusual today, achieve work on the computer!
*He said he ought to be strung up by his privates and shot.
*If at first you don't succeed, try politics.
*A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but laid down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend to be hurt so he could claim the insurance money. The car then rolled forward, crushing him to death.
*Not quite the full bag of Jaffas.
*Puritanism:the haunting feeling that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
*Daniel's advice to Ed: a)Never eat rubber, b)Never put a firelighter in your coffee, thinking it's a sugar cube.
*Stupid is:Trying to get into an R rated movie and asking for a child's ticket.
*I never get hangovers, I just stay drunk-Dad on one of his better days. (hehehe)
*I like to pick up hitch hikers. When they get in the car, I say, "Put on your seatbelt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."
*A metaphor is like a simile.
*Come to think of it, you're right! Youre always right! I'm not going to make any more decisions! You can just take over my life, you manipulative bitch!
*Life's a bitch and then you marry one!
*Fact: In Russian, the word "brat" means brother.
*The light at the end of the tunnel is really an oncoming train.
*(hero voice) I come to save you from crappy Christmas presents!
*Love is grand. Love is golden. Love is made in the back of a holden.
*If you want the best seat in the house, kick the cat off!
*Any given program will expand to fit all available memory.
*Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead.
*To err is human, but to really mess things up you need a computer.
*...Beware the fury of a patient man...
*Common sense isn't
*Why did the chicken cross the road? -It rolled a 64 on the Chicken Random Access Board. (If you don't get this, you're obviously not a DnD fan)
I appologise for my sick and warped sense of humour, but that's due to years of strange influences including parents, friends and the Internet!