Q: How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I can't say. It's oathbound.
Q: How many (hereditary) witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None ... if a candle was good enough for Gramma, it's good enough for me!
Q: How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: What's the best thing about Pagan friends?
A: They worship the ground you walk on...
A: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Q: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.
Q: Why was the witch thrown out of school?
A: She couldn't learn to spell.
Q:What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
A: You hear the broom boom.
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.
Bumper stickers and other one-liners
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures. (I saw this on a bumper sticker, sorry guys)
God, protect me from your followers!
SAINT: a dead liberal worshipped by living conservatives.
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Religious freedom means ANY religion (Pentacle)
Faith is a powerful thing. It often shuts off the rational mind
My other car is a broom (Broom w/Stars)
Witches do it in circles
Druids do it in Stone Circles
God is Coming AND IS SHE EVER PISSED!
Where's The Messiah When You Need HER?
(Nativity Scene) IT'S A GIRL!
Every day's a holiday when you're pagan!
Howl To Hecate
I drink from Cerridwen's Cauldron
My God's Is Always Horny
Have you confused a Christian today?
Halloween, a pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental Association
"You gotta love this place. Every day's like Halloween." - Mulder
On the Nature of the Universe (these came from TechnoPagan Haven - there are more there if you want to check it out)
Carl Zwanzig: "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...."
Douglas Adams: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
Albert Einstein: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Unknown: "Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."
Ten Ways To Piss Off A Pagan
1.Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.
2.Be considerate, rearrange their altar so it will look neat.
3.Blow out their altar candle if it is still day light.(No need to waste a good candle!)
4.Pick up their gems for a closer look.
5.Sharpen their dull black-handled knife.
6.Witness to them about the "true religion".
7.Untie the knots in their cord.
8.Take hold of their jewelry for a closer look.
9.Play card games with their Tarot cards.
10.Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.
The above jokes and things are taken from Brawen's Cauldron