February 24th 2000

WEll............... where do i start?! so much has been going on lately that i dont know what to start with...well, Steve and i are no longer together. we broke-up last week end. Feb.19 to be exact. i am not going to go into details because it kills me everytime i think about it and i dont want to like make him look bad because it isnt his fault and i dont want him to feel bad in any ways for anything i might say about our break-up. remember, there are always two sides to a story. well anyways i still love him a whole lot and miss him like crazy. he was supposted to come down for this week which is march break but that wont be happening anymore. hmm... what else has happened?! oh yeah um, well i havent gone back to school yet or found a job but i am keeping myself busy at home cleaning and cooking and making supper and shit walking my dog also. i started trying to loose weight a few days ago. made a soup today simply made of veggies which is what i am going to eat alot of in the following weeks. i am worried about something and cant really talk to anyone about it.so here goes whoever reads this maybe you can comfort me or give me advice or something. see my ex boyfriend(Steve)who is now my best friend was really into drugs not too long ago and he was doing so good with wuitting them but when we were together he smoked pot a few times and i got mad at him because he got mad at me for popping pills a while back. when he was done here visiting me he said he was going to stop doing drugs and whatnot and i think i told him to do what he wants because i cant control him and it isnt my life. well since we broke up he has gotten back into drugs smoked pot the whole week end we broke-up and did acid tonight. i dont know what else he does during the week he never tells me anything. well that is is i geuss i dont know what i am supposted to think i dont want him to get back where he was before i dont want him to try and forget his problems by using! anyways i am more sad then anything actually not mad at all it hurts me that he cant talk to me about anyhting. never could and probably never will be able to. well there are other things i would love to talk about but i am going to write them in my diary because they are really personal to me and i dont want ot upset anyone in any way. well going to go exercise or something to think about a few things. later xoxo