There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

"Just a minute," says the rep."Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue..........."Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..............."My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of Ram: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak. In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the

There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up. WHY ? - B'cos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but nocar came to their garage. WHY ? - B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY ? - B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn’t move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi would not budge. WHY ? - B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ". Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"

Q: What do you do when a sardarji throws a pin at you?

A: Run like Hell........He's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why do sardarji's work seven days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What did the sardarji do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

A: He turned it over and used the other side.

Q: How do you confuse a sardarji?

A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of apiece of paper.

Q: Why can't sardarji's make ice cubes?

A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird?

A: He threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why did 18 sardarji's go to a movie?

A: because below 18 was not allowed

Q: What's the difference between a sardarji and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do you get when you offer a sardarji a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change.

Q: What do you call 10 sardarji's standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

Q: A sardarji going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?

A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a sardarji with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a sardarji with a tree banch in his brief case?

A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you see when you look into a sardarji's eyes?

A: The back of his head.

Q: A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A chap having seen blisters in both of his Sikh friend's ears asked him what happened to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes, the telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the receiver. Then the first fellow asked him what happened to his other ear, and the reply was "That fool called me again!"

You should be sure it is a Sardarji when somebody:

* Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.

* Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

* Sends a fax with a stamp on it.

* Was on the corner giving out potato chips yelling "Free Lays!"

* Tries to drown a fish.

* If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get change.

* Thinks socialism means partying.

* Trips over a cordless phone.

* Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he put "Sagittarius."

* Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

* Studies for a blood test and fails.

* Invents a solar powered flashlight.

* Sells the car for gas money.

* Heard 90% of all crimes occurs around the home, he moves.

* Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

* Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport left", he turned around and went home.

* Got locked in Furniture Shop and slept on the floor.

Submitted by Bhanu Prakash, India

Santa Singh and Banta singh got fed up with Indian Government and Decided to blow up the Parliament. They put the plastic explosives in the back seat of their two door maruti and were off to their mission. Santa singh "Bantaiaaya! what if bomb went off right now?" Banta singh "Don't worry! I got a spare bomb in Trunk."

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says:"I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Do u know What Sardarji will do after taking Xerox ?

He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!

Do u know what sardarji will do if he wants a white paper ?

(he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did his exam. For that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!"

Banti was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices, " said Banti. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with

particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to

(a) build a bridge

(b) sail the ocean

(c) lead an army or

(d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?

(a) Jewish

(b) Catholic

(c) Hindu

(d) Polish

(e) Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and

the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in India's far north called?

(a) Westerners

(b) Southerners

(c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?

(a) Macy's

(b) a 7-11

(c) Canada

(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?

(a) yes

(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?

(a) Gujarat

(b) Russia

(c) Canada

(d) Pakistan

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?

20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting