(It's been a coupla years since the Wall of Hyperness first started - fuck, I don't even remember when that was - anyways, this is a revised version.  Just to reflect the changes in me and in the Wall of Hyperness over time)

Y'know how at some point in your life, you never think you'll every change?  You run on the belief that everything will stay stagnant and you'll be the happy li'l freak all your life.  Ha, well, tough luck, you're fucking wrong.  Fluidity runs life so just deal.

When the Wall of Hyperness first started (it was really born from a one-page bio on the Big Bear Hugz Page), it reeked of oversaturated sugar.  I don't even know why.  I would hafta say it's a flaw for me to be nice to everyone (it's strange how I'm by nature, stubborn and can be a total outgoing bitch but occasionally, I shrink into a passive shell of patheticity).  I think the page originally ran on that vibe - the whole niceness vibe, I mean.  That, combined with an obsession with the Backstreet Boys, naturally produced genuine glucose leaking from the page.  Weird, coming from a 17-year-old (at that time) but that's what it was.

And over time, I grew up.  Call it delayed puberty or whatever stupid-ass scientific, psychological word you want (and I actually plan on going into psych too.  Ha!), but I moved on.  Backstreet humor became dominant and then, general satire.  Somewhere in between, my own spurts of creativity leaked through (producing the section known as "The Whatevers") and that in itself woke me up to a handful to stuff.  I remembered how much I loved writing and my ability to be creative.  I started doubting my original career plans of going to med school.  Yes, I was one of those li'l freaks who, in high school, had practically their entire life planned out.  Ironically, I'm reaching the end of a first-year science program in university, and I can't and won't tell you my life goals.  Just 'cause I don't know.  I like going with the flow, and that's gotten me into a deep shit before.  It's really an excuse for not thinking ahead.  Yet, sometimes, if I'm extremely absorbed in something, I find myself leaning toward it.  Then again, doesn't everyone?

My Backstreet obsession has sorta petered out.  I no longer waste my disk space on their pix, which just means I don't meticulously screen and label them either.  I will still go as far as to say I'm a fan still.  I still keep my Nick/Brian wallpapers in rotation, just in case.  And I have 2.84 million remixes of each BSB song as well as some of their vids in mpeg.  Ah ha, I *do* still like 'em!  But in growing over the past few years (or abruptly, over the past year), there're just some things you lose inevitably.

I can still say I exude a shitload of hyperness.  'Cause I do.  I get stares, screams, swears, but that's what I do, and it's who I am, so just fuck off.  Yet, underneath that, there's a lotta bitterness.  I can't tell you where that's come from or where, in fact, it's coming from right now.  But I know it's there.  Maybe in the midst of the Columbine incident (which I'm extremely passionate about), I realized myself.  That no matter how hard I try to fit in, it won't happen.  'Cause there's a certain aspect about yourself you can never change.  I accepted that.  And somewhere in there, the bitterness emerged.

Bitterness to fuck-knows-what.  I can't even tell you that much.  I can tell you it's manifested - I see it in my grudge-bearing and occasionally-depressive nature.  Something I've had a chance to encounter more in the recent past than ever before.  It all adds up to life experience but when you're going through it, it just feels like pure shit and you beat yourself repeatedly over the head, wondering, why/how/what the fuck?!?!!!?!

Hell, this entire site was supposed to undergo a revamping.  To rid it of all the sugary crap.  But then, the energy's still a part of me.  So why remove it?  As such, the Wall of Hyperness is a (probably uneven - but I haven't figured that out yet) blend of all that, and the less-perky stuff.  I'm attempting to revamp it so it reflects more of me.

Remnants of my teenybopper phase still remain.  Actually, I still take to calling myself a teenybopper sometimes.  It feels good adopting or relegating yourself to a different level in a university setting where everyone's so incredibly full of themselves and they think that just 'cause they're in university, they're so much better than everyone else.  To have people gawk at you can be the funniest feeling sometimes.  And the people who do join you in your ridiulous behavior.... you feel a small connection with them, which is all cool, especially if you never ever see them again.

I'm still as guy-obsessed as I was before.  Much to the disdain of some.  I call myself hormally-normal (or balanced, whichever way you wanna look at it), which is the way it should be, shouldn't it?  But my theory is as long as I'm happy, and no one's getting hurt, it's all good.  It's still white guys all the way, especially the blond-blue-eyed types.  But more recently, I've found myself falling for the 1/2-Asian kind.  My uncontrollable emotions surprise me that way.  Actually, now that I think about it, I've always loved the part-Asian people.  Its their uniqueness in ethnicity that's always intrigued me - something I've never had and never will.  Ah well.  I've learned a smidge more about the male species since coming outta high school.  No doubt, it still leaves me confused as hell.  But the key is to always experiment with life.  I still have my grudge against fate and genetics making me Asian.  Not that there's anything I can do about it.  But I'm happy being a banana, so just go away and find something better to rant about.