Sunday, August 23, 1998 6:00 P.M.

Hello
I'm in a strange mood today.  Deep thoughts keep coming up from my sub-conscience mind, and some not so deep thoughts.

Pierre and I went to see the priest on Saturday.  Things went well.  In all reality, in all my fancy free thinking I have never thought I would be nervous about getting married.  Is it the right decision?  Am I doing the right thing?   Will this last or will it end as so many other marriages do?  No one ever wants their marriage to end up in divorce when they get married.  I doubt they would have gotten married in the first place.  When Pierre and I first got involved, I told him I didn't want a relationship. I suppose I really did but was too afraid to try.  But it happened and it has been the best relationship I have ever been in.   So........does that mean things are fine and it all will work out.....or does that mean things can improve, the latter I suppose.  I know Pierre has tried his best and when things were starting to break down in our relationship he took the steps that were necessary to open the lines of communications for us again.  He made changes in himself to improve and thus make me happy.  Now, I am faced with trying to make changes in myself to make myself happy.  Happy is a state of mind.  We can not rely on others for our happiness.  But there are times that they can make us happy.   Most of the time Pierre does that for me.  He makes me smile 99.9% of the time.  Yes, life is good here but I am feeling the need for personal growth.  Hell, maybe it's just boredom from not working but I think I can make some improvements upon myself and put more effort into life.  The problem is figuring out what it is exactly you are going to do about it.  I suppose I have made a start.  I have made an effort to do a little more with the kids.  I would like them to grow up and see that life is good.  Ya ya I know, they are going to see the bad and the bad will happen but NOT on my watch.  Ok so I am deceiving myself.  But all I can do is pray that it won't, and help them the best I know how when it does.

Pierre and I will make it.  Because WE will make it work!  You know the priest said that only 1% of couples who go to church together and pray together end up in divorce.  Isn't that amazing?  The national average is 50%  go figure?

Doom and gloom is everywhere.......but I look for my ray of light.  And I see it in Pierre's eyes. 

Love ya babe! Ya I do. And that is for Pierre

Love Christine