Men's World
1) How many men does it take to open a pop?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
2) Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will never be able to support you.
3) Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
4) How do you know when a woman's about to say something
smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told
me..."
5) How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't, there's a clock on the oven!
6) Women are like guns,
keep one around long enough and
you're gonna to want to shoot it.
7) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
8) All wives are alike,
but they have different faces so you
can tell them apart.
9) What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing,
she's already been told twice!
10) I married Miss Right.?
I just didn't know her first name
was Always.
11) I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months?
I don't like to
interrupt her.
12) Bigamy is having one wife too many.?
Some say monogamy is
the same.
13) Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
14) The last fight was my fault!
My wife asked, "What's on the
TV?" I said, "Dust!"
15) My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took
four state troopers and a dog.
16) Why do men die before their wives?
They want to!!!
17) A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on
Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four
days."
She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your
willpower."
18) Do you know the punishment for bigamy??
Two mothers-in-law.
19) Young Son: "Dad is it true, I heard that in some part of
Africa a man doesn't KNOW his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
20) A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said
the same thing, "You can have mine."
21) A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have
whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets
double.
The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give
me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
22) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is
to forget it once.
23) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still
think they are sexy
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