If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??

Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

We're staying together for the sake of the cats.

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

My karma ran over your dogma.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.

Welcome to Texas, now go home.

It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.

Life's too short to dance with ugly men.

Life's too short to dance with ugly women.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

I is a college student.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Eschew obfuscation.

Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Is there life before coffee?

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

I Cayman went.

My other wife is beautiful.

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.

Nuke the unborn baby whales.

Geez if you belive in honkus.

Friends don't let friends drive naked.

Save California; when you leave take someone with you.

I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

There's one in every crowd and they always find me.

If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.

Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.

If it's too loud, you're too old.

Wink. I'll do the rest.

The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.

Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

Who cares who's on board?

Die Yuppie Scum.

No radio. Already stolen.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.

Exxon Suxx.

Honk if you love cheeses.

Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.

I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

Honk if you're illiterate

If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children

My kid can beat up your honor student

Fight crime, shoot back

Impeach the President. . . and Fire Bill, too

Guns don't kill people postal workers do.

If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.

Gun control means using both hands!

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)

Jesus is coming, look busy!

JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!

My wife's other car is a broom.

Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.

Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.

Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds

I like cats, they taste just like chicken.

I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!