TITLE: I knew (1/1)
AUTHOR: Kylia (kylia_owl@yahoo.com)
DISCLAIMER: Nobody belongs to me, unfortunately. They belong to Pet Fly, and
a few other people I don't know.
ARCHIVE: Yes. List archives, anywhere else, let me know where, and it's
yours.
RATING: R
FANDOM: The Sentinel
PAIRING: Jim/Blair
CATEGORY: Angst ; First Time
SPOILERS: Post TSbBS
SUMMARY: Jim/ Blair
FEEDBACK: Please. My muses need to be fed.
AUTHOR's Notes: Response to the Soundtrack Wheel; Blair is injured, Jim
thinks.
DEDICATION: To Liz, as always
****

The silence of the room surrounds me. It isn't really silent, not to me,
not to a Sentinel. But any absence of him is silence to me. I can hear the
sound of his even breathing, and the sound of the IV's as they drip their
fluid into his body, but without his voice it all seems sort of bleak.

We've only been here for three hours but it seems like a lifetime.

Blair was injured chasing a criminal down by the docks and got a bullet
through his shoulder. Unfortunately, it was the grapefruit-sized lump on
the back of his head, which kept us here.

The bullet had been removed, and the doctors were waiting for him to come
around. The longer I sat in this room, watching him, listening to him
simply existing, the more I realized the mistakes I'd made.

There were so many of them, really. Many of which we had had worked
through, but the worst of which was my own arrogance. My own belief that we
'd have enough time. That there would always be another opportunity to say
what needed to be said.

But maybe, we've run out of time.

*****

The doctor's said that he would awaken at anytime.

I remain here, waiting for him to wake up. So I can here his voice, telling
me that I look like shit or chiding me for dropping my gun, or something
else equally Blair-like. I have so much to say to him; so much I've delayed
in saying.

//There's no time like the present//

I hear the words but they don't come from any outside source, and I realize
that wherever they came from, they're correct.

I sit on the edge of the bed and take Blair's hand in my own. "Chief, I don
't know where to begin."

"I won't tell you this is all my fault because we both know that would be a
lie. And I won't tell you that I wish I had never met you, never gotten you
involved in my life, because that too would be a lie." I paused and looked
at his face, his eyes were moving beneath the lids, almost as if he could
hear me, enough so that I pushed myself further.

"You turned my world around, everything I have in my life, has meaning
because of you. Everything I've done, I've done, for you, to be what you
saw in me." I chuckled and turned my head towards the one window in the
room. The sun was shining in and I couldn't help but think how Blair was
like my sunshine, not that I'd ever actually *say* that to him. "Could I be
any sappier?" I asked quietly, more to myself than to him.

"Not. much." The words were rasped out of a dry throat and for an instant I
was sure I had imagined it.

When I looked down to the bed, I saw Blair's eyes opened, if only barely,
his throat was working, trying to get his mouth to work properly.

"Chief?" I reached over to the plastic cup of ice chips the nurse had left
me, in case he woke up, and placed a chip in between his dry lips.

The doctor came in then and I stood up and watched as they checked him over.

I knew that I never really had any doubt that he would wake up, he wasn't
badly hurt, but still those first words out of his mouth, however brief
brought a smile to my face.

*****

It was another two hours before we walked through the front door of the
loft, Blair bitching about the amount of prescriptions and leave Simon was
forcing on us both.

I just chuckled because it was so *like* him I couldn't not.

"You know, you were right." Blair spoke after I brought him a glass of
water to wash down his medication.

"Really? That's a first." I smiled. "About what?"

"This not being your fault." He slightly raised his injured shoulder.

"I know." I told him, and I did.

"I love you." I finally let the words slip past my lips. "Have I ever told
you that?" I knew I hadn't.

Blair grinned at me, his eyes twinkling at me through the medicated haze.
"No, but I always knew."

And that seemed to the end of it. I pulled him into my arms, being careful
of his injured side, and his fell asleep.

Nothing much changed, and I guess I never really expected it to.

****

End

***********

Within You
Soundtrack Music from Labyrinth


How you turned my world, you precious thing
You're starving me, exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
You've run so long
You've run so far
Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you
Yes I do
Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
(sigh)
I, I can't live within you