1) Are birthdays haram to celebrate (darajat al tahreem?).

It is prohibited because it is imitation of the kuffaar and violation of the restriction on the Sunnah concerning eeds. This was dealt with in three different articles in Hudaa in the last two years, one of them titled "Birthdays?"

2) From Aqeedah #115-16, it would appear family members who are non-Muslim deserve respect, kindness, but not intimacy and love. Their religion is also not to be approved of (this is an item in itself). Is this what is claimed? If so, I can see only tension proceeding from such a relationship, for it is by design one frought with tension.

True. But the tension is not caused by the Muslims. Rather, by the non-Mulsim relatives who, as described by Allah (in the meaning): "Neither the Christians nor the Jews will be satisfied with you until you follow their religion." Muslims maintain kindness as a way of Da`wah, and to be good to those who were good to them.

3) According to the verse towards the end of surah Al-Baqara, if a Muslim were to borrow money from another Muslim (in other words it is a "dayn")then they should put it in writing, as well as including the terms of payment and have two people witness it.

True

Does this apply to dealings between Father & Son or Brother & Brother (i.e. first degree relatives)? Does for example the son of a Muslim have to put in writing what he borrowed from his Father?

Yes

If so, then what can be done if the Father refuses to accept such a setup and considers that there is no need for it? Likewise between brother & brother or brother & sister. (I mean real blood brothers)

You try your best to convince them to do it, without insisting too much as to cause hard feelings between the close relatives that offset the gain attained by applying that command.

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I have just read the questions and answers regarding lending money to your parents. Would it be better to give them money rather then borrow it. What I mean is our parents have fed us, clothed us and given us money to spend etc ... Now that they require money from us, shouldn't we give rather then borrow them some money. Also wouldn't this be wiser and showing more respect?

This question is not clear (English-wise). Anyways, it is definately better to give money to parents than to lend it to them. In fact, they own us and our money, as in the Prophet's hadith (You and your wealth belong to your father).

4) My questions concern taking on more than one wife. What are the man's rights to his first wife if he decides to take another wife?

His responsibility is justice and equity toward both/all his wives.

What are the rights of the wife in this situation?

The wife's responsibility is same as if she was the only wife.

Also if you would tell me where I can find the proof in Qur'aan and Hadith for the answer. Is it permissible to take another wife without telling the first wife and the marriage be halal?

It is permissible but cowardly and deceiptful. It could result in mistrust and other future problems.

5) >At what point is it appropriate to divorce if one of the partners >is not truly committed to the deen?

As soon as it becomes clear that the partner commits major sins like neglecting the prayers or drinking.

6) Recently there was a case in India in which the father was ordered by the civil court to provide maintenence to his son living with his divorced wife. My question is whether the child is entilted to maintenece from the father regardless of where he lives? No doubt the divorced wife can't get maintenence from her ex-husband, but what about the children?

Yes, they are the father's responsibility. However, he is required to maintain them in a way comparable to his level of living.

I read that according to the Shariah, the children go to the mother after divorce,

There are exceptions to this.

but if the father is not claiming them, then what is the situation?

They go to father's next of kin.

7) It is general belief that Walima is given as a celebration of the consummation of the marriage. Is it true?

No clear indication in Sunnah. It is held on the occasion of marriage. And since the consummation followed immediately, then you can conclude this. Thus, if the marriage contract is written, and the marriage is not consummated until one year later, the walimah is held at that later time.

When I got married, I didn't have the slightest hint about all these formalities. Alhamdulillah, my husband didn't believe in the above notion.

Not clear which notion you mean.

He said that in India, there is a belief that if the marriage is not consummated within the period of the hosting of the Walima, the Nikaah becomes haraam.

Absolute nonsense.

It was a total shock as to how can poeple belive in such vague ideas. Is there any Hadith which covers this topic (the period permissible without consummating etc...)?

No

8) A close friend of mine recently got a divorce. She made this decision as her last resort, and after reading Istikhara prayers. I can safely say she did her best to keep her marriage strong, but unfortunately, the guy didn't. They both went for marriage counseling by a Muslim psychiatrist in their community and sought the advice of their local Imam. My question is this, they both live in the same community, both prestigous and respectable families, how do you stop people [in the community] from spreading rumors, and blaming my muslimah friend when the only people who really knows what went on are families, local imam,and their psychatrist? If you can't stop people from talking, then what can she, and the rest of us, do? She is tolerating it very much, keeping her cool/patience,and always asking Allah SWT for forgiveness, mercy and help.

That is a wide question that we can suggest no simple answer. Backbiting and gossiping is one of the greatest sins that somehow Muslims seem to find for themselves excuses to do. A suggestion would be to ask the imaam to give a series of talks on this subject during khutbas, gatherings, etc.

9) Is a court marriage (in the USA with 2 or more male muslim witnesses) considered a Nikkah (both families have consented to the marriage, but say that the nikkah will be later, the cultural way)? Which one is considered a nikkah?

The consent of the two parties (ijab and qabul) should be done formally according to the Islamic teachings. If this is done in a kaafir court with the requirements of wali, witnesses, offering and acceptance, fulfilled, then it holds, otherwise it does not.

10) Here is the situation. After I got married, I asked my wife to move out from her parents to live on our own apartment. She told me to give her time. Now it has been two years, we have seven months old son. I asked her again about to move to our apartment. She said, give her more time. How much time do I have to give her? She is 27 yrs. old. She some times asked me to move out with my 7 months old son and she would stay with her parents. She does not care about the marriage. She still want to be with her parents. My wife does not want to pratice salat (pray) and cover her hair yet. How much longer do I have to put up with her? I fear allah. I do not know what to do? I pray to allah to guide me and my family to the straight path every day, and I still do not what to do. What is your sugestion?

It is an obligation on the wife to obey her husband in anything that is not wrong. So, if you want her to live with you, she must obey - unless your apartment contains some haraam such as mixing with non-mahram relatives, etc.

As for salaah and hijaab, they are obligatory in Islam. The one who does not pray is a kaafir by the text of the authentic hadeeth. And the one who allows his wife to be looked at and enjoyed by other men's eyes is a dayyouth (one without jealousy); an authentic hadeeth states that such man will never smell the Jannah.

So you should advice her in a kind and correct way, or have one more knowledgeable to do so. Once she understands the graveness of her deviation, you should give her an ultimatum to either pray and cover herself, or be divorced.

11) Here is the situation. I have been married for two years and have a seven months old son. Since I got married my wife does not practice religion. I mean she does not put on hijab and does not practicing salaat. Now she is filing a divorce at the court. I fear Allah so much,but I do not know what to do. I live with her parents. I 'm just waiting to see what is going to happen. Here is the question. Should I move out? Do you have any sugestion on this issue. Please reply me in the question section.thanks.

We recently answered a very similar question in some detail. Briefly, you should have given her advice and teachings, and if she insisted on her disobedience to Allah, you should have been the one to initiate divorce. If you are a true Muslim, you should not accept living with a woman who is not practicing Salaah, which is an act of Kufr.

12) Many among the Muslim youth pay little attention to the rights of parents and the gravity of the sin involved. But equally some Muslim parents pay little attention to the rights of the children. A distressed brother told me that all through his childhood his mother showed little affection to him and his sister and used to beat them for mistakes that others parents would look over. His mother always pours scorn over him and in times showing pity with him because he did not do too well in an exam the mother further dimoralises him by pouring ridicule on him. Even when he practices the Deen by attending the circles of knowledge, growing the beard and his sister wear the full black jilbaab the mother ridicules this as fanatism preferring the cultural Islam. The brother feels very depressed 'cos of the little love shown by the mother and father Are there any articles or works written by the ulema on the subject matter of the rights of children?

This is very unfortunate. The parents need tarbiyah as much as their children, or even more. For example, the Prophet (pbuh)said: "He is not of us who does not respect our elders, have mercy on our youth, and value our learned ones." Al-Quran was-Sunnah's Eighth Convention (Dec 94) dealt with the topic of tarbiyah for the whole Ummah. The tapes are available from our bookstore. Some of the lectures have been transcribed, but we do not have full records of them. A few articles dealing with this subject will be published in our magazines, starting with one on children education in the next issue (Aug/Sep 96) of Al-Muminah.

13) Can my husband (we're both Muslim) hug my mother who's non-Muslim? I told her they cannot, but am I correct? Can I hug my husband's father (whom I haven't yet met)?

She is like his own mother. And your father-in-law is like your father. Both are permanently prohibited to both of you. Both are mentioned in qur'an (4:24).

14) I have come across a case where the couple are looking into divorce. They have two children of ages 9 and 7 years. I have heard only the wife's side of the story. She says that the tension between them sarted about two yeas ago. She was livnig here with here parents while her husband was working in Saudi Arabia and awaiting his immigration. The troubles started during the years they spent separately. Noe though they are together, the husband doesnot financially support the family. The husband is a doctor and in his residency program. He doesnot speak to his wife and the kids. When he comes home, they(ie the wife and the kids) shouldn't show their faces to him. Allah alone knows what went wrong. The question the wife asked me to ask is as follows: What happens to the kids if they go through a divorce? Can she claim them according to Islam? The husband would not let go of his kids so easily, and the main reason is to cause trouble to the wife. What are the terms and conditions under which the mother can claim the responsibilty of the kids? If she gets to keep the kids, is it still possible for the father to bear the financial responsibilty? Note the mother is not allowed to work by the husband.

This cannot be answered without listening to both sides. And in conflict issues like this, a responsible and knowledgeable person should handle this matter and talk to both parties and witnesses before making his judgement. There is a recent 90-min tape on children custody from QSS by Muhammad al-Jibaly that you can order.

15) Is it permissable for me not to wear a headscarf in the presence of my husband's father? Is he considered like my own father?

Yes, he is like your own father.

16) My wife and I will be visiting our respective families. My mother has remarried, hence I have a step-father. Can my wife take off her khimar in front of him? And can she remove her jilbaab in his presence?

She must have full hijaab in his presence, since she was not raised in his house (cf. Quran 4:23)

17) Two sisters (in Islam) are married to one brother, co-wives. One wife tells the other wife things that she doesn't want their husband to know. In a situation like this, how could the sister resolve the conflict between having an oath to her co-wife and her husband's right to know what goes on in his households?

Since the question is not specific, so will be the answer. The husband does not have to know everything that his wife knows. But he has the right to know everything that has a bearing on the household and his position of responsibility and leadership therein.

18) Until what age are parents responsible for their children's actions? A brother was married and his wife left him and their daughter when the child was an infant, they were subsequently divorced. The brother married another sister when his daughter was two years old. They have lived as a family for 12 years, without any contact from the biological mother.

The girl is now 14 or 15 and she wants to get to know her biological mother. On vacation to the United States from Saudi the girl met her biological mother, whom she had not seen since two years old. The biological mother is remarried to a kafr and had another child out of wedlock and if she is a muslim or not is questionable. The daughter met her mother and decided that she wanted to live with her. After telling her biological mother that her parents keep her home all the time (she is home schooled) and is abused (she is disciplined), a court order was issued and the girl was taken from her father to live with her biological mother by police.

All this had taken place in the span of a few weeks. Now the brother and his wife have returned to Saudi and the daughter is with her biological mother in the states. Can the brother leave the daughter to her decision or should he take the matter to the Kafir courts to regain custody, in order to eleviate his responsiblity for her on the Day of Judgement?

The parents are responsible for their children's actions as long as they can influence them -- physically, by words, or by example. This is the meaning of commanding good and forbidding evil which is a mutual right among Muslims. But the direct reponsibility regarding the children's actions ends with their attaining puberty. From that time, they are considered independent, and fully responsible for their actions.

19) Who take care of the child, when husband and wife divorce? The wife does not practicing islam, but she has her parents live with her. On the other side of the husband, he practicing islam insha allah and have no parents but, have uncle's family live near by. What does shariah law say about this issue? What is your suggestion, if the wife goes by the court law here in the usa.

In Islam, a Muslim Judge evaluates the situation of the man and the wife and decides who is most suitable to take care of the child. Initially, the mother has more right, but many factors come into play necessitating that each case be dealt with individually.

20) I and my wife are living with her parents who do not pray. What should I do in this situation. My wife does not want to move out at this time.

You need to take up your responsibility as man of the house right away, by establishing your own house independently, and then inviting her to move in with you, which she must, and would probably be very willing to do once she sees that you have prepared a good dwelling for her.

21) What are the laws pertaining to child custody in _________? I live in _______, my boys are in __ with father. We are in the process of going to court, but i would like to know my chances of getting my sons. They are 13 and 6 years of age. Need to know as soon as possible. Thank you.

Sorry, we can tell you what Islam says about this, but we are not specialized in the legal family laws in various states.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
22) I always thought that sisters cannot be taken as co-wives, please explain.

You are right, as is the text from surat an-Nisaa. However, in that question, the questioner meant (as we understood), two sisters in Islam are co-wives, and not two blood-sisters.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
23) I am undergraduate at the University of Melbourne,Australia. I find the environment here to be morally oppressive. For this reason I decided to get married as soon as possible. But the problem is my parents don't seem to be agreeing with my idea.They say , if I get married it would affect my studies.I also like to inform you that, I am an overseas student and I live on my own but I have the ability to support my wife since I am on a scholarship.

Let your parents know

• that you feel yourself in great danger and fitnah, which could lead you to fall into sin
• that you are serious about marriage and will not change your mind
• that it is a command from Allah in His book (Surat an-Noor) and His Messenger (pbuh).

This may help convince them.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
24) When my wife is on her menstral cycle would contact with her or by sharing the same towel make me napaak?

Sorry, some of us here do not understand Urdu. If you mean by napaak that you break your wudu, the answer is no. It is a Jewish concept to desert women totally during menses and treat them like unclean objects. The Prophet (pbuh) used to touch and approach his wives during their menses, provided that they cover their private area very well.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
25) I married a recent shahadah who does not show initiative to continue to learn the deen. She is at times disobedient to Allah and his Messenger (pbuh), and me. I have heard the hadith which says that the dayuth (procurer) won't go to jennah. Should I divorce her now or is there a certain amount of time she has to learn and understand this deen?

You should have thought of all this before committing to the marriage.Now you have a responsibility to make wise and careful da'wah to her, perchance she improves. Otherwise, you would be giving her to Shaitan, and she may go back to kufr. Consult with some knowledgeable and mature people in your area. If, after this, you find that the situation is still hopeless, and may affect your Deen, then consider divorce.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
26) If a man married a women that had a baby out of marriage, and if this man marries this women and adopts this child is there any blessings in this? I read a hadith that the prophet Muhammad (pbuh)said: I and the orphan supportors are like this(and he lifted up his index finger-indicating that they are like one)

This hadith is authentic. And the child did not commit any sin to prevent people from being kind to him. However, you may not give the child your name. It should hold the name of the original father (if conceived through marriage) or the mother (if conceived through zinaa).

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
27) Is it allowed for a husband to work in the U.S. and send his wife and family to another country like Jordan, which is closer to Islam in practice than the U.S.?

This would help protect his family from fitnah and sinning. How about himself? He surely needs a wife to keep him chaste.

As I have been told its ok for him to send his family as long as he see them once every 4 months, even if it is only for 1 day. Is this really true? What about the marriage, does it have any purpose? And what if he want happens if he stays away longer than four months?

The 4 or 6-months reported from Umar (R) is the length of time thought to be reasonable for a husband to stay away from his wife during wars. No evidence indicates that this period of separation has a bearing on the marriage contract -- unless it is found that the separation is intended to harm the woman. However, how many people in our time can claim that they desert their wives for several months for the sake of fighting in Allaah's way?

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
28) is marriage compulsory or a person can remain a bachelor.

It is compulsory, since the Prophet (S) commanded it, and said that whoever dislikes his way is not one of his followers.

Added on: Nov 11, 1996
29) I have heard hadith referring to the prohibition of knowingly taking a name that is not that of your father...it is an act of kufr etc. My concern is that I was adopted at 6 weeks of age and I carry the name of my adoptive father. My biological parents were young and unmarried and they bith signed away their "claim" to me so that I would belong to another family, not of my blood relatives. Islamically speaking, is it better for me to keep the name I have as it is the name of the parents who raised me, or could I choose my own "islamic" name since the name I now have is not the name of my biological father or mother? Jazak Allah khair. If you could, please refer the answer to this to my personal email, as I would appreciate an answer as soon as possible. Also I would like to know the proofs from the Qur'an and Sunnah regarding this issue.

The are the following hadiths in this regard:

"Whoever attributes himself (as son) to other than his father, even though he knows that he is not his father, the Jannah is prohibited for him." Al-Bukhari & Muslim.

"No man who attributes himself knowingly to other than his father, but is kaafir by that." Muslim

"Whoever relates himself to other than his father, or gives tribute to other than his master, then on him is the curse of Allaahm the angels, and all people." Al-Bukhari & Muslim.

The aayah in al-Ahzaah (33:5) indicates that one should be attributed to his father, and if the father is not know, then to his walaa (allegience), which means the tribe or person whom he is most attached to. In this case, they used to say "mawlaa" (friend), like Saalem mawlaa Huthayfah. If this is not clear either, then he is addressed as the brother of the Muslims.

In your case, it seems that your parents are not known, and your closest allegience (before Islam) was with your adopting father. You could call yourself his mawlaa. For example, if his name is Mike, and yours Ali, then you are Ali mawlaa Mike. The problem with this is that you would be making a kaafir as your mawlaa, which is prohibited. Thus, the best seems to call yourself with a name that cannot be a lie, and most people will recognize that it is not your father's, so you would not be deceiving them either. Abdullah is a good example, since every human being is supposed to be a servant of Allaah. Thus, you can call yourself Ali Bin Abdullah for example. And remember that Allaah will forgive all except those who use false names intentionally and to deceive other, as is expressed in the same aayah of al-Ahzaab. Wallahu a'lam.

Added on: Dec 23, 1996
30) First, my wife and I are followers of the Malik's Madhab. We would like to know what the procedures for getting divorce are and the conditions, if any, for gettings remarried to each other.

Our first advice is to strive to follow the Sunnah regardless of what is the opinion of which madthab. To this end, you are encouraged to read the book on blind following in Islam, or the introduction to "The Prophet's Prayer Described". According to the Qur'an and the Sunnah, divorce is properly performed by:

• The man announcing it to the wife, in the presence of two witnesses (or he informing them of it later). This is a condition without which divorce does not hold.
• She is clean (from menses) and not having had intercourse since her last menses. This is not a condition, but is an obligation which, if not fulfilled, does not invalidate the divorce, but only makes it sinful. He may then take her back during her iddah (of three months) without a new contract. After the end of the period, they need a new contract to remarry.

Added on: Dec 23, 1996
31) If my mother calls me while I am praying a voluntary prayer...must I respond?...and is the same true for my father?

Yes, you must interrupt your prayer and answer them, because this is an obligation compared to the voluntary prayer. However, if you can tell from the tone of their voice that there is no urgency in their call, and that they would normally wish you to finish praying before responding, you can then shorten your prayer a little and answer them. For further understanding of this, we refer you to the story of Jurayj in issue 5/6 of al-Muminah.

Added on: Dec 23, 1996
32) If I pray salat-ul-'isha in the masjid with the jama'ah, and i return home and my wife has not prayed 'isha yet, is there any benefit, for her or for me, for us to pray this salah together? (obviously it would be her fard salah, and nafil for me)

You could do this, as Mu'aath used to pray Ishaa with the Prophet and then go and lead a Jamaa'ah soewhere else. In this case, you help your wife get the reward of Jama'ah, and you get a similar reward inshallaah.

Added on: Dec 23, 1996
34) I have a few questions. First I am not muslim but my fiance is,I have been looking in to different views about religion. And true there are a lot of interesting points and unanswered questions. He tells me the points he wants me to know. We are to be married in the near future (3 months) he wants me to pay for the whole wedding and sign a prenutial agreement, however reading some info. that isn't the islamic views at all about marriage, shouldn't he follow and live up to his religious traditions and beliefs. I also have another questions about holidays, birthdays and Christmas in specific I have an 7 year old duaghter and he/we just got coustody of his 8 year old son. They have always celebrated them and I don't have a problem for them to continue but I want to respect his beliefs what are the guide line. Please respond because this is the first or few of our problems or disagreements.

It is the husband's responsibility to pay for everything that the wife justifiably needs, including wedding costs. However, weddings nowadays involve extravagance and many expenses that are not permissible in Islam. As for the prenuptial agreement, it could be permissibe or not, depending on what he wants you to agree to. Birthday celebrations are not permissible in Islaam, even though many Muslims do it. We have discussed this in our book "Celebrations in Islam."

Added on: Dec 23, 1996
35) If a woman is taken by force from the town in which her family lives, and is forced to make nikah with the one who took her, is this a valid nikah? To compound the issue, if a child is born from this situation, what is the status of the child? If the sister's family helped her to flee the situation shortly after the child was concieved, is she legally married to the man who forced her to do these things (ie does she need to officially divorce him?)?

If this is a real case, then the marriage is invalid, because it was performed without her wali's (Muslim father's) consent. Thus there is no need for divorce, but there is need to announce this so that the people would know that they are not married. The child's status (whether he is the father's or not) cannot be determined until direct interview with both sides to find out what their intention and understanding was at the time that the child was conceived.

Added on: Feb 1, 1997
36) My brother wants to get married but can't due to financial reasons and wanted to know if he can take medication to prevent his desires? He feels it is worthless consulting with parents He is 26 and does not know what to do...Parents keep telling wait we will get you married but its been the same story for years now what should he do (he is going to college) lives at home and is financially broke(father is rich but of no good to him) keeps him on a shoestring budget college and food thats about it. He says he can not fast all the time due to his 14 hour a day studying. I am his younger brother and he frequently talks to me about how he wants to get married but can't...

Let him continue to fast, lower his gaze, look for a modest woman to marry, and make lots of du'aa. Some medications could have side effects and cause lasting problems. Wallaahu a`lam.

Added on: Feb 1, 1997
37) My friend recently purchased a book called, The Righteous Wife by Muhammad Shoomaan. I just can't help but notice that besides this book there are numerous articles, books, and commentary on having/being a righteous wife. I am not bashing or putting down any brother or sister who writes on this topic, but I think it is about time to have just as many articles on having/being a righteous husband.

In Islam it is not just the wife that should be righteous but also the husband, her mate. As Muslimas, we are taught by our religion and even our society to obey Allah and our husbands. Hardly, it seems, that the teachings of piety, righteousness, compassion, and passivity taught or stressed to the men of our ummah. In a marriage there are two people and not everything should seem to lay on the woman. How are we, as Muslimas expected to know/or look forward to in a husband. Numerous sisters have thought this. Yet, no one has probably spoken out. Also, why don't the brothers help each other and teach about the ediquettes of marriage from their side. Do they know their obligations? Do they even understand the seriousness of marriage? None of these show. When are we, the women, going to see such book(s) called "The Righteous Husband" published by the knowledgable of our ummah.

This is a very important and true observation. As a matter of fact, most of the problems that we see within families arise from the lack of righteousness in the husband who is, supposedly, the leader and guide of the whole family. We will try to deal with this in some of our publications -- inshaallaah.

Added on: Feb 1, 1997
38) My main concern is regarding my father. He does not pray, even on the Friday Jumuah prayers, or even on the Eid festivals, although he may do this sometimes. He is a very heavy smoker, despite the numerous operations he has had as a result of his smoking, and the advice he has recieved from the Doctors. The worst matter is that every night my father waits until everyone goes to bed, and then starts to watch pornographic videos for the whole night. He has a large collection of these in his possession. His behaviour has influenced my younger brother who also keeps pornographic material, but his excuse is that our father has it also. Although my mother is aware of this she does not stop either of them. I find the whole matter detestable, and have left home but not as a result of this, although it did affect my decision. What should my behaviour be towards him? How should I treat him? Does he still deserve the rights of a Muslim father despite his actions??

There is no doubt that your father is doing himself and his family a great amount of injustice. But the fact that he does not denounce Islam, and has prayed sometimes, seems to indicate that he is still Muslim at heart (inshaallaah).

As you know, one is required in Islam to treat his parents well, even if they were kuffaar and called him to disbelieve. This is not the case in your situation, as your father is still Muslim. So you have an additional responsibility toward him -- that of inviting him to Islam and obedience in a good and wise manner. With careful approach, you may be able to influence him, your brother, and the rest of the family. May Allaah help you.
M al-Jibaly

Added on: Feb 1, 1997
39) I have a question on temporary marriage. Is it ok to do this or not??

No it was prohibited by the Prophet (pbuh) when he conquered Khaybar, and he said that it is prohibited to the day of judgement. It is a form of zinaa or prostitution.

Added on: March 10, 1997
40) I have now been married for a couple of years. I was very young when i got married and my husband has been the first man which my parents let me talk to. I really had no choice but to marry him because my father said that if I didn't marry him I would never marry anyone else. So I married him, but my problem is that I am finding myself not that attracted to him and I don't have many urges to do anything with him so if we ever do anything it is because he has the urges. I don't know what to do! Please reply in you "Women" section as soon as possible. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.

If you feel that you were obliged to marry against your will, then you have th full right in Islam to seek divorce. However, if you find the man that your father chose for you to be Islamically good and kind as a husband, then try to look at the good side in him and ignore the shortcomings, because there is no one without any. As for what you call "urge", if you mean sexual urge or desire, it is important to realize that women mostly have much less of it than men, especially in their upper teens and early twenties. This is a normal thing that should not be allowed to have impact on the marriage. If what you detest in him is something else, try to analyze it objectively and see if is a major problem conflicting with Islam, or a minor human problem that you can live with and get the reward for doing this.

Added on: March 10, 1997
41) Is it permissible to have the Walima the same day Nikah is held (i.e. Can you have the Walima before entering into your wife) ? I raised this question because the Hadith states it should be given after entering. I want to know whether this is a command or not ?

Which hadith states this? As far as we know, the hadiths provide description of actual incidents but no clear statements as to whether to hold it before or after consummation of marriage. Wallaahu a'lam.

Added on: March 10, 1997
42) I need all the proves of the rights of the man to get married to non Muslim laidy?. I do know that it is posible to do so but it is only for ( Ahl Alikitab ) the people of the Book. So the people arround us are not bleaving in Allah (s.w.) & His prophet Mohammed (p.b.u.h.)?

1. She should be a Kitaabiyyah (Christian or Jew)
2. She must Muhsanah (chaste, having not committed zinaa or approached it)
3. They should live in a land where Islam is strong and prevailent, so as to safegaurd their children from being lost to kufr (desbelief).

The first two conditions are in al-Maaidah 5:5. The last is derived by the scholars from basic Islamic principles.

Added on: March 10, 1997
43) Can the waleema take place on the same day as the nikkah Nikah will be held after asar, Waleema after Isha?

Whereas the reports regarding waleemah seem to indicate that it always took place after the consummation of nikaah, there is no text prohibiting holding it after the contract but before consummation. As the purpose is to make the marriage public, and to share in the happiness of the married couple, it is permissible to have it then, wallaahu a'lam.

Added on: March 10, 1997
44) Before a sister took shahadah she commited zina and became pregnant. She then married the guy who got her pregnant during the pregnancy. Now the child is illegitimate but the couple has not told anyone. At this time the man is not concerned but the regret is killing the woman. Should she announce the childs status to the people. There is nobody in this country to give the legal punishment.The shame of people knowing is scaring her.

Since she did that before becoming Muslim, Islam erases all previous sins. There is no need for her to feel sorry or to regret. The only requirement is to make it clear (not necessarily in public) that the child is not her husband's (according to shar'), and therefore cannot inherit from him.

Added on: March 10, 1997
45) I wanted to know if it is possible to do nikah with the same girl twice with out ever being divorced. The first nikah seems necesary because the boy and girl are in love and see, talk and touch each other on a regular basis. According to my knowledge it is haram for a girl and boy to do this. They are both adults. There parents would not agree for nikah at this time because they both are finishing college. The second nikah would be done in front of the parents.

The nikaah cannot be performed without the permission of the wali, in this case, the father. Thus, you need to explain the situation to them and convince them of the importance of performing it. In the mean time, they must both understand Islam better and have more fear of Allaah so that they do not contact each other as described.

Added on: March 10, 1997
46) Does talaaq count after I've said it once and I didn't make ruju' and then said it again?

It counts as only 1 divorce.

Added on: March 10, 1997
47) We have a situation in our group where a young man came to us about the woman he is living with. The woman was married and now divorced from her former husband by civil court system. No divorce was done from the Islaamic view point, and to compound the matter she went to live with this guy without a nikaah. Now she wants to do the proper thing and have a Nikaaah with the man she is living with. The civil divorce was 1 year ago and now the former Husband cannot be found.

The question is: Is it necessary at this stage to get the formal Islaamic divorce? Does she have any waiting period at this stage? What can she do about the haraam situation of living with the guy after divorce other than Taubah?

1. Was the civil divorce requested or agreed to by the husband as well? If this is the case then it counts as an Islamic divorce. The same is true if the husband has disappeared a long time ago and true attempts to find him have failed. In that case, your organization/imaam can pronounce the termination of the previous marriage.
2. Since she is currently committing zinaa, she cannot marry the man she is sinning with. They should separate now, and she should go through a waiting period of at least 1 menstrual cycle to make sure that she is not pregnant. In the mean time, she and the man she is living with should be taught and exhorted regarding their previous sinning. Only if they display clear signs of repentance and good behavior would it be possible to marry them, with the imaam acting as the woman's wali in the absence of her Muslim mahrams.

Allaah knows best.

Added on: March 10, 1997
48) Is it true that if a man comes to a women during her period, and she gets pregnant, that the child would be the child of a jinn?

Doing this is a great sin, as is outlined in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. But there is no evidence that the child will be a child of Jinn. Besides, a woman cannot get pregnant while in her period -- check with you local physicians.

Added on: March 10, 1997
49) There is a sister whose husband does not pray, he does drugs, his language is horrible, and most importantly he is violent (even with his mother). Alhamdulillah the sister does her best to do what is Islamically right. They are living with thier in-laws. The sister works to pay for the brothers expenses. She is now pregnant and fears that this brother who cannot even fulfill his duties as a husband will not be a good father. She doesn't want to raise this child in a violent environment. She is now pregnant and wants to abort her baby. What advice can you give her concerning this matter? please respond quickly.

This answer is provided, unfortunately, more than three months after posting it. One reason is that it was posted anonymously, which automatically makes it less urgent.

The answer is "NO!" She cannot abort the baby! She may not commit this murder because she fears of some future danger. What she should do is work on improving her family situation or get divorce from her husband if he is as described.

Added on: March 10, 1997
50) I read you said that a husband's father is like the wife's father in that there is no need to be in Hijab. Is that also true for a man and his wife's sister?

Not at all, there is no way of comparison. His wife's sister is not permanently prohibited for him. If his wife dies or they divorce, he may marry her. So she should be covered and act modestly in his presence.

Added on: March 10, 1997
51) I had a question about people "living at home". I was talking to a brother who mentioned this problem to me since he is facing it right now. He is living at home with his parents and brothers and sisters, and is married. Now traditionally, this is how things are done, meaning the son lives at home with parents and other siblings. And traditionally, there is no interaction and other such problems. But Islamically (and both him and his wife are very practicing) it creates many problems. So what to do ?

For example, his wife has to wear hijab all the time, except when they are in their room. This is just a bit hard for her. Then there are all those times when he is alone with his sister in law, or his wife is alone with his brother, whether at home or when giving a ride in the car or going shopping etc. And other such problems.

Living in a separate apartment would not only be very expensive (and maybe unaffordable since he is a student) but also looked down upon from his family and others. His parents would probably feel very hurt. What possible solutions are there to still live at home, but in a more comfortable, yet Islamic manner ?

Sorry for the belated reply. We can propose nothing more than to take care to enforce Islamic behavior in all what they do.

1. Let them consider her room to be her house, so that she would lock its door and stay inside if there is no need for her to get out, or if her brothers in law are present.
2. Let her minimize her contact with her brothers in law, and keep the relation formal. The same for him with his sisters in law.
3. Let there never be a khulwah between her and her brothers in law or other non-Mahram men.
4. Let him leave immediately if he finds himself alone with one of his sisters in law.

etc.

Added on: March 10, 1997
52) What is the extent that a sister can get to know a brother before marriage, can she speak with him and ask him of his interests, can they correspond by mail and telephone?

If they both appear to be sincere about intention to marry each other, they can do this in the presence of a mahram or a person that would prevent the occurance of khulwah. Same about mail or telephone. But all of this should be controlled so that it would not get to a point of saying or suggesting prohibited things.

Added on: March 10, 1997
53) Can a divorced women ask her husband for reconciliation or does the Wali have to do this?

Either.

Added on: March 10, 1997
54) Can a wife wear night clothes that are available in the shops to be attractive to her husband? Please note that someone said to me that this is haraam because these clothes are worn by kaafir women and so imitating them is haraam.

True. For further info, read "Celebrations in Islam" by M al-Jibaly or "Imitation of the Kuffaar" by Naser al-Akl, both available from QSS bookstore.

Added on: March 10, 1997
55) There is a Muslim family here, made up of step parents and step children. There is this one particular child whom I am very worried about. She is 11 years old. In the house, along with her mother and step father, lives her brother who is 13, her step brother who is 17, and her step sister who is 20. It was told that this young 11 year old sister has to wear her kimar and jilbab in the house, as long as she was around her 17 year old step brother because she can marry him. How true is this? Can you elaborate?

This is true. Because there is no text in the Quran or the Sunnah to prohibit this relationship.

Added on: March 10, 1997
56) I would like to know if a marriage is valid if a woman was tricked into writing the contract by believeing people who said that it only meant getting engaged. I'd appreciate any feedback.

Who tricked her? Her wali? If this is the case, and he tried to force her into some planned marriage, she has the right to "faskh"/cancellation of the contract by the Islamic judge or local imaam.

Added on: March 10, 1997
57) If a woman is pressured into getting married to someone then is the marriage valid/true? How about if she is forced? Please be thorough because I heard many answers and i am confused.

The marriage is valid, but she has the right to terminate the contract, as a woman came to the prophet (pbuh)and told him that her father forced her to marry a certain may. He (pbuh) gave her the option to either terminate the contract or stay with that man. She said, "I will stay, but only wanted to make them know that they cannot force this on us."

Added on: March 10, 1997
58) A brother is the Walee of a sister who is not his Mahram. Currently, there are two brothers interested in her. She has not decided on either of them; thus, is is permissible for them both to inquire of her?

It is his decision, not hers -- in consultation with her of course. Question: who appointed him? If not her mahram, he should be appointed by the judge or imaam, not by herself. In any case, as soon as one person shows interest, and they are in the negotiation process, no other person may approach seeking marriage.

He communicates with her by way of his wife. Should one of these interested brothers wish to see her, is it permissible for her to sit in a room with her non-Mahram Walee, his wife and the interested brother? She has no Muslim males in her family and they are against her being married anyway.

She may sit with and talk to him, while others are close by to prevent possible khulwah.

Added on: March 10, 1997
59) It is clear that Islam allows dolls for children, however, it is confusing what type of dolls are permissible. Some people make headless dolls, others make dolls with a head but no facial features, some have stuffed animals, some have Barbie Dolls. Can you please give some detail as to what is permissible and what is not when giving your child dolls.

The only type of dolls reported from the Prophet's (pbuh)time were crude home-made simple ones made from cotton. Remebering the general prohibition of idols and pictures in many texts from the Qur'an and Sunnah, this exception may not be taken beyond its circle of restriction. Thus, dolls are to be largely avoided, because they clearly demonstrate an imitation of Allaah's creation done in large-scale production, mostly by kuffaar. The worst of those are barbies, because they are fashioned to resemble kaafir women, and the way they are dressed up and the various items that come with them reflect the kuffaar lifestyle and make it acceptable and liked to the children. Other idol-like toys, like stuffed animals, are to be avoided as well, even though they are not as harmful as barbies and dolls. In all cases, one should never use such dolls as decorative items which are put respectfully on top of shelves or dressers. They should all be stored away at the time of prayer and when the children go to sleep, because they prevent the presence of angels. By the same token, one should try one's best not to purchase clothes for kids with human or animal pictures or crosses on them, and try to change such pictures if they are given as present. wallahu a'lam.

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