July 28, 1999 Decision Day Today I decided. I decided to cut my hair. I decided to punish the kids instead of letting it go. I decided to buy the ceramic shop. I decided to tell Pierre. I decided to have back bone. I decided to be me.

I imagine Pierre won’t be to pleased to find my hair short. It’s to my shoulders. But it’s cute. I really like it. I imagine he didn’t like it either, when I told him I am going to buy the ceramic shop. Fact is...... I know he didn’t like it. He told me so. He also told me if I bought the shop I would go it alone, in more than one way. Well, I love him no matter what and if that is what he feels I am truly sorry. I don’t put conditions on my love. The only thing that would have stopped me from buying the shop is him and the fact that I would have wilted with no back bone. Today I found my back bone. I made up my mind and I can accept the fact he doesn’t like this. I know it affects him but I am me. I tried to reassure him and told him I would show him where every penny went if I had to but I was going to buy this shop. I told him, “I know it will make money. I know it will be hard work but I will make it work.”

I don’t care how much I have to struggle. I am going to get this shop and make it work. I told Pierre, “the first year is the hardest in every business, just give me six months to prove to you this is good.” I said, “Maybe this is the way to have you home more.” I hypothesized for him. I asked him to just give it a chance. I know he doesn’t understand. It’s impossible for me to tell him I will make so much this month and that month or annually. I know he won’t accept estimates either though. He wants facts.

Fact: It does make money.
Fact: There is already a client base.
Fact: I’m getting my money’s worth in the molds alone.
Fact: The operation cost is low.

Hypothetically: Anything is possible......good or bad. This could be a financial disaster. Or this could be freedom for the both of us to work together (and I know we could) and him to be home all the time. I told Pierre this too. (The good not the bad. He said the bad. I already thought about that.)

Other than this I’ve been keeping busy with the boys. Had to give them hell and stick with a punishment. (Boys.......*shrug*)

That’s it for today. Long days and nights. Mentally and physically. I exerted some stress in baseball last night whacking that dang ball out the field and running like hell to make it on base. Was truly good for me. I enjoyed it. Am tiered now......couldn’t sleep last night.
So......off to bed I go.
Take care and go safely
Lot’s o’ love
Christine

After thought: I know everything will be ok though. Really it will. = )