(if you don't know the Grimoire don't take this too seriously)

Interview done by Bill Zebub

Didst thou have sex with Kim from
Ancient? Wilt thou back down
from John McEntee fom Incantation if he
challenges thee to a duel?

Hellhammer: First of all, I back down from no one. And
anyway, that other shit is, like, stupid
rumors that follow me. You know?

Whatever happened to popeye, the vocal-
ist from Die Mysteriis Dom Santhanas?

Oh well... he ate too much spinach. He
got married to Olive Oil, and we never saw
him again.

Dost thou think that thou art
wasting thy talent by drumming
for a black metal band?
Wouldn't a death metal or
grind band be more appropriate
for thy skill?

I could play in any type of
band, even pop if I chose. And
so if I thought I was wasting my
talent, I wouldn't do what I do.

Thy new singer, the one who
sounds like a cat that is choking
on a hairball... tries to use
clean vocals at times. Or is that
a different fag? In any case, he
sounds more gay than someone
who was thrown out of a fag
bar. Didst thou allow this, or
wert thou out-voted by the
other homosexuals in the
band?

Firstly, how come you know so
much about facts? Maniac, the
voice you talk about, is actually
the original vocalist from 12
years ago. Have you been to the
homo bar you speak about? I
don't understand what the fuck
you are talking about... out-
voted, you stupid ass!

Are there any traces of
Euronymous' songwriting in thy new
material, or is the riffing created by
someone who adored the fat fuck?

No. All the material is new and it is solely
ours, shit-head.

I am curious why thou callth thyself
Hellhammer. Is it because you wanted to
believe that when people were praising
the Hellhammer created by Tom Gaybird
Warrior, that they were really praising
thee?

No. Of course not. But I think
Hellhammer ia a way better name than Bill
Zebub. What a rediculous question! Even
fags like yourself should know better!

Art thou exploiting the notoriety of the
stabbing, or art thou trying to make the
world forget it? I am wondering if there
is any pressure on thee to be a continuation
of what was started.

To play Mayhem is no pressure. We just
carry on, follow our path. And so yes, I am
exploiting the stabbing... actually in the most
cruel way. And if you don't fuck off soon,
you can be the next.

Is it true that when thou wert stuggling
for money that thou made ice-pops by
putting thy drumsticks in cups of apple
juice and then freezing them, selling them
to kids, telling them that they were the jellied
brains of Euronymous?

I've heard many times that you have a
short dick.

Is it true that some of thy songs were
inspired by candy? I heard that, over
there, it is common to buy bags of various
candy.

How stupid can you be? Of course you are
totally misinformed about this, the faggot
that you are. But you know, I think that
when it comes to drugs that you could have
had an answer. You know, I hear in the gay
world they probablycall drugs chocolate,
and that is why maybe I think you are so easily
confused.

I heard that Grishnack played bass on thy
album, despite the protests of
Euronymous' fat parents. As a matter of
fact, I heard that it was an inside joke that
thou wert credited with the bass lines
because, in friendlier times,
Vikernes sucked so bad that
Euronymous used to say,
Gay Hellhammer can better bass than
thee.

I have heard many times that you have a
short dick.

Didst thou ever give shelter to an annoying
American?

Never hmmm.... are you talking about
Kim? By the way, she was the one who
often talked about your dick size, and we all
would have a great laugh at your expense.

I am hoping that thou wilt give me a
guideline of which black metal bands not
to listen too...

You better find out for yourself, actually.
because I know what you are up to here.

What wouldst thou say if I told
thee that Judas Iscariot
declared himself a more proficient
drummer than thou art?

I couldn't give a shit about it.
If someone is bragging about
themselves, so be it. That is not
something I will do.

Wouldst thou say that drummers
are the rarest musicians
in underground music? There
are tons of guitarists. But
bands everywhere complain that
they cannot find drummers.
Or is it that, not everyone
can have stamina to
play in such a style?

At a certain extent it is true. I
think that the heart of the complaint
is finding good drummers. You
know, in the underground, drummers
like these Judas Iscariot
guys are actually a dime a dozen.

Dost thou notice improvements
in the ways that extreme
drumming is recorded, or dost
thou stupidly favor a poor
production?

I've been in the game for 16
years now, and a poor production
is for a poor musician. But
it is understood that also either it
is a lack of money and or lack of technical
ability to play. this is usual in the beginning.
It's accepted if you are an amatuer.

I would like to end this little chat with the
opportunity for thee to insult me and to
have the last word, as our history together
has been full of insults which might
have seemed as if I had the final say.
Unleash thy wanton revenge upon me.

Actually, I am not going to do that since
you will get off on it. You seem to be like a
sado-masochist. But I'm sure I'll see you at
the Milwaukee Metalfest bar, and we shall
discuss these matters further. Thank you,
and fuck off.