Funny One liners

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* Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa

* Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

* Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

* How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

* How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

* How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

* What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".

* What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

* What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

* What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

* What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

* What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

* What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

* What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

* What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

* What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

* What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

* What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

* What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

* And what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.

* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

* What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

* What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

* Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

* Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

* Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

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