Jeff says "Feel the power!"

What gave you the initial idea to start up your own zine?
It's a funny story, so start laughing now. I was at a friend's house and he had a computer. I had just bought the new Annihilator album and wanted to check out their official website. We did and it was cool. Then I went and checked out the Iron Maiden website and I was hooked. Then I had an idea to email Jeff Waters to tell him how he ruled. He never wrote back and hasn't to this day. In fact, I emailed him many more times and faxed his house. I can be a real pest when trying to get someone's attention. Anyway, I opened the newest issue of "Metal Edge" magazine and it was chock- full of email addresses by every washed-up metal band. Thus, the idea for my "Savage Email" column was born. My friend and me savagely emailed every motherfucker in that section! I told my friend Lon about it and he thought it was hilarious. Lon edited such zines as "Heavy Fucking Metal" and "Screams From The Gutter" in the 1980s, and he suggested we do one together. Well, that lazy ass only wrote three reviews, so I decided it would be my zine and he could contribute. The first issue was the only one he contributed with those three measly reviews. I had planned to do the zine like a cut and paste one, but my friend Neil, who edits "Limousine Digest" (an industry magazine), told me he'd like to edit and format it for me. Well, I spent my nights at his house and Kinko's until I finished the first issue. It was a bitch. The "Metal Rules!" name comes from my boss. I always say that things "rule." When I fill out the order form for the store I work at I always write "this rules" next to things I think look cool The boss always makes fun of me for writing that. I thought to myself that the thing that rules most of all is heavy metal. Ta da, Metal Rules! Was born!

Did you previously read many underground zines?
The only ones I read or knew about was "No Glam Fags," which is now known as "Ill Literature," and "Metal Core," because I got it free from Chris Forbes when we used to work out at the same gym. It was really primitive back then, but fun.

What was the first heavy metal album you ever purchased?
Ironically the first album I ever bought was the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack record. C'mon, you know that record rules! The next record was Steve Martin's "Wild And Crazy Guy." Up next was Aerosmith's "Dream On." I didn't buy another record for two years until Ted Nugent's "Double Live Gonzo." A lot of people will say Nugent didn't play metal. They're crazy! Ever hear the man in his hey day? Gonzo fuckin' metal!

How often do you go see live metal concerts?
As much as I can. I work six days a week, have a family, operate a mail-order business, and of course edit my killer metal zine. So it doesn't leave much time.

What was the greatest metal concert you've ever attended?
It would have to be Slayer every time I see them. There is no other band in the universe that has that sort of intensity on stage. Other memorable shows include: Iron Maiden/Judas Priest, the Monsters Of Rock with Metallica/Kingdom Come/Dokken/Scorpions/Van Halen, Ozzy/Metallica, Twisted Sister/Iron Maiden, Armoured Saint(WASP/Metallica, Rainbow/Scorpions/Riot, Clash Of The Titans with Slayer/Megadeth/Anthrax, AC/DC every time, and believe it or not REO Speedwagon. That was my first concert.

Reading through your zine, I get the strong sense that you are a bitter, lonely, introverted person. Do you feel my psychological assessment of you is correct? Please elucidate.
I guess you must have failed your S.A.T. I guess the only part of your assumption that is correct is that I'm bitter with the majority of my oldest friends because they showed their true colours in the planning of my wedding. I'm extremely outgoing, and you know that, smart-ass! Lonely? My wife is fucking hot, I have the coolest family in the world, plus some good friends and acquaintances who amuse the shit out of me. Plus, I'm busy as Hell. Lonely? Hardly.

In many of your interviews and reviews you are quite insulting to bands. Have any of them gotten really pissed off at you for this or threatened you?
Nobody has ever been pissed off that I know of or threatened me. If they can't handle the heat, they shouldn't do interviews or send stuff for review.

Why do you get off ridiculing and belittling other human beings? Shame, shame!
Yes, I enjoy teasing and busting on people. But it is done in fun in the interviews. if I belittle a band in my interviews it is because they either suck or they are ugly. Or both. Damn it, if they are ugly, they have it coming!

What were you like as a child?
Exactly as I am now. I was very inquisitive and liked to point and grab at breasts, which I referred to as "fatness."

Jeff and his favourite household appliance

I bet you were beat-up and picked-on a lot as a child. Or were you the class clown?
Waahh! You had to dredge up those painful memories, didn't you?! Actually, I was a little of both. When I was real little until I was 10 everybody loved me, until it was time for sports. Nobody wanted me on their team, and I can't blame them. I was horrible. My mother made me play all these sports and the kids couldn't stand me. They picked the girls and the kid with the crutches before me. I lived in North Tonanwanda, NY, for awhile where at the age of 12 I made the mistake of mentioning that I was a Jew. It seems that my sister and I were the only Jews in the entire town. What a fuckin' nightmare! I got teased mercilessly. "Bagel Boy" was my nickname. In retrospect, it was a funny name. But back then I thought it blew. Getting chased was a daily occurrence. There is more to this, but I don't feel like throwing up by thinking about it. When I first moved to NJ, my friends were the kids from "Animal House" that were losers and never got pledged. You remember? They were total geeks! One kid used to pick on me all the time. After all the abuse I received in NY, I wasn't about to let it continue here. I knocked him in the fuckin' jaw and caused him to fall over on the lunch table. Then I was popular from then on and was always nice to the geek and never picked on them. Are you crying yet? People then noticed my incredible sense of humor as I disrupted all my classes in High School and college. Plus I threw them for a loop when I started a fashion show wearing all of the days hottest clothing fashions. They were used to jeans, flannel, and concert shirts. I came out flashing the devil sign ass Iron Maiden and AC/DC blasted in the background.

I understand you manage a comic book store. How is that job?
Excellent! What do you think?! I work alone in a comic book store all day. Actually, it does get boring. There is only so much I can do. Sometimes I get lonely. You're right. I'm lonely at work. You've read me like a book, Dr. Socio-D!

I hear you play a lot of metal at your comic shop. Do you get any complaints from customers about this?
Yes, a lot of people like it, but some don't. In fact, when I was on vacation several dick-noses complained about the music to my boss. That led to a ban of metal in my store. Remember, I work alone so that ban only lasted one day. Today I was reviewing Metal Blade Records' The Crown, Hecate Enthroned, and Grip Inc. If I get fired, fuck it!

Speaking of comic books, what are your favourites?
Right now there is only one comic book I truly look forward to reading each and every month. That book is "Preacher." It's the best comic book ever! How can one resist a book whose lead characters are a female assassin, a pussy-loving Irish vampire, and a preacher who has the entity of a creature born of a devil and angel fucking inside of him?! He has the power to make people do whatever he says. The issue that really stands out is the one in which he tells a sheriff to go fuck himself. How do you think the sheriff accomplished this? Read it and find out.

The Almighty Prismathon

You have some excellent artwork in your zine. Where did you unearth such great artists? Do they charge you an arm and a leg?
They are these two kids who are like 5 or something, but they are really into death metal bands such as R.E.M., Miami Sound Machine, and Chumbawumba. They begged me for work so I adopted them and put them to work. I pay them with two Asian cock-smacks a week. I think they are a little overpaid, but what the Hell, I'm a good guy.

What would you consider to be the top five heavy metal albums of all time? And don't whine about how hard it is to narrow it down to just five.
I know I'm going to fuck this up and miss something, but here goes. Iron Maiden "Killers," Judas Priest "Screaming For Vengeance," Slayer "South Of Heaven" (oh my God, I didn't say "Reign In Blood"), Ted Nugent "Scream Dream," and AC/DC "High Voltage." Fuck it! I'm not whining, there's just way too many. I can't limit it to five. Here's a few more, sorry. Grim Reaper "See You In Hell," Ozzy Osbourne "Blizzard Of Oz," Obituary "Slowly We Rot," Halow's Eve "Monument," Forbidden "Forbidden Evil," and King Diamond "Them." I know, I blew it. I could go on forever. Why do you think my zine is entitled "Metal Rules!"?

What do you consider to be the true essence of heavy metal?
Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. Nothing says metal like a good battleaxe. And don't forget about the chaps!

Issue 1

I notice you cover many different forms of heavy metal, and even some glam. Do you get much criticism as a result of this? My zine gets plenty because we dare to cover both hardcore and death metal in the same publication.
I get some flack, mainly from Phil of "Brutalized" zine. I love all metal. I guess I'm more open-minded than most people are. Many people have written to tell me that they secretly own glam records and are proud of me for admitting I like it in print. No shit! I've even received letters like these from death metal zine editors worldwide. I think it's cool that you cover both hardcore and death metal. Few people consider hardcore metal. That's really stupid. If it has heavy guitar riffs and crazed vocals, it's metal. Pure and simple.

Your zine's official website is pretty small and nondescript. Do you plan on expanding it any time soon, such as adding links, reviews, and interviews?
How the Hell am I supposed to sell copies of my zine if people just read it on the Internet?! Actually, we will be adding links and such soon because it is such a cool thing to do. It's going to he getting bigger, so don't worry. It's in all the search engines, so people should be able to find it. I've gotten quite a few hits on it and have received quite a few orders and review items on it. It averages about 50 hits daily.

There is a cool ezine that is entitled "Metal Rules," (www.metal-rules.com) too. Have you had any problems with them?
I heard about this site recently and it's a great free way to find out about mainstream metal. It covers very little underground metal, if any at all. I put a disclaimer in a past issue stating that our two zines are not associated in any way. I've added the sub-title "Where the playground meets the underground" to my zine to differentiate my zine from the ezine. I don't want to cause any confusion. They have a webzine and I have a printed zine. I can coexist with him. Hopefully they feel the same way.

What is your major mental malfunction?
To bring metal to the masses and knit a really cool sweater.

Issue 2

What are some of your favourite underground zines?
My faves are Snake Pit, Silence Diary, I Hate You Motherfucker, Brutalized, Satan's Candy Basket, Canadian Assault, and Sociopathic Despair. I like most zines. Some just look like shit I really wish I knew every language, because I receive tons of foreign zines in different languages I wish I could read.

You have others edit your zine and control the layout and design. How much creative freedom do they have? Do you ever feel uncomfortable handing out your zine to others to control?
Those little cherubic five-year-olds do a tremendous job. What they do not do is change my thoughts in any way. They fix my run-on sentences, which are often 8 paragraphs worth of writing filled with commas. They also do the art and format the zine, as well as add their own personalities throughout each issue with their comments. I'd be lost without them. They are my backbone. I give them my vision and they return with something much better than I ever anticipated. They have plenty of creative freedom and they deserve it. The only thing that bothers me is their incredible procrastination. Yet they always pull it off. I fired my first editor because I would get pages back from him that had changed what I wrote. He'd say that things weren't funny. Well, the guy edits a limousine magazine for a living and doesn't know shit about heavy metal! He was a pain in the ass to work with and made the zine more work than fun. Fuck him! He got the boot. I hired Jeremy and Josh, but even though they aren't professional editors they do ten times the job Neil did. Jeremy is becoming an old school master as I've been training him.

Who prints your zine? How many copies do you print?
I used to print at Kinko's for my first three issues. But it was too fucking expensive. I lost a shitload of money on the ones I mailed out. I now print at AFL, which is practically in my back yard. If they mess up, I'll be in their yard until they fix it. The first three issues were printed in lots of 200 at a time. More than 1000 copies were sold of those issues 200 copies were mailed out free to record labels and to other zines for review. The fourth issue had 5400 copies printed and I intend to have it distributed everywhere. Are you reading this, distributors? You need my mag in your distro and I need you!

Issue 4

How do you go about distributing your zine? List some distributors.

I sell shitloads at my comic book store and other shops in the area. I'm now distributed in Hungary, the Czech Republic, South America, Columbia, and Singapore, as well as a number of U.S. distributors. Metal Rules! will soon be distributed at Tower Records stores nationwide. I've just started getting them distributed, so it will take time. But it will be everywhere soon. I sell tons via mailorder as well.

How has then general response been to your zine so far?
Excellent. Even people who don't like certain things about it still enjoy it for laughs. I've only received one bad review that I'm aware of "Metal Hammer" in the U.K. said my zine puts the metal movement back at least ten years! I take that as a compliment because that would bring us back to the 1980s, the best decade ever for heavy metal! I got great reviews everywhere else. "Metal Maniacs" called it a must-read and said they hope my zine is around for decades! That was really cool.

Do you hope to make Metal Rules! into a glossy mainstream magazine like "Metal Maniacs" or "Metal Edge" some day?
Yes, I do. But it will always be oriented to the underground and I still will review shitloads of demos and small record label releases, as I do now. But more people will be able to read it!

What are some cool new albums you've been listening to lately?
Amon Amarth's new one, Obituary "Dead," and new stuff by Wizard, Holy Mother, Grief Of Emerald, Necrophagia, and Hammerfall have been spending a lot of time in my stereo lately. Once again, this was a tough question to answer. I listen to 12 hours of metal a day. Usually I don't get to enjoy anything for too long, because I don't want to fall behind in my reviews. I have been listening to a lot of old metal in my car, as well. I've been thrashing like a madman to Death Angel and Destruction for the past two weeks!

Why do you always print so many pictures of yourself in your zine?
Because I rule! Plus, I'm nicer to look at than a bunch of badly photocopied record reviews. Actually, I do this because I want my readers to feel like I'm there with them having a beer and a conversation as they read. Dees it work? You tell me, Mike.

How does it feel to be interviewed in "Sociopathic Despair," the most despised zine in the underground?
This rules! Mike, we are polar opposites but I really enjoy emailing you. Hopefully we'll meet at a show sometime. Your zine is cool because you speak the truth of what you believe in, even though some of them make no sense to me.

That's it from me. I'm too bored to continue. Add anything you want, except the kitchen sink.
You are bored? Think about the poor readers! Hahaha! If anyone is still awake check out Metal Rules! You will love it. It's very different from anything you've ever read before. Trust me. All distributors get in touch with me. I trade with all zines. There's no need to write first. Send your flyers. I don't trash them, I mail them. All bands and record labels send stuff to me for review. Everything will be reviewed. Everyone else, just order an issue. The cost is $4 per issue in the U.S. and $6 for the rest of the world, postpaid. Contact me at the address below or email me. Now put this zine down for a second and write me. I spent five fucking hours doing this interview! Contact:

Metal Rules! Magazine
c/o Jeff Rappaport
2116 Sandra Road
Voorhees, NJ 08043
Email: metaljef@cyberenet.net