Religion Quotes
"[In a conversation with a suicidal man threatening to jump off a
bridge,] I said, 'Are you a Christian or a Jew?' He said, 'A
Christian.' I said, 'Me too. Protestant or Catholic?' He said, 'Protestant.' I
said, 'Me too. What franchise?' He says, 'Baptist.' I said, 'Me too.
Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Baptist.' I
said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal
Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Baptist.' I said, 'Me too.
Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative
Reformed Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist
Baptist.' I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist
Baptist, Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Eastern Region?' He says, '. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist
Baptist, Great Lakes Region' I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative
Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1879 or Northern
Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of
1912?' He says, Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes
Region, Council of 1912.' I said, 'Die, heretic!' and I pushed him over."
-Emo Phillips, comedian
"I can see the use and value of religion, just as I can see the use of mud wrestling, yoga, astronomy and sadomasochism. but I reject the idea that you can't be a deep human being without it or any of them."
-Brian Eno
"but god's work isn't done by god/ it's done by people"
-Ani DiFranco
"'And while we're on the subject of things you're wrong about,
let's move on to religion, okay? Listen, I've read everything in my time from
the Gita to the Gospels, and when all is said and done, it's really just
one thing. Essentially it's a psychological issue: Some people can
tolerate not knowing why they're alive, and some can't. The rest is
commentary.' 'And which is better?' I asked. 'Not knowing, or
knowing?' 'Hell,' he said. 'Whatever works.'"
-Robert Cohen
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do
not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your
religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of
your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they
have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and
analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is
conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to
it."
-The Buddha
"God is a humorist. If you have any doubts about it, look in the
mirror."
-Ken Olson
"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to
laugh."
-Voltaire
"I'll tell you one thing, Franny. One thing I know. And don't get upset. It
isn't anything bad. But if it's the religious life you want, you ought to
know right now that you're missing out on every single goddam religious action
that going on around this house. You don't even have sense enough to drink
when somebody brings you a cup of consecrated chicken soup-- which is the only
kind of chicken soup Bessie ever brings to anybody around this madhouse. So
just tell me, just tell me, buddy. Even if you went out and searched the
whole world for a master-- some guru, some holy man-- to tell you how to say
your Jesus Prayer properly, what good would it do you? How in hell are you
going to recognize a legitimate holy man when you see one if you don't even
know a cup of consecrated chicken soup when it's right in front of your nose?
Can you tell me that?"
-"Zooey," from Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger Parker
"'Superstitious.' What a strange word. If you believed in
Christianity or Islam, it was called 'faith.' But if you believed in
astrology or Friday the thirteenth it was superstition! Who had the
right to call other people's belief superstition?"
-Jostein Gaarder
"I believe in God like I believe in the sun. Not just because I can see it, but because by it I can see everything else."
-C.S. Lewis
I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of.
-Clarence Darrow
"And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways", Yossarian continued "There's nothing mysterious about it, He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about, a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being
who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?"
-Joseph Heller
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
-Unknown
"God is like a mirror. The mirror never changes but everybody who looks at it sees something different."
-Rabbi Harold Krushner
"For I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me."
-Phillipians 4:13
"A Christian is one who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin."
-Ambrose Pierce
"The Bible may be the truth but it's not the whole truth and nothing nbut the truth."
-Samuel Butler
"Men will wrangle for religion, write for it, fight for it, die for it, anything but live for it."
-Charles Caleb Cotton
"Christianity must be divine, since it lasted 1,700 years despite the fact that it is so full of villainy and nonsense."
-Voltaire
"Organized Christianity has probabvly done more to retard the ideals that were its founders' than any other agency in the world."
-Richard Le Gallienne
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
-H. L. Mencken
"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger
pain the second time around."
-Herb Caen
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst."
-Thomas Paine
"Many a humble soul will be amazed to find that the seed it sowed in weakness, in the dust of daily life, has blossomed into immortal flowers under the eye of the Lord."
-Harriet Beecher Stowe
"The soul can split the sky in two and let the face of God shine through."
-Edna St. Vincent Millay