(letter to Sarah aka:Word-up)

Hiya there girl
i know u r prolly wondering why i'm writing to u
well......if you have time to read......read on
if not....put this aside and come back later
i have a feeling this will be a tad bit of a long letter

ok......now.....
it started when i was a bit dumb and my virus detection program was crap
so i just stopped using it
so......after getting a virus i wiped my system clean
of course i lost my book marks and icq #'s
so...in the process of adding folks and stuff
i added u amongst others
and the only bookmarks i got r meanderings....bronte's rambling page, cy & your journal pages
so.......i'm reading in your journal today.......and well....... hmmmm.....where to start?
ok first....i don't usually say much to you when u r online because i figure u r busy.....or something maybe talking to cy and don't want to be bothered
and in all honesty i figure u never say hi to me......so maybe u just don't like me or something......and r too nice to say something like that.....well...i'm the type of person that it don't bother me if you don't like me but i don't want to bother you if that is the case ... i know ... ack@me for this but i know how u like honesty

ok next
i was reading in your journal about how things r for u
and well.....it made me cry
not the last entry..because u will get better.....prolly u r better by the time u read this
anyway i realize u an i r prolly a lot alike than not
i was reading 'bout how u wonder how anyone could love
u.........been there done that..and had lots of therapy for it too
i found the fist thing was to love myself and to accept what was inside me
and look in there and see i am really a good person and worth loving
it took a long time to get to that
good thing i wasn't the one paying for the therapy
lol
i also remember thinking everytime he said that i was smart i would think, "yeah right" to myself
but........i have found i am smarter than i thought
not as smart as some people but......i do have half a brain in there and i suppose if i wanted to use it i could which brings me to say......i will be starting as an electrical apprentice sometime hopefully soon as i was accepted into the union (with the highest score out of the ten others that were
there....*see**brain inside head* lol)
ok......umm....that's the other thing....i figured u were perty smart so.....maybe u wouldn't want to be with a dummy like me.....well.....there goes my self confidence i thought i had in me being smart
ack....ok so i know i'm not a dummy but compared to u i figured something like that

anyway....moving on......sorry to hear about your mum
i thought she had things beat last time we talked which was prolly over a year ago or so
kinda one of those things u can't do or say much about so often i just don't say anything except maybe the silent stuff like *hugs ya*
and so now i give u one *big huge hug*
hang in there girl
i found out last march just after my birthday that my dad had throat cancer
he went to radiation therapy and got real bad
he lost about 100lbs and he was a big man before
which is what the doctor said is the only thing that saved him because he could afford to lose the weight
ironically if he was average size and stuff he might not be here today
but being here today does not mean he will be here tomorrow
he told me last week he wasn't feeling well and he will be going back to the cancer clinic to see if there is anything else wrong or whatever
and his throat is bothering him and he is kinda scared
nothing like worring me now is there? if he is scared then that makes me scared!
he took things rather well the first round
my theory on all this and life is......anyone could die at any moment
we all know it will happen the problem with terminal sickness is we KNOW sooner rather than later
and knowing is the worst thing......but then again......it gives us a chance to apprecitate things just a little bit more and maybe not take things for granted
i told my dad HE HAD to be around for my wedding and at that time we (as in Pierre and I) had no plans to get married anytime soon except that we wanted to someday......someday....turned into 7 years!! Gawd, can't image how it got to be soooo long.
Oh wait, I can......mr. iwannagetmarriedwithouttheactuallygoingthroughwithitbutiwon'tadmitthattoanyonenotevenmyself!!!!
Anyway, I was so totally happy that we actually r gonna get married until the reality of it sunk in.....then i started the....will we make it stuff and god help us i don't know how i'm NOT gonna kill him in THIS lifetime cause he has this way of totally pissing me off and then i snicker cause i can do it to him and then i think SEVEN YEARS and we are still together how can we NOT make it? I can say one thing though.....we comunicate, we have trust and most of all we have love but i truely think u need all three....maybe more.....but i hope what we got will be enough. I know my beleifs are so...that i won't ever want to get a divorce and the hardest thing in my whole life would be to have to do that....so i will be determined to make it work and i have seen and know he is just as determined as i am.
ack...i'm way off topic i think
anyway u r very tenacious as i have been told i am too
so keep up the good work
and if u think it is right for u and cy then go for it
hell if i would let much stand in my way of true love though? i think not
i like him (cy)
he is very different from many guys i have met
something very differnet yet endearing about him
i really would like to meet him someday
an just for you to know......i have asked him to try really hard to be able to get here for my wedding
i asked coolbreezer (bryan) to bring the two of you as a wedding gift for me
he he
ok so that sounds kinda wierd i know
but....i told cy and he said he would try and that maybe someday it would be reversed
that i would be attending yours and his wedding
i really hope so
anyway......best of luck

your friend Christine
aka: Yahoo-run@themouth-chick
p.s. hope u don't mind but i might as well use this as my
journal entry for today too
*lazy me*
lol
and yes it is longer than i thought it might be
bye again
Christine