Pregnancy Dictionary

• Afterbirth
  When the hard part begins.
• Cravings
  An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
• Dilation
  One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's word for.
• Elastiphobia
  Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Stretch Marks."
• First Trimester
  The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
• Maternity Clothes
  What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason she's fat.
• Miracle
  1. The birth of a baby.
  2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.
• Obstetrician
  The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think you're caught in the jaws of death.
• Pregnant Pause
  The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman to get out of a chair.
• Prenatal
  When your life was still your own.
• Pushing
  The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening the size of a dime.
• Second Trimester
  The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"
• Third trimester
  The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much longer can I keep from waddling?"