July 18, 1999 11:00 P.M.

Feeling totally like not writing tonight. But figured I might as well. Trying to sort out my feelings on this ceramic shop. I do want to buy it but I am worried about the cost and that it might be too much in the long run. Too much time and money and not enough back. I need an income or cut corners as it is. I know Pierre don’t want me to do it. He doesn’t think it is a good idea, he doesn’t think it will make that good of an income and that I would be better off getting a regular paying job. I realize at first that would be true. It takes time to get a business to make money. Although this one has a clientele already it has been down sized in general due to the failing health of the woman who owns it.
So.....what do I decide take the risk because I think it is something I want to do and I think it would turn into something much better if I expand and get things up to where it should be. I know it will do better than it is now and I’m pretty sure it will make a decent income. I really want to do this. On the other hand I don’t want to disappoint Pierre again. I do want to get working and start bringing in some kind of income so we can do the things we want to do. I hate cutting corners and scrimping to get by. I know I would have to scrimp a lot in order to get this business off the ground. I really think it could be worth it. It really is frustrating me that the only thing holding me back is Pierre. If It were up to me and only me I would do it in a minute. I know I would. They always say it takes a lot of work for little pay and a lot of sacrifice at the beginning of any business. I’m the type of person who could do that sacrifice and dig in to get it going. Using the balance scale of if the pay off in the long run is worth it, I would guess it would be. I don’t know if it is for sure, I would hope it would be worth it. *shrugs* I just feel it is one of those things you just need to look at carefully and then if you think it might be worth it, think about it some more and then if you think it probably will be worth it you should go for it. What if you think it isn’t worth it. Is it something that might be worth it. I think this thing might be or is worth doing. I think I’ll enjoy doing it. So why don’t I? Pierre.
I don’t mean to make Pierre out to the be the bad guy. He’s not. He’s down to earth and realistic. I’m the dreamer. I always dream of things and sometimes I let that get in the way of looking at it in the negative ways. I like being positive. I hate negativeness. Do you see it? I’m a dog chasing my tail. I’ve felt this way from the beginning. I think I’m gonna do it then Pierre talks to me and I think geez I better not.......but I kinda want to. Ruff ruff......just call me lassie.

Little note. I went to church today. I missed the last two weeks. Mostly because Pierre didn’t want to go. I’m so sick of him not going and saying he is gonna. It started after our wedding. On the honeymoon he says he thinks he should go to church more. I didn’t bring it up, he did. There’s a few other times he has said something similar. I was in protest last week. It was a concise decision not to go. I hate going by myself.

I’m also still in protest with Geo/Yahoo haven’t give in to having the two Id’s when they say you can merge it. Hence this isn’t being posted tonight and no sight in seeing when it will be. I doubt there really is that many out there that really care or really read this anyway. *shrugs* It’s not for them anyway. It’s for me.

My pen journal I keep.......did I ever tell you about that. I don’t know I can’t remember.
Anywho......I do but it’s nothing like this one. It’s my letters to God and the answers I think he would give me. Well......my pen journal is dropped off again. I want to get back to it. I wish if I can’t figure out an answer then God would give me one. Maybe I need to go see a psychic. *laughs*.......thought about spelling it as psychick...... . o O (wonders if that was funny only to me) oh well......time for bed........the two older boys are out in the tent tonight. The youngest is sleeping with me.

Good night
sleep tight
don’t let the bed bugs bite
lot’s o’ love
christine