Title: The Heart
Rating: R for sexual situations and language
Summary: Nikolas’s heart is failing, and Stefan and Laura face every parents worse nightmare.
E-mail: Para8Dice@aol.com, and yes! Feedback is welcome!
Author: Paradise
Comments: In my story, I coupled up the people I wanted to be coupled, I created the world I pretty much thought it should be. As usual, I’m one of the few SNLers who doesn’t hate Luke, so he’s not a bad guy in this. He doesn’t have a major role or anything, but I just don’t write him the way other SNLers do because I think SNL’s love would be greater if she chose Stefan because she loves Stefan, not because Luke is such a jerk Stefan is so much better. Making Luke a bastard makes SNL’s love weaker to me. Just my opinion though.
THIS STORY DOES NOT INCLUDE GH’S TERRIBLE WRITING OF LAURA GOING INSANE FOR NO GOOD REASON, STEFAN BEING A POWER-SICK BASTARD WHO DIDN’T CARE THAT HIS SISTER DIED, THAT HIS OTHER SISTER HAD LOST HER DAUGHTER, AND WOULD PURGE AN INNOCENT WOMEN OFF A CLIFF AND RAPE AND IMPREGNATE ANOTHER. IT ALSO DOESN’T INCLUDE THE SPENCER/CASSADINE HATRED. LUKE AND STEFAN ARE STILL AT THE POINT THAT THEY WERE WHEN DRINKING AND MAKING TOASTS TOGETHER, AND LUKE IS STILL FOND OF NIKOLAS LIKE HE WAS IN 2002. Oh, and this is ANGST!!!
“What?” Laura asked incredulously.
“I’m very sorry, Laura,” Alan Quartermaine replied. “Your son’s heart is failing and…there’s nothing we can do to stop it.”
Laura’s world was crumbling inside her. At Alan’s words, she almost fainted, but Bobbie caught her, and held her.
“What about a heart transplant?” Laura said, the tears falling from her beautiful, glass eyes.
“Nikolas’s tissue type is very rare. We have your tissue type on file as well as your blood.”
“So you’re saying I’m a match.”
“Yes. And we have Nikolas enlisted in the world wide donor list, and we will do everything medically possible to keep him alive until we find another match.”
“Is it possible that there will be a heart available?” Stefan asked.
“Yes, it’s possible,” Alan said. “It will be difficult like I said before but there is hope.”
Laura laughed sarcastically, her eyes moist and dried tearstains were on her face.
“Hope?” she laughed. “You’re telling me my son’s heart is failing, that my son is DYING!”
“Laura, take a breath,” Bobbie said. “We’re not going to give up.”
“Oh you’re damn right we’re not,” Laura said, pulling free of Bobbie and heading to the elevator, which she walked into and left.
Lucky, Elizabeth, Emily, Luke, Stefan, Bobbie, Alexis, Kristina, and Alan watched Laura leave and wondered what she was going to do.
XxX
Sonny Corinthos’s Penthouse
Forty Minutes Later
Laura knocked on the door and Johnny allowed her in. She saw Sonny turn to see her. She was beautiful. She was incredible. Her hair glowed around her beautiful face and her skin was luminous. She was far too gorgeous for what she was going through.
“Laura I heard,” Sonny said, walking towards her.
She opened her arms to him and he instantly walked into them, giving her a secure embrace, giving her support through it. She closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of this friend she’d known for years now. But in his embrace, the tears threatened to choke her.
“There’s nothing worse than losing a child,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “Tell me what I can do.”
She was glad he asked because she came here for a favor.
“Sonny would you use any power you might have to try to find a heart for my son?”
“Absolutely. You get me the information and I will use any power I have to try to save your son.”
She let the tears slide and she reached to touch Sonny’s face.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t cry,” he said, wiping her tears with his beautiful hands.
“I pray I won’t have to.”
XxX
Nikolas’s Hospital Room
That Night
She sat by his side, watching him breathe, watching him sleep. He began to twist and turn, and she knew he was having a bad dream.
“Nikolas, NIKOLAS! It’s just a dream, honey-“
He woke up instantly, terrified.
“It’s all right,” his beautiful mother said. “It’s all right, you’re safe, you’ve got me,” she said, taking his hand and kissing it.
He calmed down and tried to swallow.
“Are you thirsty?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, his throat dry.
She fixed him a cup of water and held it to his mouth to drink. When he finished she sat down again, holding his hand.
“I missed watching you as a baby, and as a little boy, but the first time I held you in my arms, I swear to God I’ve never known such happiness. If I’d known I wouldn’t be able to return to you I never would’ve let you go.”
“I wouldn’t want you to live as my father’s captor, as his slave. You deserved to be set free.”
“It would’ve been worth it to see you grow up. Nikolas, Stefan’s your father,” she said firmly. “In everyway that counts.”
“I know.”
“You know you’re gonna get out of here, no matter what.”
“If I die-“
“Don’t, don’t talk like that. Honey, I’m not gonna let you die. That’s a promise.”
“I love you,” he told her. “I love you so much and I never want you to regret what happened. I know you never meant to abandon me and I need you to promise me something.”
“What? Anything, you know that.”
“Forgive yourself. For leaving me, for everything that happened with Lucky those years ago, forgive yourself for everything.”
Laura never forgave herself for any of her mistakes, she was ashamed to admit it but she couldn’t.
“You’re so hard on yourself, you forgive everyone in the world except yourself.”
“I know,” she said, looking down. “I’ll try. I never understood that myself but I just hate what I’ve done all my life. I’ve made stupid mistakes all my life and I’ve hurt everyone I’ve ever loved.”
“Everyone has hurt people they loved, but you did nothing worse than me treating you like you were nothing to me, you did nothing worse than Lucky feeling he had a right to decide how you and Luke should or should not love each other based on one night that is no one’s business but your own. You did the best you could at the time, and that’s all you’ve ever asked of the rest of us, how about you let yourself off the hook?”
“I will. I promise. You just rest now, don’t waste your strength.”
She waited until he’d gone back to sleep and she cried silently, praying to God to save her child’s life. Before she knew it, it was 1:00 in the morning. She didn’t doze off at all, she wasn’t tired. She was surprised when Luke came in and began to rub her shoulders. She was tense and afraid and he always knew how to rub shoulders better than anyone.
“Thank you,” she said.
“You’re not gonna lose him,” Luke vowed. “I promise. I’m doing everything in my power to find him a strong, healthy heart.”
She smiled and closed her eyes, leaning back against him.
“You’re not supposed to like my son, remember?”
“Yeah well, I’ve actually grown fond of the kid despite my own intelligence,” he said and she laughed.
“I know you’re doing everything you can, Luke, thank you so much.”
“Hey, not a problem, I would still do anything for you, you know that.”
“I do. How’s Lucy?”
“The same, nuts.”
“I’m glad she’s looking after Lesley Lu, tell her I appreciate it.”
“I will. Angel you need to get some sleep, you have to take care of you.”
“I’m not tired,” she said honestly, and calmly. “I’m watching my child and I’m not at all sleepy. I couldn’t sleep if I tried.”
“Well then let me take you to the empty room next door to this one so you can at least lie down for awhile.”
“Luke I’m fine, and I’m not leaving my son.”
Luke gave up.
“All right, but if you need anything, let me know.”
“I will.”
He quietly left, feeling so helpless, so powerless, and he so desperately wanted to fix this for her. He would find a way.
It was nine o’clock in the morning and Nikolas was still asleep. Laura had watched him all night without moving once. She had lost the need to sleep and eat and everything else. The only thing that mattered was that she never leave him. There was a soft knock on the door and it opened, and Alexis came in.
“Hi,” she said softly. “I brought you some food,” she said, coming into the room. “I uh…I got you some delicious Chinese takeout.”
Laura tried to give a convincing smile.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“I got you some great food so that you’ll keep up your strength. That way it’ll be easier for you to stay awake.”
“That’s incentive enough to eat right there, thank you,” Laura said.
“You know before I had my daughter I would’ve suggested you go home and rest, but now that I have her, if I were in your position I wouldn’t leave her either.”
Laura served them both some of the Chinese food, and they both began eating it. Taking a bite, Laura couldn’t help but laugh.
“What?” Alexis asked.
“I have two former sisters in law and you’re one of them, and here we are eating Chinese food together for breakfast in a hospital room. It’s just…silly. Something I wouldn’t have ever thought we’d do.”
Alexis smiled, a stab of guilt entering her about giving Laura hell about abandoning Nikolas when they first met, and now Laura wouldn’t leave his side no matter who tried to make her. And now Nikolas was dying.
“You knew my son more than I did,” Laura said. “And now I may not get the chance to see him alive much longer.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Alexis said, placing a hand over Laura’s.
Alexis could see Laura struggling not to cry and feeling she was about to lose the fight she angrily stood up.
“I have to go outside for a minute, I don’t want Nikolas to see me like this.”
Laura left the room and shut the door behind her, and slid to the floor, covering her eyes with one hand. Monica at the Nurse’s Station found her and came over to him.
“Come here,” Monica said, and Laura went into Monica’s arms, crying silently, but hard at the same time. Monica caressed Laura’s hair. “It’s gonna be all right, I promise you it will be.”
“I can’t live without my son, I can’t do it,” she sobbed.
Alexis opened the door and saw Laura on her knees in Monica’s arms. Monica’s pager went off.
“Oh dammit,” Monica said. “I have to get this honey.”
Alexis stepped in.
“I’ve got her, go ahead,” Alexis said, taking Laura by the waist and helping her to stand.
Monica gave Laura another hug.
“I’ll be back soon and I’ll check on you.”
“Okay,” Laura said, getting her act back together. She looked at Alexis. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go off like that I just-“
“Don’t say anymore,” Alexis said, pulling Laura into an embrace, damn near crying herself.
A nurse came over.
“Is she all right?” the nurse asked of Alexis.
“Yeah,” Alexis said, still holding Laura. “She’s fine. Come on Laura, let’s go wash your face, everything’s gonna be fine.”
Laura splashed the cold water on her face, and Alexis noticed how much nicer Laura had been making herself look this past year. She knew Laura was a beautiful woman and it almost seemed like Laura sometimes worked to not look good. Laura dried her face and looked at Alexis through the mirrors in front of the sink.
“I know you think I’m a bad mother to Nikolas but losing him twice is so much more than I can handle and I just-“
“Don’t, Laura. Don’t defend yourself to me. Your facing every parent’s worst nightmare, and God knows you need to take care of you, not defend yourself to someone who no longer sees you as anything negative.”
Laura breathed out a silent laugh of relief.
“Thank you for that.”
“I can’t believe you still thought I wasn’t a friend of yours…I mean I’ve considered you one for years now-“
“Not where Nikolas was concerned. You told me he was an afterthought of mine and I want you to know that he never was. He never left my thoughts, my imagination, my dreams. It was then I could escape and see my baby that in a way absolutely was ripped from me, kept from me, and in my dreams he would know I always loved him and wanted to see every precious moment of his life. Well Alexis, I’m not gonna lose anymore moments. I can’t. I lost years, I will not lose another second.”
Alexis gave a supportive smile.
“Good for you, that’s the attitude to have.”
“Thank you for helping me.”
“Thank you for letting me help you.”
Alexis walked to Laura and held her again.
“You’re a strong woman, Laura. So much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And coming from another woman who was a degraded Cassadine because of gender and Helena’s hatred, we are both strong, and we will live through this, no matter what happens, I promise.”
The days and nights grew long for Laura as she remained in the hospital, at her son’s side. She remembered staying in the hospital like this when Lesley Lu had gotten sick in 1996, and what a nightmare that had been. But in a way this was worse because for her son to live, someone else had to die. And she knew he didn’t wish that on anyone, and neither did she, but she didn’t know how to lose a child, particularly him, a second time.
Amy, Elizabeth, and other family members and friends came over to comfort Laura, but all she wanted to hear was that her son would live through this. And no one had said that yet. And as Nikolas grew weaker and it got harder for him to breathe, the more determined Laura became. Sonny came by, told her he was doing his very best, and she knew he was but it wasn’t enough. He gave her support and sat with her sometimes, discussing children.
Since he and Carly had broken up and he’d finally married Brenda, they shared custody of Kristina Davis with Alexis. She had sole custody but Sonny did have some visitation rights, despite the business. Alexis never would’ve allowed Sonny to have visitation rights or even knowledge of this baby were he still with Carly. Carly was determined to grow up, and Bobbie was proud of Carly, so Laura was thrilled for Carly, and Alexis. Alexis deserved to have a beautiful daughter of her own, and not have to feel threatened every minute of losing that child.
“Did you know about Kristina?” Sonny asked her.
“I suspected, as did Stefan and Kristina Cassadine. But I had no right to ask Alexis and remember, you felt you had the decision to make the choice about Michael ever knowing AJ was his father, so you didn’t really have ground to stand on.”
“I missed precious moments of my first child’s life, Laura.”
She turned and looked at him. “Yes, and so did I, and so did AJ. You’re not the only one who’s suffered Sonny. I know you’re in the business where if you don’t stay tough and dangerous you’re looked upon as weak, but this is me, and I look at you the same way I look at anybody else. No better, no worse. You’re one of my dearest friends but I don’t see you as worthier than anyone else. We are all special.”
He wanted to be angry that she was siding with AJ but she wasn’t. And that’s why he couldn’t get on her case about it. She was being fair, and rational, and he knew that, despite how much he would always despise AJ. Besides, her child was dying, this wasn’t a time to become defensive.
“I’m so scared, Sonny,” she whispered.
He put an arm around her and pulled her to him.
“He’s gonna be fine, Laura, everything’s gonna be fine.”
“Promise me that, even if it’s a lie, promise me that.”
“I promise.”
A few minutes later Nikolas woke up, and Brenda and Lucy came into the room.
“Hey,” Sonny said, standing up, kissing his wife.
“Laura,” Brenda said. “How you doing?”
“I’m doing better now that my son’s awake,” Laura smiled, hugging Brenda.
“I brought Nikolas his sister,” Lucy smiled, and Lesley Lu came in.
“Aw, come here,” Nikolas said, and his sister ran into his arms.
“Thank you, Lucy,” Laura said.
“Anytime, do you need anything? Food, magazines, anything?”
“Oh, you know how many people have brought food and flowers and magazines already? I think we’re booked. Stefan’s coming in in a few minutes.”
“Well, should we clear out,” Sonny asked.
“Some of you, yes,” Monica said, coming in. “Nikolas needs some rest.”
“I’ll wait outside,” Lucy said. “And then I’ll take Lesley Lu home when she’s ready.”
“Brenda, would you stay?” Laura asks. “Just for a few minutes?”
“Sure,” Brenda said, rubbing Laura on the back reassuringly. “I won’t leave until you kick me out.”
Since Laura and Sonny had gotten close again, so had Brenda and Laura. Nikolas spoke to Lesley Lu and promised her he would be okay. Brenda held Laura’s hand supportively.
“You wanna go get some ice cream or something? Let me get you out of this hospital for a little while?”
Laura debated whether or not to.
“Go, Mom, please,” Nikolas said. “Amy will call you if anything happens, please go.”
“Come on,” Brenda said, and Laura left.
Over ice cream, Brenda tried to distract Laura, but she wasn’t doing a very good job.
“Robin’s doing so great, did you ever talk to Robert about Robin?”
“Yes,” Laura said. “Yes in the late 80s Robert came to visit Luke and myself in Europe. And we talked a lot over the phone. It was a big shock to him to find out he had a child. But he loved her desperately.”
“What was he like? I never met him.”
“He was vibrant,” Laura said. “He was handsome and charming and funny and someone who could charm…you name it, dogs, cats, flies-“
“You?”
“Oh, me, of course,” Laura giggled. “He was very full of life, he’s Lucky’s godfather, I don’t know if you know that.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think Lucky remembers him too well.”
Brenda saw Laura was trying to be polite but wasn’t handling it too well. How could she be? She placed her hand over Laura’s.
“I will give you whatever strength I have, Laura.”
“Thank you. I’d like to go back to the hospital now.”
Brenda looked at her watch.
“Wow, a whole twenty-seven minutes before you asked to go back.”
Laura smiled a little at Brenda’s quirkiness.
“I haven’t seen Stefan in two days, his son, the love of his life is dying and I’m really worried about him.”
“Do you want me to take you to Wyndemere?”
“Can I use your cell phone instead?”
“Sure,” Brenda said, digging it out of her purse.
Laura dialed Stefan’s number. Answering machine, crap.
“Stefan it’s me, don’t worry, nothing else has happened to Nikolas, I just don’t know where you are, and I wanted to check up on you. So please don’t make me worry, just call me.”
“How is your relationship with him these days?” Brenda asked.
“Even better now that Nikolas is ill. We could always be enemies one minute and the next be each other’s closest allies. It’s the way we are, the way we’ve always been.”
“It always seemed you two had a lot between you. I mean I know you and Luke were like…the town’s favorite couple but it seemed like there was so much of you and Stefan that was never quiet worked out. Stuff you too left unsaid.”
“We always did,” Laura replied. “Always. Yet we’ll always be connected, not just by Nikolas but by our mutual hatred for Helena and Stavros, and our survival of both of them.”
Brenda and Laura were silent for a moment until Laura looked down and tried not to cry.
“Oh God,” she said. “Don’t do this, don’t give up hope,” she said to herself.
Brenda reached forward and held Laura’s hand tightly.
“There’s always hope, Laura. There’s always a chance. Your son is still alive, anything can happen.”
“Thank you,” Laura breathed, holding her breath to keep from crying.
Bobbie worked the late night shift, and it was late, 2:00 in the morning. She went to Nikolas’s room to check on him only to find Laura there, sleeping on his hand. Laura had lost weight and her skin was whiter, she probably wasn’t eating particularly well these days. Bobbie couldn’t stand to see Laura this way. She reached for Laura.
“Laura, wake up honey,” Bobbie said and Laura shot up in fear.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, nothing. Everything’s fine. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just wanted to wake you. Laura why don’t you go home and sleep in a real bed? You need your strength too and Nikolas still has time, nothing’s gonna happen to him right now. Take care of yourself, please.”
Laura ran her hands through her long blonde hair and she looked up warily at her sister-in-law.
“Bobbie what would you do? If you were me?” Laura asked, her wet eyes pleading for an answer.
Bobbie sighed and pulled up the other chair beside Laura. Bobbie brushed the tear that fell away from Laura’s luminous skin.
“Probably the same thing you are,” Bobbie said. “I do know, and I do understand.”
Laura nodded and leaned forward slowly to rest her face against Bobbie’s shoulder. Bobbie embraced Laura and rocked her slightly. For a woman she used to hate, Laura felt so safe in Bobbie’s arms. The way Bobbie had always thought she was a princess with a silver spoon in her mouth, Laura always knew Bobbie’s strength far outweighed her own.
“I wish I had your strength,” Laura exhaled.
“You do have strength,” Bobbie replied.
Bobbie pulled back and caressed Laura’s face.
“I love you,” Bobbie said. “And yes, I know I’ve said you never had a backbone and a hundred other cruel things to you but you have more strength than you know. I used to think my life was hard but you have had to survive so much more than I have, and my life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries.”
“I know.”
“But God Laura, you’ve been dealt so much and you just keep going. You keep trying every time when most people would’ve given up. You have to know how strong you are just to be alive when it would’ve been so much easier to stay dead any of the three times you’ve been pronounced dead. You keep going. You never stop. And that’s what makes you so incredibly beautiful inside and out. And you will surpass this bump in the road too, with your son. You’re strong Laura, hold onto that.”
Laura shook her head sadly.
“I’m not strong, I’m not anymore. I’m not sure I ever really was.”
Bobbie tipped up Laura’s chin.
“Yes you are. You survived more tragedies in your life than I can even remember. You survived Stavros and Helena, you survived Stefan and Luke for God’s sake,” she smiled and Laura exhaled a laugh. “I could give you an hour long list of all the hell in your life you’ve outlived. I know when your child’s sick you feel weak and powerless but you’re not, Laura. You’re an iron fist wrapped in a velvet glove.”
Laura tried to smile but her entire body ached to cry and she couldn’t fake a smile.
“Thank you Bobbie,” she managed to say.
Suddenly Laura’s cell phone rang.
“Who would be calling this late?” Bobbie asked.
“I don’t know,” Laura said, reaching in her purse for her phone. “Hello?”
“Laura, it’s Kristina.”
“Kristina, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Stefan.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s at Wyndemere, so am I, but Laura he’s losing it pretty badly, I’m sorry to call this late, he just got in, but I think you should get over here.”
“I’m on my way.”
Laura got her purse and stood up.
“Who is it? What’s wrong?” Bobbie asked.
“It’s Stefan. He needs me, can you stay here and watch Nikolas for me? I’ll be back in the morning.”
“Sure,” Bobbie said but Laura had already bolted out the door.
Laura knocked on the front door and Kristina answered it.
“Hey, come in,” she said the woman with deep red hair. “Thanks for coming, sorry it’s so late.”
“It’s not a problem, I was up,” Laura said, walking in. “Where is he?”
“In the west wing.”
“Okay,” Laura said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Laura?”
“Yeah,” she said, turning around to look at the red-headed young woman.
Kristina walked over to Laura and hugged her.
“I’m sorry you both are going through this.”
“Thank you,” Laura said, hugging her back.
Laura walked through the fortress towards the west wing where she heard him throwing and crushing everything. She opened the door to see him losing it the way he had when Helena had told him Nikolas was Stavros’s.
“Stefan, stop!” she cried.
But he didn’t, he continued throwing anything accessible until Laura ran over to him and grabbed his arm.
“Stefan, stop, trust me it doesn’t help,” she said, now also crying.
Stefan stopped, giving in to his tears and sinking to the floor. He grabbed Laura’s arms and dragged her down with him.
“I know,” Laura sobbed, placing her hands on his shoulders. “I know, dammit, I do know, Stefan.”
She pulled him into her arms and held him, crying with him. She felt his fingers dig into the delicate flesh of her arms as he cried.
“Stefan listen to me,” Laura said, feeling the heated tears streak her face on their way down. “I will not let Nikolas die,” she said, trying to get him to release his grip on her arms before he broke them. “Stefan, look at me, I’m not going to lose him and neither are you. There is a way. There’s always a way.”
He let go of her arms but pulled her down to the floor with him, collapsing in his frustrated tears. She pulled him into an embrace, feeling for a moment like they were back on the island, feeding each other their strength. But this wasn’t the island, she had the control and no matter what, she wouldn’t let her child die, and she wouldn’t let Stefan lose his son. But in a way she needed what Stefan had started just as much as he did. She would feed him her strength and her love, giving him her promise in every touch. And before she knew it he was kissing her, his fingers flooding over her skin, his tears bleeding onto her face as she allowed him to gently push her down to the floor, his mouth hungrily sucking her breasts on the way down. Arching her back as they pulled aggressively at each other’s clothes, she opened her heart, mind, and body to him, drawing him in, in every way. She saturated him with her hands and her mouth, letting him soak up her will to live inside him as he drove himself into her. She didn’t mind, quite the opposite, she’d been so numb for so long she welcomed the roughness. She let him be in control, she felt his pain surpassed hers.
Yet the cancer in their lives that was fueled by the hatred everywhere against them was too much to overcome. So as they held onto each other, thriving, they knew this might be their last moment of sanity. Knowing that, they did everything they could to feed the ache and the craving they shared to survive this darkness. This evil darkness of outliving your child.
He’s covering her and she awaits it, feeling her orgasm build up, taking her pain with it, feeling it rise up and finally scream in anguish as the wave flowed over both of them. As they cling to each other, his hands in her long locks of golden hair, hers resting lightly on his back, they let the emotions wash out of their systems, the tears finally ceasing while being replaced by collages of erotic sensations.
Lying there with him, their bodies slick and spent, she assured him once more.
“I swear to you Nikolas will not die.”
“So you’re telling us there’s nothing that can be done unless we find a compatible heart within the next week?” Stefan asked incredulously. “That all the medical advances can do nothing more for my nephew?”
“We can’t duplicate the heart’s abilities forever,” Monica Quartermaine explained sadly.
Bobbie squeezed Laura’s hand. All of the Cassadines and Spencers once again spanned around Alan, Monica, and Tony.
“Laura, are you all right?” Bobbie whispered.
“I’m about as all right as when they told you your child was brain dead,” Laura whispered back, feeling lightheaded with this news. “Alan, there isn’t going to be a heart donor,” Laura said, stepping forward with a file in her hand. “If all the money in the world can’t save my son, this can,” she replied, handing him the folder.
Alan took the folder and opened it, flipping through the pages, scanning them.
“I don’t understand, this is a folder with your medical records,” he said.
“What do the PCR’s say,” Laura said.
Alan didn’t reply, so Laura did.
“I’m compatible with Nikolas. That is the point.”
“I’m not following.”
“Take my heart!” she exclaimed, the tears bursting from inside her. “Why is this hard? You have the paperwork, you know I’m compatible, take it and give it to him!”
“Laura that’s out of the question,” Monica replied.
“Why? WHY? It’s my son in there, it’s my body, it’s my life, it’s my heart, why is it out of the question when it’s my damn choice?” she cried.
Alexis reached for Laura.
“Laura you can’t ask them to do something like that-“
“Why not?” Laura said, turning to Alexis. “Weren’t you the one who told me Nikolas was only an afterthought to me? Does it shock you I would do this for my son? Don’t judge my choices, Alexis. You raise your daughter the way you think you should but don’t tell me what I can and cannot do for my child.”
“Laura it’s unethical. We cannot take your life-“
“Monica! You have always been like a mother to me, I love you but it’s not your decision. You’re not taking my life, you’re giving me the chance to save my child. He’s in there dying! How can you deny me ANY chance of saving him?” she said, the tears rolling down.
Alan took Laura’s hand.
“I know how hard this is on you, I know what it’s like to fear your child’s life, but you know we can’t perform a procedure to end your life-“
“Alan please,” Laura begged. “I sold my soul to keep this hospital yours, I love everyone in this hospital, and I need you to save my son. Save him please. You have a ready and willing person, his MOTHER. I gave him life once and I need to do it again. I will sign whatever you need, I’ll pay whatever you need-“
“Laura-“
“Stefan shut up, just please shut up,” she pleaded through her tears. “Don’t talk me out of anything. Why do you think I’ve been doing all the stuff to my body to keep it alive and healthy since I found out Nikolas’s heart was in trouble? Do you know how many times I’ve been tested and all the stupid vitamins and treatments to do whatever I could to give my son my life if there was no other way?”
“We need you though, Mom,” Lucky said, breaking through the family crowd to hug her.
She hugged him back, she loved him, but this wasn’t a choice.
“Lucky you’re an adult.”
“What about Lu?” he asked.
“I have given every bit of love I’ve ever had to both of you, but I couldn’t give my love to Nikolas and now I can, and I will.”
Laura had prepared for this already and made several letters and videos to her daughter and to Nikolas for when he awoke without her.
“I love you Lucky, but I cannot watch a child of mine die when I can do something. I almost died myself when we thought you were dead, but this is my choice and I have to make it.”
“Laura, this is insanity,” Bobbie said.
“Well maybe but the insanity will save my sons life!”
“Laura, listen to me,” Luke said, taking her hands. “I’ll save him. I’ll find a way.”
“Luke, there’s no time,” Laura said frantically, the tears swelling up. “Bobbie knows this, Bobbie, you knew that with BJ’s heart. The longer you waited the longer the great the chance it wouldn’t work inside Maxie. The body will reject the new heart. Why are you all staring at me as if you wouldn’t die for your children?”
“I would, Laura believe me but…” Bobbie trailed off.
“I love all of you so much but that little boy in there is dying, and I can stop it! I can help my child! I tested myself for Lesley Lu and would’ve given her my bone marrow or my blood or my heart if it had been her and I will do it for Nikolas. I brought him into the world and I want to keep him safe.”
Lesley moved in front of Bobbie and embraced her only child.
“I know you’re scared honey, I know you’ve had the threat of losing all of your children so many times you feel like you will break any second if any one of them is ever in danger again, but there is no way you can ask Alan and Monica to perform a procedure like that-“
“Why not?!?” Laura shot back, pulling from her mother’s arms, furious with everyone for denying her what was her choice. “It’s MY LIFE!” she shouted and stormed from the room down a staircase.
“I’ll-“ Bobbie began.
“I’ll follow her!” Stefan announced, and everyone else backed off as he went after her.
XxX
Dammit! Damn all of them. She loved all of them but they were wrong! How dare they try to tell her how to save the child that was kept from her! That saw only a painting of her for sixteen years! Why wasn’t it her decision? It was her son, her heart, her life! How reasonable would ANY of them be in her place? Maybe she was being drastic but everyone her whole damn life had told her what to do. EVERYONE. Even without words she could hear their thoughts pounding against her, their disapproval spilling onto her when she didn’t do it their way. She grew up too fast and at the same time grew up too slow. She’d been too nice. Too nice to everyone. And being a total jerk to herself. Everyone before her. Well this was her. This was about her. And it was her decision alone. She knew Stefan or Luke or Bobbie would try to come after her but as much as she loved all three of them, they were wrong to try to stop her.
She slammed down the accelerator and turned onto a country road. As she drove she was flooded with fear that maybe she hadn’t told them she loved them all enough. Maybe she should’ve said it one more time before she stormed out like that. But God they made her so mad, still looking at her like she was that 16 year old little girl who needed everyone’s help. She knew they meant well and that they were terrified to lose her. Well they should be, she’d been pronounced dead three times. But this time, the final time. She’d rise out of her body and revive her son.
She looked in the rear-view mirror. Stefan was behind her. A ways behind her, he probably couldn’t see her yet, but he was there. Dammit! The roads now had hills and she was doing a lot of swerving because of the speed she was pressing. But as she drove recklessly, everything poured out of her, all her pain and anguish was slipping out of her, falling away with the dust her car left behind. She let it all go. Let all her regrets and frustrations go, sad and happy tears falling.
“You’re gonna feel better soon, Nikki,” she whispered, blazing down the road. “It’s gonna be okay, I’ll stay with you.”
She saw her exit reached her hand down to unclasp the seatbelt. She wiped her tears and steered perfectly on the road till the last second and breathed in a deep final breath, knowing no one would take this choice from her---
Stefan saw her speeding and then deliberately swerve off a small cliff, knowing that’s what she would do and cursing himself for not being fast enough to somehow stop her from choosing this path. He slowed his car and called for an ambulance, but knew she was already willing herself to live, if not dead already.
He tumbled down into the ditch, the smoke everywhere. The car was upside down. Could he even bare to see what was left of her? No, no he had to look, just in case she would live. Nikolas would never forgive him if he didn’t at least try. He went around to the driver’s side, she wasn’t there.
“Stefan,” he heard her plead, and he turned around.
She’d been thrown from the car when she unbuckled her seatbelt. Stefan dashed to her side. Her head was cut badly and she was bleeding. It was a severe head injury. She reached her hand up to him and he took it tightly, edging her into his lap to calm her.
“It’s all right, the ambulance is on their way,” he assured her.
“Good,” she replied. “Stefan I never said it but I’ve always loved you. I loved others but I loved you. And I want you to take care of my heart until it’s inside our son.”
“Shhh, Lasha don’t speak, save your strength.”
“It needs to pump until it gets to him. Get me to him quickly.”
“I will, I promise, whatever you want,” he said, crying now.
“I won’t let them blame you,” she whispered. “I needed this. Tell him I love him.”
And then he felt her grip on his hand loosen, and she closed her eyes.
He felt all right. He opened his eyes and felt better. He opened his eyes and everything was a blur at first. Bobbie came in. She was so happy to see him but at the same time so sad. Stefan came in, of course. Held him, talked to him. But when Lucky, Lesley, Luke, and Lulu came in without Laura, he was curious.
“Where’s my mother?” he asked all of them.
“I was prepared for this,” Luke said, popping the videotape Laura had left him into the television set Stefan had setup.
Then they all watched as a beautiful, glowing, healthy and very alive Laura explained to Nikolas what she had, done she had done it, and how happy she is that it worked. But as she spoke, he more and more nauseas, like he had taken something from her that he shouldn’t have. That her heart beating inside of him was somehow wrong. How could he do this to her? She was prepared for that too, but he shouted for Luke to turn off the video and Luke did as Nikolas shouted for everyone to get out, so much so that Bobbie had to sedate him. His fingers were probing Bobbie’s arms.
“One of the first things I told was that she didn’t love me, how could I do that to her?” Nikolas sobbed at Bobbie and he fell into unconsciousness.
“Your son’s alive Vlad,” Luke said to his arc enemy, both of them watching Nikolas close his eyes as the sedative kicked in. “Her heart’s beating inside him. She’s strong enough to have done that for him. And she’s breathing with him. Be grateful that it worked. You saved my daughter, she saved her son.”
“I am. I just don’t know how to make Nikolas forgive himself. He feels what he did years ago, his cruelness to her is somehow still something he should hate himself over.”
“Well I know what it’s like to have done something to Laura and not be able to forgive yourself, even if you pretend like you have. But she wants you to, always. That was Laura. She makes you forgive yourself. She did it for me, no matter how much I didn’t want her to. She’ll do it for him.”
Luke left and suddenly Stefan was standing beside his red-headed sister. He put his arm around her.
“Well help him through it, Stefan. We get him through it,” she smiled.
Completed: October 23rd, 2003