A conversation between friends..
We
are sitting at lunch when my friend casually mentions that she and
her
husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey,"
she
says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will
change
your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know,"
she
says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous
vacations...." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my friend,
trying
to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn
in
childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of
child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with
an
emotional
wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I
consider
warning
her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking,
"What
if that had been MYchild?" That every plane crash, every house
fire
will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children,
she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I
look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think
that
no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce
her
to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent
call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without
a moment's hesitation.
I
feel I should warn her that no matter how many
years
she has invested in her career, she will be professionally
derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she
will
be
going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline
to
keep
from running home, just to make sure her baby is alright. I want
my
friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine.
That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room
rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That
right
there,
in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of
independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect
that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive
she
may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking
at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually
she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same
about
herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value
to
her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to
save
her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to
accomplish
her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I
want her to know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will
become
badges of honor.
My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not
in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can
love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates
to play with
his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him
again
for
reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I
wish my friend
could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have
tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand
why
I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily
insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.
I
want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your
child
learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a
baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.
I want
her
to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.
My
friend's quizzical
look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll
never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach
across the table, squeeze my friend's hand and
offer
a silent prayer for her, and
for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way
into
this
most wonderful of callings. The blessed gift of God and
that
of being a Mother.
Author Unknown
Please share this with a Mom that you know or a future Mom you know.