No relationship is without its periods of turmoil and strife. A good D/s relationship is hard to maintain...requiring as much if not more than the dedication a husband gives to his wife. There are times when a slave does something that so disappoints the Master that discipline is necessary. I believe there are few Dominants who enjoy punishing their charges for an infraction. Not only does it show a lack in some part of the slaves training but also a lack in how well the Dominant has instilled the responsibility the slave has to her Owner. Any infraction on the slaves part is a disappointment to them both.I have made so very many mistakes learning with my Master. Some were out of ignorance, some sheer willfullness on my part. I will never forget any of those lessons which he taught me.
What is it to look into the cool, dark steel eyes of a Master that is less than pleased with his slave? It is fear, anguish, hurt, anxiety and such a feeling of aloneness that really cannot be described. I wish I could get that image out of my head...and move on...I see you standing there and I just want to curl up and disappear into a black hole.
Don't know why it affects me this way...even now. But aloneness...that is the overwhelming feeling. I'm alone in the dark....thinking...oh god...He is really pissed now....why can't I just do what he wants...why can't I be the slave I know is there....she's down there somewhere because I have seen her, felt her.... The image of you with your arms folded , staring down at me...I shudder now just typing it.I will never forget the look in his eyes that one particular day. And will strive to never see it again.
It truly is the worse feeling in the world....I need to let it go....I need to let it go. The most perfect slavery is the hardest. Then I start to doubt that maybe this isn't really for me. And your response...all subs think this way at one time or another. Well...it doesn't much help to know yet again...I'm just another slave going thru the same ole things. But this is the reality of the situation. We all go thru the inner turmoil of doubts and fears when we disappoint our Owners.
This is how we learn and grow. To improve ourselves to become that which our Owners will be proudest of. To know I have a good foundation beneath my feet helps me tremendously....but nothing is written in stone. I still make mistakes and I learn and with him I still grow. Each day I awake and say a silent prayer....thank you Master.
