Writings On The Wall

* The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

* Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

* If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington. Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington

* Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University, Cambridge, Mass.

* No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. Men's room, Linda's Bar & Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

* At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona

* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bush, Wickenburg, Arizona

* If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. Revolution Books, New York, New York

* A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas

* Express Lane: Five beers or less. Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

* You're too good for him. Sign over mirror in Women's room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

* No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

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