Our company provides its employees with free bagels and schmears (cream
cheese spreads) three days a week. Recently this triggered the following
email exchange:
Message 1
Everyone,
In the future, when the
Shmears run out, please don't go digging through the fridge and pulling out
any old bagel toppings. Please respect other people's
property.
Thanks.
Message 2
Unless properly marked, all
items in the 1820 fridge are (for the most part) considered fair game.
Otherwise, things just end up sitting in there forever. It is difficult to
know what is public property and what is private property unless it is
properly marked.
Message 3
Boy, I hope we don't have to have a
policy about this. But I disagree. It is safest if you label your personal
stuff, but people should NOT be helping themselves to food in the fridge if
it is not very likely in the "public domain."
Message 4
Okay,
okay, what I really meant was that to avoid confusion on certain items that
are commonly thought to be public items you should mark them with your name.
No one is going to take your bag lunch, or bottle of mineral water. But they
might take your left over piece of pizza, thinking it was left over from a
training lunch.
Message 5
I think you shouldn't take unmarked
food. There is a health risk from food poisoning. One is never quite sure how
long food has been in the refrigerator unless it is your own. I know someone
who became *very* sick when he used mayo from a refrigerator that had been
there for a while.
Message 6
That's an excellent point. If
anyone puts poisoned food in the refrigerator, please make sure it is
*clearly* marked with your name.
Message 7
For those who ate
the shmear, we regret to inform you that it actually was unmarked really old
mayonaisse. Please report to sick bay for treatment.
Message
8
I think we need to organize a commitee to gather the requirements
surrounding the Shmear issues.
Message 9 (from the QA
manager)
After that is done we certainly need to hold a design review
for the poison Shmear....after all gotta make sure that poison
works...
Message 10 (from a programmer)
We should have
following waterflow process:
1. Concept Whitepaper
1a. Go back to
(1) if something is wrong.
2. Functional Requirment
Specification
2a. Validation and Verification Plan for (2)
2b. Go back
to (2) if something is wrong.
3. Implementation Specification
3a.
Validation and Verification Plan for (3)
3b. Go back to (3) if something
is wrong.
4. Test Plan
4a. Validation and Verification Plan for
(4)
4b. Go back to (4) if something is wrong.
5. Documentation
Plan
5a. Validation and Verification Plan for (5)
5b. Go back to (5) if
something is wrong.
6. Support Plan
6a. Validation and Verification
Plan for (6)
6b. Go back to (6) if something is wrong.
7.
Prototyping
7a. Go back to (7) if something is wrong.
8.
Implementation
8a. Go back to (8) if something is wrong.
9.
Whitebox Testing
9a. Validate the test result.
10. Functional
Testing
10a. Validate the test result.
11. Technical
Support
11a. Validate the support effort.
12. Go back to (1)
always. For the next release.
12a. Validate the necessity of
(12)
This may not be sufficient for ISO 9K.
Message 11 (From a
tech writer)
Ok, but I can't document this without a working
model...
Message 12
I think we need to form a police task force
called
SHMEAR:
Stop
Hogging
My
Eats
And
Relish
Message
13
QA to the rescue on the poison testing. I say we have [the QA
manager] test last, when we're really sure its ready to ship.
Message
14 (From the CEO)
Some companies remove Pointcast from their system
because it bogs down the net. Some companies remove browsers from desktops
because it encourages undirected surfing.
Our company is debilitated
by cream cheese.
(There were no further messages.)
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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