Dorothy: Ma, won't you fix us some coffeee.
Sophia: Because it gives me the trots.
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Rose: I'm a bubblehead and I deserve to die. (pause) I said I'm a bubblehead and I deserve to die.
Dorothy: And it was worth repeating.
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Blanche: Dorothy Zbornack, have I got the man for you.
Dorothy: No thanks. Had one.
_________________________________________________________________________
Sophia: Dorothy, I don't like you being taken advantage of. At least when Blanche does it, it's good for tourism.
_________________________________________________________________________
Blanche: I have a question and I want you to think long and hard before giving me an answer. Am I ugly?
Sophia: (Instantly) Yes.
Blanche: I mean, I've always thought I was ravishing. But, am disgusting?
Sophia: (Instantly) Yes.
__________________________________________________________________________
Blanche: Oh Jerry, I don't want to be treated as your equal.
Jerry: You don't?
Blanche: Why no. I want to be treated a lot better than you.
__________________________________________________________________________
Rose: Jeweler? Jewish? I wonder if there's a connection.
Sophia: I think there's a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.
__________________________________________________________________________
Sophia: Maybe the paper boy is right. I'm just a mean old lady!
__________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy (to Sophia after she has been caught kissing Miles): It was
just a little kiss!
Sophia: Little kiss?! I haven't seen that much face-eating since
Silence of the Lambs!
__________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy(about gambling):...and I've lived with the temptations...
Rose: To think dorothy has lived with the Temptations and i've never even been
to one of there concerts.
__________________________________________________________________________
Frank: She's just never seen me in
regular clothes.
Blanche: I didn't know you priests could take your clothes
off!
Frank: We do a lot of things other people do.
Blanche: Except for
one very important thing.
___________________________________________________________________________
(Rose running video camera)
Sophia : Dorothy, my child, I've made your favorite breakfast!
Dorothy: Lasagna in meat sauce?
Sophia : And just think , for 5.99 you can have te recipe , too !
Dorothy : turn off the camera, Rose!
Rose : Hey, only the director can do that (Dorothy gives her a look) Unless the person is
big , .. and scary.
Dorothy : Ma, why do you look like someone who escaped from "It's a small world after
all?
Sophia : All the great chefs had exposure :Mama Celeste, Chef Boyardee and Chef
Valducci.
Rose : I don't remember Chef Valducci.
Sophia : Oh, yeah , he had indecent exposure. he really should have the stuffed the
Cannaloni in the traditional manner.
___________________________________________________________________________
Blanche: Sophia, if you're going to live under my roof, you're going to
live under my rules!
Sophia: Ah, live under this!
____________________________________________________________________________
Blanche: I tried giving up sex.
Dorothy: I guess you fell off the wagon.
Sophia: And on to a naval base!!
____________________________________________________________________________
Michael: Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.
Sophia: Please! I'm 80 years old! I may not remember what it feels
like, but I sure as hell remember what it looks like!!!
____________________________________________________________________________
Blanche (to Nancy, the receptionist): Nancy, honey, I wasn't going to tell
you who I am but you really leave me no choice...I am Miss Angie Dickinson!
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know. I have altered my appearance for a very important movie
role.
Dorothy: Yes, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron
Curtain!
____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy: What is it this time, Stanley? Whoopie cushions for the hearing impaired?
____________________________________________________________________________
Rose: You think that’s annoying, Nurse Jafarge came into
my room last night when I was reinacting the gang plank scene from Peter Pan.
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Rose: Miami is nice, so I'll say it twice! Miami is nice.
Miami is nice!
____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy:We don't have that kind of
money.
Wendel(the auditor):Uncle Sam doesn't like to hear that.
Dorothy:Aunt Dorothy doesn't enjoy saying it!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Sophia:My hiney's asleep.
Dorothy:Fine,we'll keep our voices down.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy: Ma. what are you doing? Sophia:
Filling sandbags Dorothy, theres a hurricane a-coming! Dorothy:A-coming!?! Sophia:That's right.
People only use the "a" when a really big storm is a-coming or a-brewing, so grab a sack and start
a-shoveling! Dorothy:Ma. there is no hurricane a-coming Sophia: Don't patronise me! Dorothy: I'm
not patronising you I'm a-mocking you!
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Dorothy: We know dieting is hard we've all been there. I remember the time Stan and I went
on a weight loss through sex diet- the idea being every time you felt hungry you'de substitute food
with some sexual activity. Blanche: Did it work? Dorothy: I gained eighteen pounds!!!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Holly (Rose's sister, meeting Sophia for the first time): She's feisty, zesty and full of
old world charm, Sophia. Sophia: She's mopey, dopey, and full of crap, Rose's sister. (Walking off)
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy: "Blanche could be in a coma but
put a man within 5 miles she would roll over and shave her legs.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy: Ma I think I look pretty damn good
tonight is it necessary for you to constantly put me down? Sophia: You're right Dorothy from now
on I'm going to be a more supportive mother...you look nice tonight, you look a lot nicer than her for
instance.
Dorothy: Thanks Ma by the way that's a man.---anonymous
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy (Says to Rose): "So you're five years older, so am I, so is Blanche. Alright, so you have a
few more wrinkles, so do I, so does Blanche. Ok, so you're a little thicker around the middle, so is
Blanche.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Clayton: Blanche, we're getting married.
Rose: Well, that's impossible, Clayton, brothers can't marry sisters! Oh!
That's right, you're from the South!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dorothy: How is the diet coming Blanche?
Blanche: Oh just fine; piece of cake! A big ol' piece of chocolate cake.
Somthered in whipped cream and coconut flakes, and a lobster!!!!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Rose: Thanks for bringing the boys over, Dreyfus!
Dreyfus runs out the front door followed by three of his puppies
Rose: I sure like it when Dreyfus brings the boys over. We do have
fun playing 'fetch'
Sophia: That's because you bring the stick to THEM!
_____________________________________________________________________________
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