*names have been changed to protect the guilty
Harry: This computer mouse thing! Why did it have to be called a mouse? Is there something really great about mice, or have they all brainwashed you humans?
Interviewer: So you are proposing that it be called a squirrel?
Harry: Yes. Squirrels are more worthy than those disgusting mice.
Interviewer: And why do you consider yourself more worthy?
Harry: Well there are many reasons. Squirrels are not associated with filth, disease, and Chinese food. When a human sees a mouse, they scream, but when they see a squirrel they do nothing. Squirrels are the most intelligent rodent. Have you ever seen a mouse crack the code of getting into your birdfeeder? Have you ever seen a mouse do anything except scurry around, eat cheese, and crap? No, I didn't think so.
Interviewer: What does any of that have to do with computers?
Harry: Nothing, except that squirrels are smarter than mice and therefore should be associated with today's brilliant technology.
Interviewer: So why are you suing Microsoft?
Harry: They have created a monopoly on the name "mouse" being synonomous with the hand-steered click and point device.
Interviewer: If you win your case against Microsoft, what will you change?
Harry: Mice everywhere will be thrown into the garbage, and they will be replaced with squirrels.
Interviewer: What advantages does a squirrel have compared to a mouse?
Harry: Our squirrels will be quicker, more efficient, and your friend. Our squirrel has been programmed to make squirrelly noises to cheer the monotonous office grind. Our squirrel will also have a bushy tail that can be used as a hand warmer.
Interviewer: Well that sounds really---squirrelly.
