March 8, 1999 9:30 P.M.

“Hello out there”
*peeks through the monitor to see if there is anyone out there*

Strange days ahead i’m sure
nothing is has changed but everything has changed
reality sets in

I talk to my sister about the wedding, I talk to my friend, I talk to my other friend. Plans, arrangements and doing. I’m sitting here and I think, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m getting married.” The next thing ya know I’m picturing everything in my mind how great it will be. I don’t know how I’m not going to cry my brains out on that day. I don’t want to cry. It is a happy day and tears of joy and emotions I know will come overflowing without warning. That is the way I am. I cry at weddings........I’m gonna be blubbering at mine. I’m trying to instill thoughts of me not doing just that though. Trying to trick my brain into being good and strong for all this. I know it is the right thing for me and Pierre. Pierre seems to be happy about our decision. I told him I wouldn’t do it if he didn’t want to. At least in my own mind I did. lol I know he wants to. He has been really great lately. I asked him if he would help put the invitations together with me and he said he would. I was bored today so guess what? I put the invitations together. I did up a couple I wanted to mail out on Friday. I did the rest today. Just gotta go buy another pack of them there sticker stamps (the kind you don’t have to lick) and mail them all off. I really want to wait another week or so though but I’m getting where I want to send them anyway. You know like when you buy something for someone’s birthday and you just can’t wait to give it to them? that kinda feeling i got about sending them. I’m quenching that feeling by justifying that I can send some that are far away. he he
Also, wanted to mention my Mom called me yesterday to say she has made arrangements for a Lincoln to take me to the church and pick me up and all that jazz. very cool. was glad she did that. I also asked her Sunday about maybe doing a reading and Pierre’s Mom to do one as well. we will see Ok Btw.......I’m aloud all this talk about the wedding you know. Even though you might get sick of reading this and I might get sick of doing all this stuff. I am very excited about it. In the end it’s me and Pierre in front of God, our family and friends committing ourselves to each other for our lives. A very big deal for me. And a very big deal for Pierre. I don’t believe in divorce. We have got to make it work. And I think if Pierre and I both keep that in mind and keep our love for each other out there in the open we will make it work.

Now to change the subject slightly. Here is another big deal for me: I’m going to become Catholic. It’s my decision. I believe it’s the right one for me. I have been going to the Catholic church for about 5 years now. After I decided that it is the right church for me things have come about that I want to be Catholic. After I decided I want to become a Catholic I read things and am more convicted to my beliefs more than ever. Yes this section is about God. Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I’ve avoided writing about this in here. I didn’t avoid for any reason other than how to put it into words. Sometimes it takes time for my brain to put things into a perspective and that I can actually talk about it and explain what is really going on in my head. I do believe that we should take part in communion. At first I thought it should be done every Sunday, why would one miss out on such a blessing? Then I realized there is more than Sunday mass. And that you can take part in it every day. If the bread is the body of Jesus why would we not want that blessing every day or as often as possible. I haven’t taken part in communion since I started going to the Catholic church although there is only myself stopping me. Half of that is the fact, when you take it you should repent your sins hence be as clean of soul as possible. I have never done that. Yes, I have prayed to God for forgiveness for various sins. The point is I need to tell the priest. Why? So that I can humble myself before God and experience his forgiveness. It is like God saying to me he forgives me through the priest. Physical presence. The same as when I take the bread for the first time it will be as if it really is part of Jesus. Every time you do it is the same. The other thing for me is how can I do this when I knowingly am committing sins? The answer is stop doing the sins. The answer is not always that achievable. It is difficult to make changes in our lives. In reality Pierre and I having sex is a sin. How can I do this and know I will commit that sin? Try not to commit the sin, make a change in my life. So.....maybe Pierre and I will not have sex from now until we get married. Not likely. But I have a month and a half from the time I take this step to the time we get married. That isn’t so long now is it? I think we can go that long. Besides, Pierre isn’t here during the week. No temptation if he isn’t here to tempt me. Oh that darn tempter!
Anywho, the low down on all this is I am getting confirmation and communion during Easter Vigil. And my friends the final word is: if there is hope for me, there is hope for all. For if Jesus loves the little swallows then I KNOW he loves me too.

lots o’ love
God bless
Christine

P.S. the check mark system is now in effect
seems to be working today anywho
was nice not to have so much fighting and their rooms as cleaned up
notify me when there’s a new journal entry notify me when there’s a new journal entry