On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror:
"Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."

On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens:
"Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place."

In a VCR manual section about time recording programs:
"Only events in the future can be recorded on this machine, not in the past. Resetting the clock to an earlier time will not accurately record past events."

On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel:
"Warning - Remove lock before driving."
 
On a packet of juggling balls:
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimetres. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

Seen on a camera:
"This camera only works when there is a film inside."

On a bottle of flavored milk drink:
"After opening, keep upright."
 
On a can of windscreen de-icing spray:
"Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."
 
On a can of insect spray:
"Kills all kinds of insects!  Warning: this spray is harmful to bees."

A different brand of insect spray:
"Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals."

On an ocean buoy for determining the position of submarines:
"Protect from seawater."
 
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on box bottom): Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (And whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Hmm, now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have lobotomy)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)