"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger..........."

"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Got milk?"

"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today!"

"Get your OWN ice cream."

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt!"

"Darned if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl"

"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

"I finished the Oreos"