APPLICATION FOR BECOMING GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS

First name:___________________         Last name(if known):_______________________
 

Address (where you live):______________________________________
 

Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________
 

Birthdate(yours):____________________
 

Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________
 

Color of neck:  Light Red( )  Medium Red( )  Dark Red( )  No Neck( )

Year of pickup truck:____________
                                  Do you have the following in your truck:
                                  Fuzzy Dice( )  Gun Rack( )  Coon Tail( )
                                  Filled ash tray( )  Used Condoms( )
                                  Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )
 

Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )
 

How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )
 

Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( )
                                                                     Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( )
                                                                     Right hand( )
 

Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( )
                                     Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )
 

Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )
 

How much smarter than you is your wife:
                50 IQ Points( )   75 IQ Points( )
                100 IQ Points( )  She Won't Tell Me( )
 

Does your wife wear:
                A Dress( )     Pants( )   Hot Pants( )
                Your Pants( )  Them Lawyer Clothes( )
                Nothing( )     Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )
 

Did you understand the previous questions:
                Yes( )   No( )   What does "previous" mean?( )
                Huh?( )  All of the Above( )
 

Color of wife's hair:  Blonde( )  Red( )  Brown( )  Black( )  Bald( )
 

Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )
(Check all that         Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( )
 apply)                     Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )
 

Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( )  Been Castrated by a Pig( )
                         Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( )
                         Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( )
                         Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( )
                         Had Fantasies about Gilligan( )
                         Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( )
                         Inhaled( )
 

Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________
 

Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( )        Past ten: Yes( ) No( )

Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:
___________________________________________________________________________

Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________
   

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From Nathan Mate's Humor Archive