Today is July 21st and I'm late writing you this letter. On the 11th your Mommy was married, sweetheart. She sure looked pretty. I wish you could have been with us in body so you could have worn the pretty little dress Grammy was going to buy for you. You would have been a little doll in it. But you are always a little doll to me. The tears have almost stopped, but the hurt is still with me, my love. Would you tell Jesus I said thank you for easing my pain, for me? I tell Him every night in hopes of Him hearing me. I know with you there with Him, He's bound to hear your words. Uncle Daniel, Aunt Denise and Aunt Tabitha went to the wedding too. They were a comfort to me. It took everything I had to keep from crying my eyes out at your Mommies wedding. Not just for joy for her, but for the simple fact that you should have been with us. Excuse me baby...Grammy is crying again. I don't mean to, it's just that I miss you so, so much. My heart breaks over and over with you gone. I know in my heart that you are happy and in no pain where you are now. I'm just so sorry I couldn't have seen what was going to happen and somehow kept you safe. I also know you're in my heart, but I can't touch you and hold you... I miss rocking you to sleep. I miss the sweet smell of you, and the way you would sit in your highchair and chatter to me while I was fixing your dinner. You hadn't even learned to talk yet. There was one sound you made that I'll never forget as long as I live. It was "aadaat" do you remember? I think it was your baby version of "hey there". I have started buying angels, sweetie. Trying to find that one certain one that reminds me mostly of your precious face. I did find a doll. She's not an angel but she reminds me of you. The way you sucked your thumb and that certain look you used to give to me. So sweet and innocent. I bought it and will name her "Vickie's Doll" I have all your pictures I could get, right on my desk so I can feel you near me.
Damn it! You're suppose to be here driving me crazy with having to chase you everywhere! Honey, grammy would give anything in my power for that to be so. I don't suppose Jesus would let that happen though. So until I get to be with you again honey, I guess grammy will just have to get along as best I can. Tell mama, grandma and grandpa I said hello and I love them too. I used to be afraid of dieing, but not anymore. Because now I have faith that God will let me be with you. That way, you will never be taken from me again.
Well my love, it's getting harder for grammy to see the keyboard for the tears. You be sweet and remember I will love you forever and ever. Amen
Love
Grammy
P.S. I still have your little suit you were wearing. It's the last thing you ever touched, alive. I'm not a wierdo honey, it's just so close to you that I have to keep it near me.
Tell teddy to put the candle
in the window if he gets tired
of holding it. See you soon!
