Oh my god!!!

Calling all teenyboppers!!!!  Cover your eyes!  Now might be a good time to uh, lose your ability to read!  Step away from the magazine!  In fact, I don't think you wanna be within 50 miles of the newest Backstreet Boys' article.  SO RUN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, to the rest of you guys who've decided you're perfectly, honest-to-God fine with the article from hell, you might wanna take your fingers outta your ears.

This isn't an article dripping with sweetness and innocence.  It's actually dripping with honesty.  Screw all those teenybopper articles that claim to have the... ahem... "inside exclusive" on whatever shit the Boys are up to (although I hafta admit that their pix are slammin'!!).  This is one article that has grown horns, a nice pointy tail, and wields a spiky fork, thus massively deviating from the saccharine writeups.

In fact, it lives up to Brain's constant quote (actually, any of the Boys' constant quote) that they *ARE* human!!  Yes, they have 2 undoubtedly-gorgeous eyes, 2 ears and a beautiful mouth.  They're human.  And yes, they have girlfriends - the very ones we would love to hack up to pieces with a rusty chainsaw and then toss to the alligators (the hacked up pieces, not the rusty chainsaw).  But as real fans who can laugh and who've read the Rolling Stone article and are still reading my commentary, we can tolerate the Boys' significant other half.

All the anti-BSB and most of the BSB fans (I think) have this absotively-posilutely clean image of the Boys.  A clean image that irks the shit outta the anti-fans.  But I mean, think about it.  How can anyone normal stay so fucking clean and remain sane?

Shit, even the pix make them look hard core.... but I guess they sorta reflect the Boys' true sides.....

Brian's mind must be on screwing Leigh-Ann half the time.  Hell, it sounds like his bedroom's all set up for some steamy sex every single night.  Sorry, Gospel-Boy, to think you're a virgin is like thinking that all elephants can flap their wings and fly to Venus for breakfast everyday.  Plus, I think we can all believe that the money-minded management doesn't have poor Bri's health in mind.  And for once, our happy little Keebler Elf is... brace yourself... actually upset!

Probably every other word that comes outta AJ's mouth has 4 letters and starts with an 'f' so it's pretty surprising that he used the word "crap" instead.  And oh look, he doesn't have the best relationship with Daddy that the teenybopper mags love to talk about.  It's a very pushy relationship that bugs the shit outta the funkmeister.  Interesssting.  And I thought AJ quit smoking.  Guess not.  Liar.  It's also a lot more believable that he spends every night fucking his doppelganger with boobs.  Probably on that zebra-chair, eh?  I mean, hey, this is AJ we're talking about here!

And oh my God, Winky Boy is actually involved in an act of blackmail / bribery!  And in a church too!  Tsk, tsk.  Normal, ain't he?

The surprising one was the blond adonis.  He's shy in practically every single interview, including this one.  Oh shit, what happened to your attitude and that ghetto groove?!  We were sooo looking forward to finally seeing that side in an interview, especially after reading Brian and AJ's sections.  I mean, this is the guy who said "fucking" on tape!

And Kevvy Kev, well, you can see he is definitely more mature than we already thought.  Although we never knew a thing about those little ol' ladies... hmmm.

Why the hell didn't they listen to Eminem's record?!  Honestly, I think that would've gotten a lotta interesting, not to mention, real, responses from the Boys.  We really didn't need to hear about Millennium - we've heard it in all the other 356279 articles!!  You're supposed to be different, Rolling Stone!

There you go!  Sounds a lot more normal than the picture-perfect bubble-gum life the teenybopper mags paint, doncha think?  Seriously, it's an article of honesty that shouldn't bug any true fans.  I actually liked it... a lot and I definitely like them a gazillion times better because of it.