The ABC's of ex-girlfriends...
A is for Arteries. You know, the
things that your ex-girlfriend
ripped out because she really didn't
care for you you twit she was only
after your money and could have given a
shit about you.
B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No
way. I really hope things between them
do work out. I hope they get
married and have 2 children that are little
devils and her hips get huge and his
eyebrows finally grow completely
together and they get fat and old
together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig. Remember
when you took her out and she
said "I'm not hungry" so you
figured you could take her to a nice place
because you were able to afford a nice
meal at this fine restaurant.
Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy
(you remember Uncle Roy the one
with the mustard stains on
everything). So you flip the bill and are
broke for the next two weeks and she
wonders why you were unable to call
her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends. That is what she
just wants to be. As if you can
even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny. Remember when she
looked nice and even had a
personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her. Odds
are I always will, unless she calls
me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim. This is her new
boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car?
Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why
does Jim want to date her? I think
Jim could do much better. I hate
Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
L is for Love. It's a great euphoric
feeling that exists between two
people and is shared upon by both
parties.
L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are
crazy. Lunatics are the last
people that actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked for.
N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?
O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.
P is for Pill. She said she was on
it. She lied. She is now suing you
for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
S stands for Stab. Stabbing would be fun.
S is also for Steve. Steve was the
guy that was sleeping with her.
Steve is a bad person. Perhaps
you should stab Steve.
T is for torture. Torture is what
she did. She tortured you with the
truth. She also tortured you with
lies. She even tortured you with whips and
hand-cuffs.
U is for Understatement. Saying you
hate that fucking bitch is an
understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That is the
primary reason you were dating her
in the first place.
W stands for Wine. Wine is
expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk
awfully slow though. After too
much wine she liked to fuck. But after
too much of it she puked; that is, from
the wine. Not the activity.
X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
. stands for period. Which is
a couple of weeks late, because she lied
to you about taking what P stands
for. It also means you won't get any for a
week.
(I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO Z)