April 18, 1998~*~rain's lyric~*~
"Conscience: the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking."--H. L. Mencken, 1916.
I feel a million feelings
a thousand scars burning into my flesh to be with me forever
I'm just hanging on, just waiting to get out of this fucking place
I need reassurance
I need something worthwhile
I'm here for all of you, so why can't you be here for me?
no one
fucking
cares
at all
so fuck you!
please never let me cry again
I don't want to be vulnerable
I don't want to be FUCKED over again and again....
just like before..
why is this all about me?
I'm a selfish bitch and I know it
but I keep giving and giving
so..I need something to hold on to, something that belongs to ME
something that can't be taken away, ever.
"I think I'm dumb, I think I'm dumb" -KC
I want to get a shirt that says "DUMB" right across it
in BIG, BOLD letters
no kidding
I'd wear it all the time
I'm psycho
you're psycho too
and you know it
but you hide it
you're too fake to attempt being real
"One great use of words is to hide our thoughts. "--Voltaire
have you heard the saying that goes "you only hate the things you see in yourself?"
it's something like that, but I'm half asleep and I don't really remember the damn quote.
i hate ignorance
but i am
i hate closed minds
mine's not completely open
i hate when people lie
i lie
so why do I participate in the things that I hate?
will it ever change
"We discover in others what others hide from us, and we recognize in others what we hide from ourselves." -- Vauvenargues.
I quit smoking.
I'm proud.
It was over a month ago.
I'm bloody proud as fuck.
but will it last?
do I have enough strength to quit.
forever.
I never have before.
I wouldn't say that I'm strong.
I'm a self-righteous bitch.
I'm a fallen star.
but...
Would you believe me if I said I was an angel?
"It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do."--Moliere.
I don't know how to get rid of all this pain.
and why should I complain
others are much worse off than I
everyone just has different ways to deal with their problems
writing is one of mine
I'm not good at expression
I can't talk to people
I need to feel some security
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."--Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I don't trust you.
I don't truly trust anyone.
I keep all your secrets
I make you break your promises to others
...to tell me their secrets
only because you know I won't tell.
and I don't, and never will.
"Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it."--George Orwell.
yes, I'm intelligent...
"Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them." -- La Rochefoucauld.
...but I make a hell of a lot of mistakes...
"We never repent having spoken too little, but very often having spoken too much." --- Philippe de Commynes.
...I occasionally say things I wish I hadn't.
probably quite frequently even.
I do things I wish I hadn't done.
every day.
I think back, and imagine how things could be different
but nothing's perfect
even if I had done things in other ways
I'd still have fucked things up.
everyone fucks up.
now I'm going to bed.
(
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