Audrey's Rules on Internet Dating...
You all know how it is, you see that other person across the room, right from the start when he/she *walks into the room* and *S*'s at everyone…….you are a goner, And then they talk to you and you know that you have met the "one". After a little casual banter out in the room, the PM's start and you are asking one another for 'stats". A few days later you see this person in the room again, and something about their *L* makes you *S*. You feel quite at ease *LOL* in front of him/her or every once in a while , you don't mind that they *ROTF* sometimes they are even *ROTFLMAO*……no matter what they do, it's all good. Before you know it, you two are exchanging *WG*'s and you are talking of moving this thing from the cyber optic realm in to fiber optic and let your fingers do the walking in lots of other ways…*WG*
Well peeps, let me give you some advice, and take it for whatever it's worth………….unless you know for sure that this person isn't related to Hannibal Lechter or is not about to give his/her life over to a spaceship following cult and wants to take you along for a ride…………then here are a few simple rules you might wanna follow:
Before Swapping Fiber Optic digits ask a couple of simple questions to determine if he/she really is a he or a she ……
To determine if the other person is really a guy :
1- Ask him what the last book he read was, if he mentions something by Martha Stewart, be suspicious……
2- Ask him if he knows who Dan Marino, Dennis Rodman, or Randy Johnston are, and if he says he's not sure but he thinks they make up the line up for AQUA, you know there is a problem……
To determine if the other person is really a girl:
1- Ask her what size nylons she wears, trust me, this works, guys don't have a clue when it comes to women's nylons and will almost always give themselves away as a guy just screwing around when they answer you with a "Well a size 36 long the last time I checked"…..
2- Ask her what she thinks of Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio and if she says that she thinks the point spread was a little wide in the last game, well, there's a gender issue here boys……..
3- Ask her what she thinks smells great on a guy and if she says a freshly opened MGD draft or cut grass, move on to the next candidate……..
Some other warning signs or things that should make you suspicious:
· When you are chatting on the net, they always tell you they have to leave because they are going to miss the season finale of Family Matters, Eight is Enough…ect.
· In the middle of a line of text that goes something like this …" It's nice seeing you back out here again, *S* I thought about you a lot after the last time we, Hell, Bitch, Gdamn , woop, woop, holler, yell, chatted and wondered if we would run into each other again *S*"…….this person might be suffering from something called 'Net Tourette's Syndrome'….think about your possible future offspring with this one folks.
· Keeps mentioning that damn secret decoder ring he wants to send you.
· Strangely enough, gets off the net at the same time every evening, and mentions that if he doesn't get off soon, he won't be able to come out again for the next week………….Are we dealing with a mature grown up here or a kid or a kid who has a certain amount of net time in the evenings before bed ?
· Always comes into the chat room under a different name and they just keep getting stranger and stranger and he only PM"s you that you can only talk to him through PM"s, and when you ask why they tell you that "they might be watching".
· Keeps asking you if you have ever thought about the end of the world and that they know a nice place that you can watch it all blow up before your eyes.
· When you ask what their favorite past time is and his answer goes anything like this, "well I am really busy sharpening my knive collection and cleaning my guns, so I don't have to much time for hobbies now days, but back in Leavenworth I picked up a knack for making things out of cardboard toilet paper holders, maybe someday I'll show you the Elk Head I made…or she says something like, "I'm really busy with my Chia pet Garden, it takes a lot of time to water and groom Peetie, and Phillie, and/ or , you know you are in trouble when she mentions that she spends about 3 hours a day doing her hair and make up….Boys, think scary here, be very afraid at this point, she either looks like a Tammy Faye wanna be or her hair is teased within and inch of it's life and if you own a convertible you will have to take the top down when you pick her up. Guys, any woman who spends this much time on her hair and make-up can't possibly hold down a real job and either works at Claire's in the mall or at McDonald's.
Stay tuned for Audrey's rules on that first face to face meeting.....
E-mail me!
