Dear Tink,

I find myself on another airplane. This one heading south. If you don’t mind, I thought I would plug up your email in-box with some thoughts about life and integrity. You see, your in-process web page must be swirling around my deeper thoughts.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of taking my ten year old son to the golf course. Just the two of us. We agreed in advance that there was enough time to play five holes and then get home for dinner. It was a bit dreary and chilly for an afternoon in June. There were only a few cars in the parking lot when we pulled into a space close to the course. I decided to not play and told my son that I would carry his bag and just walk along.

We proceeded to the first tee. It is a bit of a walk from the club house to the first tee. We walked in silence. Neither of us had much to say. My thoughts were drifting a bit. Thinking of events of the past few weeks, thinking of my upcoming travels and then, my thoughts turned to the glory of the moment. I was with my son. I was at a place that has brought great personal relief and pleasure. And, I was going to be able to spend time with my son, watching him play a game I thoroughly love. I thought about all the other fathers that have made this same walk to the first tee with their sons and daughters. I remembered growing up in the midwest, learning about the game of golf from my father.

These thoughts were broken as we arrived at the first hole.

My son reached for his driver. Without taking a practice swing, which is pretty normal for boys of his age, he took a mighty swing and topped the ball about twenty yards on a forty five degree line from center. I could see the discouragement in his slumped posture. I had another ball in my pocket and tossed it to him and said, try again. The result was almost identical. I had a second ball in my pocket and tossed that one to him as well. Similar outcome as far as being in the rough, only this time much closer to the fairway and a lot longer. We reached the first ball and he asked for a club. He hit that ball, and I assumed he would then walk to the others and play those as well. However, he picked the second and third balls up and moved on. We continued down the first hole in a similar manner. I could see he was struggling with his shots. I encouraged him to try again with another ball. Each time, the second and third efforts produced better results, but he chose to play the original shot and continue from there. I pointed out that we were just out here for fun and it mattered not that he was taking mulligans.

We didn’t talk much that first hole. He was frustrated with his playing. I was trying to be the compassionate father, suggesting that he try again. He told me to 'shut up', something a ten year old is capable of saying with conviction. I was frustrated. We did not seem to be having much fun.

We finished the first hole, and moved on to the par three second hole. The second hole was played with the same frustration as the first hole. I kept tossing balls to him. Encouraging him to try again. My advice on alignment or grip were met with icy stares and muttered words that my aging ears are no longer able to decipher.

When we reached the third hole, his drive was once again off target to the right. We walked in silence to the ball. I handed him a club. Suggested he aim far left to avoid the trees up ahead. He promptly whacked a ball deep into the trees up ahead. The golf gods smiled upon my son and spit the ball into the fairway. I asked if he would like to try again, this time aiming more left.

I guess I had not realized how much pressure I must have been placing on him. He turned to me and informed me that we were not playing by the rules of golf and that there is no such thing as a "mulligan" in golf. I defended my position by reminding him we were there to have fun and since we were not keeping score; it didn’t matter. He said it did matter. That we were on the course and we were not playing by the rules. My suggestions to hit second and third shots had caused a major dilemma for him. Clearly it caused an internal turmoil for him that boiled over on the third hole.

He understood the rules of golf are clear. Post the score you take, regardless of how bad it is. Accept the bad shots as part of the game. As the golfer, you are responsible for policing yourself and applying the penalties that are incurred as a result of your actions on the course.

He played the rest of the day with one ball, his ball.

He finished the third hole in fine fashion. The fourth hole is the toughest hole on the course. The longest hole on the course. He played it the best he has ever played that hole. He bogeyed the hole and bogeyed five as well. Our day was done. We cut across the course to get back to the club house. He was beaming at the results of the last two holes.

I was beaming, inside, because a ten year boy reminded me that integrity starts from within. He reminded me that rules are okay to live by. I am not suggesting that the rules of golf are akin to the rules of life. However, if you develop the integrity to play a game by the rules, then you know why I am feeling pretty good that there is a probability integrity will be seen off the course as well. As a loving father, I sure hope so.