Carrion for the Vultures
Carrion for the Vultures

Some bands shouldn't even exist. We wouldn't even mention these pieces of shit if it weren't for the fact that we want to warn our fellow metalheads of crap music. Some wise words of advice: "buyer beware!!"





Ophthalamia
Via Dolorosa

Shetait:
What happens if one member writes all the music? Yes, an album on which all the songs sound the same is released. In addition, every song lasts for almost ten whole minutes. The song structures/riffs are really repetitious. The best track is the last one: "Deathcrush", a covered Mayhem song. Besides that it is Ophth-LAME-mia.
Xuthus:
I could not believe the unbelievable repetition of this album when I first listened to it. The same "happy" and, at times, retarded melodies over and over again. The only (cough) saving factors of this album are the vocals (done by Legion, current throat of Marduk) and the Mayhem cover.


Nazxul
Totem

Xuthus:
Like most other dwellers of the underground, I read all sorts of publications to find out who the best new bands are. While reading one of the glossier zines, (I won't mention the name, but the first letter is "P", the last letter is a "T" with an "I" sound in the middle), I came upon the review of this "great" new band from Austrailia. The guy who did the interview with them couldn't help but use phrases like "crushing evil" to describe Nazxul. With my curiosity piqued by these praises, I ordered their album, "Totem", as soon as possible. What did I get?!! TOTAL SHIT, THAT'S WHAT!! Muddy, down-tuned guitars, directionless riffing, and worse of all, a vocalist who makes the most obvious use of a vocal harmonizer I have ever heard! Don't be fooled that Nazxul is a good band!



Crisis
Deathshead Extermination

Xuthus:
Well, record labels are always in search of a gimmick to sell more records, and unfortunately, the gimmick of Crisis will bring in plenty of suckers. What gimmick you say? Well, Crisis has a "brutal" female vocalist. Don't get me wrong, I like Dana Duffey from Demonic Christ and the woman who sang for 13. It's just that a band cannot exist on one premise alone. The music is a lovely cross between the most irritating Biohazard riffs with experimentation that rings of crap from the likes of Korn. The vocalist sounds fine when she is shrieking, but then she breaks into this melodic singing that doesn't go well with the fucked up music. I'm sure all of the alternative sheep will eat this up.



Bestial Warlust
Blood and Valour

Xuthus:
Hahahahahahaha!! Someone smack me! You would think that I would learn my lesson from buying Nazxul that the Austrailian scene sucks, but no. I had to get another CD by an Austrailian band. Bestial Warlust is marginally better than Nazxul, but that isn't saying much. I knew right away what I was in for. The first song had one riff!! Do you hear me, one riff! What follows is neanderthal aggression, shitty production, and songs that sound alike. They should leave songwriting to the experts.




Mortification
Scrolls of the Megilloth

Shetait:
I pity Australia for this is the home of yet another lame band. Christian Death Metal, hmm there is something wrong with that statement. Death should be brutal, bloody, satanic, evil and blasphemous. Christian music is what gay musicians like Kenny G play. However, Death to Christians is a correct statement.



Anaon
Les Rites de Cromlech

Shetait:
Oh boy, Anal umm I mean Anaon is full of vibrators umm I mean chainsaw guitars. Man, weak vox, lousy drum sound,... everything needs to have more bite! Shitty synth parts and wanna be heavy guitar riffs...oh almost forgot to put down the French lyrics....



Clair Obscure
Sombre Revelations

Shetait:
FUCK YES, finally another promising shit release!!! I am really excited cos only here you get a shitty drum sound, especially the snare kicks ass. Three tracks of which the shortest one is seven minutes and fourty-five seconds. So get this for a combined length of approximately thirty minutes of dance rhythms, lousy keys and weak vocals. A must have for all those who enjoy wiping their ass with CDs and colorful booklets.



Hrossharsgrani
Ancient Tales

Shetait:
I do not fucking get it. Why do people actually release such crap and why do others promote as being good stuff? The best part are samples of the truely great Conan movies. Guess what you have accomplished with lousy timing, as in I do not give a fuck if the break with the drums and the other instruments is way off beat, and a shitty sound to even ruin those samples. Should I mention that the vocals are pathic and that the clean singing is also rather funny. Maybe it would sound better if it were in tune. The cover of Bathory's Song to Hall Up High should better never reach the ears of any sword wielding viking, for he will cut your head off and shove these fourteen lousy tracks down your neck....11 out of 10 points in the category of MUSICAL EXCREMENTS.



Impaled Nazarene/Abruptum
Torturer summoned the Cruor Beast and felt the need to let others know about the existence of these two shitty bands. The High Wizards do not neccessarily agree with Torturer, although in the past one of the Cruor members sold an Impaled Nazarene album for a few bucks, and I, Shetait, only enjoyed one of their tracks while the other songs appeared to be more of a joke,....



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