You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends. Tell me more.

I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one...what a wonderful Valentine's day present!

Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won't have to mess with it anymore.

It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers of beer.

I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

Dang! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!

You are so much smarter than my father.