"Ok, I can do this...it's no big deal, just go in there and tell him what I told Kevin...argh, who am I kidding..."
 
    AJ and Howie looked up from the movie they were watching.  "Are you talking to us?" AJ grunted.
 
    Startled, I stammered "Uh, no, sorry guys, I didn't realize I'd said that out loud."
 
    Howie looked at me quizzically.  "You alright?  I don't think I've ever heard you talk to yourself before."
 
    I laughed and placed a friendly kiss on top of his head.  "Then I guess you don't know me that well D, ‘cause I talk to myself all the time.  That's when I have the best conversations."
 
    I left the room with AJ and Howie snickering behind me.  ‘This is it' I thought.  I stepped up to the door to Nick's room and proceeded to knock.  But before I did, the door opened a crack and I heard Brian call to Nick, "When you decide to snap out of your woe-is-me-no-one- knows-how-I-feel state, gimme a ring.  I'm going to play some b-ball with Kev."
 
    A mutter came as the reply and then Brian opened the door all the way and walked right into me.  "Oof!  Sorry Sam, I didn't see you there.  Mr. Excitement is sitting on his bed, moping.  Try to cheer him up, ok?"
 
    "I'll see what I can do."
 
    Sure enough, when I walked into the section of the room that was Nick's, I saw Nick lounging on the bed, poring over a notebook.  I quietly snuck up on him and glanced over his shoulder.  "Whatcha writin'?"
 
    Nick hastily shut the notebook.  "Nothin'," he mumbled, "what are you doing here?"
 
    ‘Let's get this over with' I thought.  "Nick, I've been really unfair to you.  I didn't mean to make you miserable just because I was going through a rough time.  I have a lot of explaining to do.  Will you let me?"
 
    He sat up and offered me a pillow.  I accepted, and he said, "Go ahead, I'm all ears."
 
    So for the next 20 minutes, I recited my life story to him.  When I got to the part about the car accident, I could see the concern on his face as he listened to me.  Finally, I finished, and with tears silently rolling down my cheeks, I admitted my realization to him.  "I guess I'm afraid that if I get too close to you, something awful is going to happen, and I'll lose you like I lost Austin."
 
    "C'mere."  Nick took me in his arms and held me, wiping away my tears.  I listened to his soothing voice as he assured me.  "Nothing's going to come between us, I promise.  I'm never going to leave you.  But you have to trust me, ok?  I know it hurt a lot to lose your brother, and it's not because of anything you did that it happened.  It was just a really cruel twist of fate, and I won't let it happen to you again.  You know what they say, about lightening not striking twice in the same place?  I believe that.  So don't worry, ok?  I'm here for you, and I always will be."
 
    I hugged him, and yawned.  "I don't know about you, but these past few nights have been torture for me, knowing that you're right next door, but so far away at the same time.  I really need some sleep."
 
    "I'll be your pillow."  He covered us up with the blanket, and for the second time in a week, we fell asleep together.
 
    In the middle of the night, I bolted upright.  Sweat was running down my face and back and I was panicky and hyperventilating.  All this commotion woke Nick and he sat up to calm me.  "What's wrong, what happened?"
 
    "I..I..I had a d-d-dream ab-b-bout Austin...a nightmare...about the n-n-night of the c-c- crash...it was so real...I can see his eyes staring up at me...his mangled face..."  I started to shake uncontrollably, still hyperventilating.  By this time, Brian had been wakened by the sound of our voices, and he too was standing over me.
 
    "Bri, find a paper bag will you?  She's gonna pass out if we don't get her breathing back to normal."
 
    "That might just be the best thing for her right now...she might not calm down too soon otherwise."  Brian rushed back from the kitchenette with a paper bag.  "Here."
 
    Nick grabbed the bag and held it in front of my mouth, but it was too late.  The last thing I remember was my lungs burning, I was gasping for air and then...pitch blackness overcame me, sending me reeling me into the depths of a dark tunnel...and then nothing.  The next thing I knew, several people were standing over me, staring with concern on their faces.  I opened my eyes and gasped, and air filled my lungs.
 
    "You alright Sam?" Howie asked me.
 
    I put my hand up to my head.  I felt a bit dizzy, and my lungs ached, but other than that I felt fine.  I told him as much, and listened as everyone let out relieved sighs.  Nick held me close to his chest, and I finally asked "What just happened?"
 
    Brian piped up.  "You had a bad dream...about the accident.  Nick woke up when you sat up in your sleep; you were in extreme shock, and you passed out and had some trouble breathing.  We tilted your head back so you could breath easier, and then you woke up.  Are you sure you're ok?"
 
    I nodded, just wanting to be alone with Nick once again, to feel the safety of his arms around me.  I felt extremely embarrassed, and I relayed this information quietly to Brian.  He whispered back "There's no reason for you to be embarrassed, we're just all glad you're ok."
 
    Slowly, everyone began leaving the room, and once again Nick and I were alone.  "I'm sorry I scared you like that"  I apologized.
 
    He snorted, "Puh-lease.  That's the most exciting thing that's happened on the trip so far.  Thanks for making it more interesting."  He grinned, and kissed my forehead.  "It's only 4:00 in the morning, how about we try going back to sleep?"
 
    It sounded like a good idea to me, but while Nick valiantly attempted to stay awake until I fell asleep again, I found that I couldn't.  Nick finally drifted off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.  I heard some scuffling in Brian's room, so I wriggled out of Nick's grasp and silently tip-toed over to Brian's area.  "Hey, want some company?" I asked.
 
    Brian looked up from his book and smiled.  "Sure, I'd love some.  But aren't you tired?"
 
    "Aren't you?" I returned.  He looked at the clock and replied, "I guess I should be, but it's hard to fall asleep after all that excitement...no offense."
 
    "None taken.  I just don't want to be alone right now.  Nick fell asleep again, and when I heard you moving around, I decided to check it out.  Mind if I sit down?" I gestured toward his bed.  He patted the blanket and I sat down.
 
    "Kevin told me about your brother.  That must have been scary."  He eyed me cautiously.
 
    "Yeah, I went through 2 years of therapy after that.  I thought I was better, but I guess telling that story again has made me relive it.  I hope that's the only nightmare I have about it though."
 
    "Yeah, me too.  I'm not sure I could stand another late night wake-up call!"
 
    I laughed quietly.  "Do you ever have nightmares?"
 
    "Yup.  Mostly about when I was younger, and I was in the hospital for so long because of my heart.  I was so scared, and every night I would wake up in a cold sweat.  It was terrible.  But I don't get them so much anymore, only when I'm really worried about something."
 
    I yawned.  Brian noticed, and suggested "Maybe you'd better get some more sleep.  You want me to walk back there with you?"
 
    I shook my head.  "Nah, I'll be ok.  Thanks Brian."  I gave him a hug, and quietly went back to Nick.  Once again, I nestled myself in his arms, but this time I promptly fell asleep.  And didn't wake up until almost noon the next morning.
 
    "Sam...Sam...Sami...Sam, c'mon, please wake up...honey...Saaaaaaam...."
 
    I slowly opened my eyes and focused on Nick.  I glanced over at the clock and moaned.  "Ohhh, it's noon...how could you let me sleep so long?  I've gotta get up, Denise is probably furious..."
 
    "Whoa, hey, slow down there Tiger!  It's not a big deal, everyone is slow-moving today.  We don't have a show for another 2 days, so it's no biggie."  Nick smiled down at me.
 
    "Well, in that case...hang on, are you sure we don't have to do anything today?  Absolutely positive?"
 
    "Sam, Denise is decked out in her beach duds, lounging by the pool along with AJ, who's in a very believable disguise I might add.  I couldn't be any more sure about this."
 
    I gave him a devilish smile.  "Then what do you say we have a little fun today?"
 
    He raised his eyebrows.  "I'm liking the sound of this...mind giving me a little more detail?"
 
    "No way buster.  Today you're just gonna have to trust me.  I'm gonna leave you hanging for a bit longer though, I've got to have a shower and eat, so how about-"
 
    "How about you have your shower here, while I order you something to eat, ok?  My treat...you're not the only one with tricks up your sleeve."
 
    I laughed.  "But I'm the only one who's good enough to pull them off!"
 
    Nick glared at me mockingly and jumped to his feet, ensuing a chase.  I beat him into the bathroom, closed and locked the door and said, "I won't take too long, I promise."
 
    "Better not.  You don't want your food to be cold by the time you get to it.  Love you."
 
    "Love you too" I called as I hurried into the shower.  ‘This'll be a really fun day' I thought to myself excitedly.  And fun was definitely something I needed a lot of, pronto.

 Chapter Twenty-One
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