Joke Index:
- The strange similarities between the assissinations of Kennedy and Lincoln
- Cartoons on Drugs
- Michael Jordan's Paycheck
Lincoln VS. Kennedy
Think about this....................
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.
Here is an interesting one...
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinaited by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerens.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
Both assassins were know by their three names.
Both names compromise fifteen letters.
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
Cartoons on Drugs
Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Suspects:
10. Gargamel
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys
in faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does
he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oil
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that
skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her
burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popey
and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.
8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is
suspicious.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE
POWER OFANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone
in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even
injects the shit in his pet tiger. Animal abuse.
6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back
to the cave and trip.
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip
him an upper every year or two? The only time I ever saw him
happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.
3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they
are under investigations. Allegations that Doc is writing some
extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are
afloat.
2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Merion Barry is clean. He is so wired
he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off
all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol
wouldn't work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes, Porky
though.
1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee,
the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until
you go to the Munchi Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog
treats consumed per episode does pot. And look at the way him
and his friends painted that van!
MJ's Paycheck (coming soon)