It was his second day out here. Lacey and Brian would probably start worrying about him again if he didn't tear himself away. But he just couldn't. It was the only place that he didn't have to hide everything from everyone. Because there was no one out here. Just him and the water.

This is my December
This my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

Carrie spread out the flannel blanket she had brought with her so that she could sit down. Sitting down, she stared out at the water. The gray waves shifted in random patterns that eased Carrie's temperament so well. Breathing deeply, she decided to allow her mind to wander to where it wanted to go. To the day she left.

This is my December
This is my snow covered hall
This is my December
This is me alone

Shivering slightly from the cold, Nick pulled off his gloves and felt the sun touch his skin, warming him. He had been staring out at the water for so long, that his mind was yearning for something to focus on. Since he was alone, he knew that it was alright for him to face what it wanted him to think about. It would be okay.

He had come home just as she was putting the last bag in the trunk of the car. She hadn't planned it so well after all, she had hoped that she would be gone before he got there. She took a deep breath, and tried to convince herself yet again that this was the only way.

This is my December
This is my pretending
This is all I need

As he pulled into the driveway, his greatest fear was coming true. Although he had been expecting this for a while, it was still a shock to see it. She was actually leaving. It's not like you've done anything to make her stay, his inner demon shouted at him. He stepped out of the car, and she looked away.

"Cairo? What's going on?" he had asked so carefully.

"My name is Carrie, Nick. Please call me Carrie," she replied. He nodded.

"Are you…are you going somewhere?" he asked.

He was moving closer to her. She had to get away from him before he got too close, too close to see what she was trying to hide from everyone. Six months of so much work, hope and tears had done nothing to make him any less of a stranger to her past - but not to her present. No matter what they had shared before her accident, there was still something that even the loss of her memory couldn't erase. And she needed to be her own person, she had to get away from the "Cairo" they all wanted her to be.

And I gave it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to

"I have to go, Nick. You know that, it's just…to hard to be here, surrounded by things that are supposed to mean something, to people who are supposed to mean something…but that aren't anything to me."

"Cai - Carrie, please don't go. I know things are hard, but I don't want to give up yet. Please, try just a little longer," he pleaded.

Gave it all away
To have someone to come home to

He had to reach her. She had to see that even though she didn't remember, she was still Cairo. She was just afraid to see it. He couldn't loose her, she had to stay. It didn't matter, nothing mattered as long as she was Cairo, and she was with him. Didn't she see it?

Gave it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to

"Nick, I can't stand to live here with you and with these people who are constantly asking me to be someone that I don't know if I'll ever be. I need to break out on my own and find out for myself who I really am."

"I can help you with that, I will. Please just don't go away. A little more time, please?" he asked.

"I can't do it. Please understand, I need to do this."

Gave it all away
To have someone to come home to

I'm dying here, watching your heart break everyday that I don't remember, she wanted to say. Why can't you see that? He had been so strong and supportive and everything she would ever want. But he wanted her to be someone else, she would never be enough.

"Please don't go away."

"Goodbye, Nick."

And she got into the car, and she drove away. If only I'd known what to say, if only I could have said that nothing mattered except that she was with me, if only I'd been strong enough to make her stay, he thought over and over again, the last painful seconds where he should have stopped her lingering in his brain.

I didn't wish that feel that
there was something that I missed
Take back all the things I said
to you to make you feel like that

Carrie wiped her eyes and sniffed softly. The memory was still strong in her mind, but with it she remembered every reason why she had needed to leave. Her purpose in life was not to remember the past life; the time she had spent as Cairo Williams. It was now to find out who Carrie Williams is, to live that life and just survive in it. She would have no regrets, not even that she'd never told Nick that she loved him.

This is my December
This is my pretending
This is all I need

This is all so clear

Nick stood up suddenly. The past few hours he'd spent wallowing in the mistakes he had made suddenly clued him into the fact that he had done nothing to correct it. He hadn't tried to find Carrie after she left, he hadn't made the effort to tell her one thing she needed to know. But it was time for him to fix that, so that he wouldn't have moments of regret like this. He would find Carrie, he would track her down, and he would tell her what he hadn't be strong enough to tell her that day. That he loved her.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

This is my December