Monday, June 15, 1998 8:25 a.m.

Quiet at last. The kids are gone to school. Pierre is gone to work. I get to do whatever I want. Unfortunately it’s raining out and raining good. No matter. I love the rain too. Just Unfortunate because it has rained for the last week, either in the morning or the early evening. I missed playing baseball last Monday and yesterday. If it doesn’t clear up by 5 p.m. tonight we won’t be playing again tonight. Which sucks...........cause I really enjoy playing. Maybe I will go to the Y today. Swimming off my ? can’t find the right word here. It’s not really frustration, stress or anxiety. The easiest way to explain it is a ball of something inside me bursting to get out. When I do laps in the pool or any other active sport it clears my mind. I guess, so I am told, it has to do with having A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) Although, I don’t have it too bad, I do have a mild form of it. The worst thing about having it is the frustration. Frustration that I forget things and remember the little unimportant things. Frustration that I pick up the phone to call someone and forget who I am gonna call. Frustration that I walk to the kitchen for something and I forget what the hell I went to get. So.......back to the living room and click goes the light and I remember again what it was. Frustration that I am a day early or a day late for an appointment. A few times I could look back and say that’s funny but the truth of the matter is it happens so often that it gets frustrating. When I do an active sport it seems everything gets clearer and I have a new page to start on. So........maybe frustration is the word I am looking for after all, except I don’t feel frustrated when I go to do my swimming or baseball. I just know it feels good to slam that ball out when I am up to bat and when I pull hard on the water and kick hard to make me swim. A funny story the other day shows how A.D.D. affects me. I went to the Monday night ball game (cause often it’s raining at my house and not in town 30 min. away) I called my team rep. He said the game was canceled and he just missed me earlier. We talked about meeting at 8 p.m. to discuss the team shirts. This was fine. since it was about 7 p.m. I figured I would drive to my mothers and scan a picture we were gonna use for the shirts, cause I wanted to change the colour of it. Well, so it figures that you can’t do something that normally takes you 5-10 min. when you are in a hurry. So........I left her house at 8 p.m. and was about 15 min. late for the meeting. No biggy really cause he waited for me and had a coffee while he waited. Good thing we agreed to meet at Tim Horton’s. Anywho, I hate being late and I am ALWAYS late. So then I get rushing and stuff and then I get hyper as hell and I gibber at a million miles a minute just like this. And he starts to look at me like I’ve gone off the wall or I’m on speed or something. So, I explained to him the reason I get so hyper, like I am is cause of this damn A.D.D. and he’s laughing with me cause I just have to laugh sometimes. I told him I’d be ok once I calmed down. And he offers to by me a coffee and my eyes get real big and I says NO.......I’ll never sleep tonight if I drink one of them. And we both laugh. So....then I dig in my pockets for some change and ask the other guy from my team to go get me an apple juice. So after about a half hour I calm down. And we got the shirt thing figured out and we all chat for about another hour. Then I go back to my mom’s to get that scan thing working which I thought about after I left her house the first time and it took me two minutes to do it when I got there. And she didn’t think it would work cause she was fooling with it after I left to see what she could do. And of course I talk to her for a half hour by then I am looking at my watch saying to myself, damn.........Pierre asked me if I could get home early and it’s now 10 o’clock. And about 15 min. later I get home and I know Pierre isn’t gonna be too happy. And he gives me this cold shoulder treatment. Not too bad cause I know how to get him to stop. He he. Then we both go to sleep happy. So.........that is a glimpse into one of my hectic days. I tell you it’s a world gone mad. Na......just me I guess. LMAO. So........here I sit on the brink of 30 writing this and laughing at myself cause..............i just do and deep down, the reality of it all is..........I like me and I like my world even if it does go mad. And trust me at least once or twice a week it does go mad. Often, I find there is so many things I want to do or need to do and just can’t seem to get them all done. And quite frankly, damn I forgot what I was gonna say cause I just checked the spelling on quite and realized i had quiet so fixed it. Damn...........see what I mean......lol. Anywho...... Yahooo!!!!!!!!! The rain has stopped now and the sun is trying so hard to shine through the clouds or cloud since it is gray all over and you can’t distinguish any clouds, you know what I mean one big gray sky and one big cloud I guess.
That’s it for now..............talk to you later. Love Christine

p.s. I always sign my journals like that.......like i just wrote a letter to myself or someone else lol in case anyone takes an interest to read this calamity. Oh and my spelling sucks but I can use the spell check on this............he he.........i love it.