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Love isn't confusing; people are.

"I can't do it."

Why the hell not???

If you want something, make it yours. This is all just life, the pursuit of happiness, and here are all these insane teenage maniacs armed with a hormonal arsenal, maybe getting that little bit closer to that ephemeral happiness... and what do they do?

Nothing. Anything more would be presumtuous.

People were starting to tell me I needed to write a happy story, and even when I'm incredibly contented, as I am at this moment, I find that really hard to do, simply because I don't see all that much that I should be happy about.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't be happy... Just that I'm not really up to it right now. I don't live in a world different from that of anybody else, I just look at it differently, a little more critically. Like a movie. Some people go see a movie and as long as they don't fall asleep or choke on their tongues, they'll say it's a good movie. I look for a little bit more in life than just entertainment. I only like movies that do something to me, not just leave me with sticky shoes from the movie theatre floors. I want to feel different, to be enlightened, maybe just to a fictional characters fictional life and their made up true happiness and unhappiness, but I want to feel something.

That's what I want out of life. I don't just want to get through it alive, although it probably seems that way. I want to be different, somehow, then when I started out. If it takes me a little longer to find happiness, then that's my choice. But what I do know is that if I want something, and I can get it, and I know I can get it, believe me, I'll do my damndest to get it, whatever it may be. I might not come out any different, in the end, but I think I'm hoping that just the experience of trying will have changed me after it all.

I could let myself be happy, I think I could at least, but do I really want to take the easy out? I sorta like it better this way, there's something to achieve. When it doesn't seem worth achieving then maybe I'll fake the happiness and go along with it, either that or wallow in dispair...

Okay, there you have it, that's my philosophy on life, sorta. My life, at least. Like I said, things like love, anger, other emotions, they're simple. People, that's the one thing I'll never understand.

Is that a bit more up-beat Nathan?
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