Chapter 15: You'll Always Have Me
Nick didn't know how he did it, but he had somehow managed to convince Cairo to change into warm dry clothes, and he had tried as much as possible to dry her hair. Now she was underneath her covers, which he smothered her in.
"The note. Read the note he sent me," she whispered, really weak. Nick promised he would and she turned over and started to doze. Nick lightly rubbed her back until her breath had deepened, then sighed.
Cairo was pretty sick. She was burning up and she was so weak, it was really freaky. After she was sleeping soundlessly, he picked up the crumpled note she had meant, the one she had been holding when he found her outside. He smoothed it out as much as possible and started to read:
My dear Carrie,
I don't know what this means. I don't even know why I'm writing it. Hell, I don't even really know why I went to see you.
You see, when we first met, it was so great that you liked me. You were the mysterious, gorgeous girl that everyone wanted to get with and you liked me. Of everyone you could have chosen, you chose me. I have to admit, it was a huge ego boost, I liked it and the popularity that came with you.
And I came to depend on it. I couldn't have it without you, no matter how I truly felt. It was like a curse. Through everything, there was this little voice in the back of my mind telling me to hold on to you for as long as possible because without you, I'd be nothing.
And then school ended. It was like a whole new world out there for me. I could be the person I wanted be without you. No one in my University knew you or that you made me popular, by just being with you. They like me, not who I was going out with.
And yet, through it all, I stayed with you. I was terrified that if I let you go, then everything would leave me. So no matter how much I wanted my freedom, I stayed with you because I thought I had to. I had worked to hard to let everything go.
Your sister and I realized that we had that in common. The only difference is that she married Carlos. We hadn't gotten that far along in our relationship yet. But we both found comfort in one another. And for that, I'm sorry.
But then, you left me. That wasn't part of the plan. That was never supposed to happen. But when you left, I finally saw what I believe I had been missing all along. That I could be the person everyone liked without you. I could be popular and important without you. And I realized something that scared me. I never really loved you.
I tried to deny it, but the truth was staring me in the face the whole time you were gone. And I tried to lie to myself, to tell myself that I did love you, at least at some point, but I could never remember when.
So I guess that's why I came to see you. I wanted to end things, I wanted to stop leading you on, to stop using you like I had been for so long. And I saw you with him. And I forgot everything that I had realized. All there was in me was pain and a sense that he was stealing something, you, from me. And I couldn't let you get away with it and be happy. So I fled.
I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I want you to know that our relationship did mean something; if nothing else than it helped me find the confidence that I needed to stand on my own. But I'm afraid that there was never love there, unless it was on your side alone.
Goodbye. I hope one day you'll remember me and think of me well.
Brad
Nick was horrified reading this. Poor Cairo! First to be there when he died and now to find this letter. She must be going through hell.
He ran to her sister? How low could a guy go? That was the most cruel thing that anyone could do. He walked back over to her peaceful sleeping form and sat down on the bed.
She looked so thin and sallow. She was pale and there were huge circles under her eyes. You could tell that she was clearly depressed. There was beads of sweat clinging to her brow, caused by her fever.
Nick ran his hand through her hair and felt nothing but this huge need to protect her. She was so helpless right now; sick, sad. He missed the happy glow that always seemed to float around her, the reason he loved to be with her so much, because she was always smiling and laughing.
Then his determination settled over him. No matter what he had to do, he would not leave her side until she was the normal, smiling, happy Cairo that he loved dearly.
* * * *
"Nick?" she whispered softly, waking to see him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall beside her bed. His head was drooped over and he was apparently sleeping. But as heard her call him, he snapped awake and was immediately at her side.
"Kay, how are you feeling?" he asked tenderly. He felt her forehead, she was still very warm.
"Did you read the letter?" she said, her voice very hoarse.
"Yeah, I did baby. I'm sorry that he didn't realize all that he had. Can I get you anything?" he asked.
"He never loved me. He wrote that in the letter. He knew that he was going to die, he knew it and that's why he wrote it," she said, sitting up. Nick reached out and held her and she let herself be held, too upset to even cry. She had cried so much in the past few weeks.
"It'll be okay, I promise you that it will. Don't worry, no matter what happens, you'll always have me," Nick promised, his entire soul showing through his words. Cairo sighed and holding on to his hand, she lay back down and fell asleep.