Spoken like a true socialist. Which, you may be somewhat surprised to learn,
Mel C is. To Mel, Mrs Thatcher wasn't the original Spice Girl: she was the
evil bitch who ripped the heart out of her native Liverpool.
"That Mrs Thatcher thing really pissed me off. I was brought up in Liverpool
where everyone`s a socialist, and to f***ing get branded a Tory was the most
hurtful thing that`s ever been written about me. I wanted a retraction cos I
thought, 'I can`t walk round the streets of Liverpool with everyone thinking I`m
a f***ing Tory.'"
Not that Tony Blair should get too complacent about her support.
"New Labour is just the Old Conservatives, isn`t it? Everything`s just changed
and they've all blended into one. Nobody can please everybody but when they do
stuff like make students pay for their tuition it's like 'Hello?' Mind you,
William Hague's just a complete egghead, isn't he?"
So what's she like then, this "indie" Spice Girl? Well, as we meet her at the
photo studio, it's clear she's an oasis of normality obscured by a forest of
management, security and stylists. She's endearingly chuffed at passing her
driving test at the first attempt this very morning. She's very friendly, has a
filthy laugh and, as you may have gathered, swears a phenomenal amount for
someone who spends a significant part of her life on TV. She's like one of the
lads really, only with better abdominal muscles. As for her indie credentials,
well, the CDs she's brought along for the shoot include Radiohead, Chemical
Brothers and Skunk Anansie and only one major indiscretion: "Where Have All The
Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole.
"I love indie music now," she grins. "Back in 1991 I was into hardcore and going
out raving. Then a few years later my friend who was into indie said 'You've
got to listen to this!' At first I was like 'I'm not listening to f***ing
indie music, I'm a raver, me.' But that record was 'Parklife' and I was
converted from that day..."
The best gig Mel C ever saw was Blur at Mile End. She loves Supergrass and
Oasis. She'd like Skin from Skunk Anansie to join her band ("She could be Very
Scary Spice!"). She fancies Liam and Damon. She hasn`t heard the Period Pains
record, but she knows who Kenickie are and knows they always get called "the
indie Spice Girls". ("Must be dreadful," she smiles. "I'd hate to be called
the pop Kenickie".) And when the Spice Girls and the Manics got two Brits
apiece at the '97 ceremony, she was "hideously embarrassed". "I mean," she smiles, "I know who I'd have voted for."
In other words, she fits right in to the MM universe. But she's still surprised
to be here.
"Surprised and honoured. I just hope you're not going to take the piss out of
me. I mean, what's the average MM reader? He's probably a bloke who wants to
f*** three of the Spice Girls...and I'm not one of those three, unfortunately. Blokes like the Spice Girls to annoy their girlfriends, don't they? But I
think the Makers' readers can appreciate our attitude cos we really don't give
a f***."
Mel C admits she "probably wouldn't" like the Spice Girls it she wasn't in them. (..hmm..)
But was she ever actually in an indie band?
"No, but I always wanted to be. There was always an indie band at school and
they were always dead cool. I always wanted to go out with one of the lads in
it and sing for them but they didn't want to know. I was a bit of a pleb at
school, I'm afraid."
Oh well, perhaps whoever's treading the so-called boards down the Monarch
tonight will make you an offer.
"Yeah, I like going to gigs. It's better than dance clubs where the music's
s**te and everyone just goes to get off their nut. At least at indie clubs you
can appreciate the music..."
Spoken like the bass player with Smog, I'm sure you'll agree! So, photos done,
it's definitely time to hit Camden.
Once there, we hook up with yet more security who, when quizzed about Hairy
Situations They Have Known, simply shrug their massive shoulders and say: "We're
here to make sure things don't get hairy." Fair enough, but their proud record
of avoiding hirsute scenarios looks like it might be sacrificed this evening.
Certainly, the mayhem at the tube station is repeated when Mel poses for photos
outside the Monarch, proving that even the cool Camden clique isn't above a bit
of good, old-fashioned Spicemania. We flee the madness, aiming to lose
ourselves in the crush watching ropey old punk band Gigantic inside. But even
here, as soon as the crowd realise there's a genuine megastar in their midst,
they cease watching the band and start watching Mel instead. We stay until the
end of the set and then we run for our lives.
Safely ensconced in a reassuringly empty pub, the newly-christened Indie Spice
ponders her baptism by fire.
"They were really good," she grins. "That bloke looks a bit funny, but he can
really sing."
Ah, but can you, Mel C? That funny looking bloke from Gigantic and most MM
readers would probably sneer and call you "manufactured".
"So f***ing what? I mean, I could get all frustrated about it and point out that
we left our original management cos we didn't want to do what someone else told
us to. But it's not worth it. Some people don't even believe we write our own
f***ing tunes..."
Er, that was my next question, actually.
"We co-write them with our producers. We're not musicians... well, vocally we
are, but we don't play instruments. Our producers do the music but the melodiesand lyrics, that's all us."
So, what do you say to Noel Gallagher over his famous "Isn't it about time the
Spice Girls did some gigs"jibe?
"We met Noel the night he said that, actually. He came over to us at the
Capital Awards and we were all dead excited cos we all love Oasis. And he says
'I just wanted to come over and say hello while I still can.' We were wondering
why he'd said that and then he goes up to get his award. And we're like 'Oh,
that's why you said it, you cock.' And then he did a runner. But y'know, if
Oasis are bigger than God then what does that make us? Bigger than Buddha? Cos
we're a darn sight f***ing bigger than Oasis..."
Lawks. With fighting talk like that, no wonder brother Liam has yet to take Mel
up on her offer to step outside.
"Yeah, I think he's avoiding me. Could I have him in a scrap? Yeah! Cos I'm
from Liverpool and he's from Manchester and we're harder!"
Perhaps this is what they mean by Girl Power. I say perhaps because even Mel
herself seems unsure as to the exact meaning of the phrase.
"It's really difficult to explain," she says. "It's just about getting girls to
stand up for themselves. It's to do with media perception of what a woman
should be like. There are so many kids with eating disorders and it's down to
models in magazines. It's like, come on, that's not a normal person."
Many people would say the Spice Girls offer just as unrealistic an image of
womanhood.
"Well yeah, I can see that we're all fairly attractive and not obese or
anything. But that makes it even more horrifying when someone takes a dodgy
pic of Victoria with a double chin and puts the headline 'Podge Spice' on it. If the papers are calling us fat, what the hell is some young girl who is big
going to think? It's disgusting really."
Are you a feminist?
"I don't know. I don't think so. I'm not that political. I just think everyone
should be able to do what they want to do, I don't want to ram anything down
people's throats."
Mel thinks Loaded is "f***ing great". She says Page Three is "tacky and cheap",
even when Geri did it, "but it doesn't offend me". She heard of Riot Girl and
"Bikini Overkill" (sic) through an episode of "Roseanne". She is not, it seems
fair to say, Germaine Greer. But then you'll see precious few examples of young
girls learning to fight back against their male playground oppressors by reading
"Female Eunuch". Or see pics of Germaine forcing the traditional male pin-ups
from the bedroom walls of a kerzillion teenage girls.
"Yeah, we're turning the nation into lesbians!" she giggles. "Well, I don't
mind if we are cos then there'll be more boys to choose from and I might get a
fella."
It needn't be a fella, Mel. Apparently you're very big in the lesbian
"community".
"Am I?" she says, sounding mildly horrified. "That's quite complimentary, I
suppose, cos women have good taste. I do get a lot of 'Ooh, she's the lesbian
one' cos I haven't got a boyfriend and...well, I'm not butch, but I'm a bit of
a tomboy. I don't like it much cos, well, I'm not and it's hard enough to get a
bloke as it is. Mind you, blokes like lesbians, don't they? They think it's all
a bit kinky."
Have you ever had a gay experience?
"No. Never. It's funny cos other members of the band say 'Oh, come on, everyone
has fantasies about lesbian things' and I'm like 'Do they?' I'm straight. I'm
very straight. I've got a lot of gay friends but there's no confusion in my
mind about my sexuality."
Calm down, calm down! After all, the readers of a popular men's magazine
recently voted you the 56th sexiest woman on the planet!
"That's the biggest pile of s**t. I beat supermodels and stuff. Hello? But I
did beat Melanie B. It's always me and her who come last in everything. But
Geri only comes top cos she gets her baps out. But I don't think about being a
sex symbol. I still haven't got a fella."
Indeed, one tabloid recently claimed Mel hadn't had sex for a year.
"If you believe that, you'll believe anything. But I don't really get chatted
up, I never have. Blokes talk to me about football rather than chatting me up."
Er, Mel, that's most blokes' idea of chatting someone up.
"You reckon? Oh. But we don't get groupies or anything. I did get one letter
asking me to marry them, but it was from a 14-year-old boy. It's weird to think
of boys up in their rooms with posters of us, but I think it's great teenage
boys fantasising over us."
Blimey. For us, however, fantasy time is nearly over. Mel C must leave this
indie utopia of grimy pubs and dodgy punk bands and go back to filming her movie
debut, recording the Spice Girls' second album and generally being a megastar.
And I must go and have a kebab. We sup up our pints and head for the car,
pursued by the shouts and hollers of Camden's youth as we go.
Do you ever get sick of all this?
"Nah. We were talking about Richey Manic the other day and saying, if it all
gets a bit much we might do something like that. Just disappear. Like them
rappers. They're f***ing spliffing it up on some island somewhere, taking the
piss out of everyone. Tupac and Biggie... yeah, we'll go and join them."
Somehow, you doubt it'll come to that. For Mel C has taken everything life can
throw at her in her Adidas-shoed stride. She's been there, done it all and sold
several million copies of the promotional T-shirt. Except for one thing. One
solitary-yet-essential aspect of modern-day human existence has so far been
denied her. But the Maker is here to put the last sticker in her Panini Life
Experience Album.
Hey Mel! Who's your favourite Spice Girl?
"I like 'em all," she smiles. "But if I wasn't in the band, I'd be my
favourite."
Ladies and gentlemen, Sporty Spice has left the building. But Indie Spice will
see you down Club Spangle for a lager'n'black next Monday. Probably.
*August 16th 1997 Issue
Ok, I am very skeptical about this article. Yes, Melanie isn't sweet ALL the time (neither is Emma, probably), no one is, but some parts of the interveiw were very harsh. Yes, being followed by fans endlessly is probably a pain in the ass, but I found it a bit of a surprise when she said "I'm making f***ing money and I'm getting all the glory so if they want to camp outside my house, so be it." I think some of this interview was made up by the interveiwer, which you should expect, too, because...well...because its the press! And when the guy said Mel "probably wouldn't" like the Spice Girls if she wasn't in them, I think thats a lie because in another interview (I think it was from Rolling Stone) a guy asked her about that and she denied ever saying that. Sure, probably if she wasn't in the Spice Girls she wouldn't like them, but I think she has enough smarts not to say it out loud cos she knows she'll get pounded by the media for it. I dunno, I just can't trust the words of the media anymore...is it just me, do you guys feel like you can trust the media?
If you want, you can write in the Guestbook and tell me what you think.