You might be a Redneck if...

your wife has a spit cup on the ironing board.

you wake up with red man in your hair.

you think a good time is a bug zapper and a six pack.

your wife has ever come out of the bathroom and said "ya'll come look at this 'fore i flush it.

your house has wheels and you car doesn't.

directions to your house say "turn off the paved road.

everyday someone comes to your house thinking you are having a yard sale.

the UFO hot line limits you to one call per day.

you have ever been on national TV 3 or more times describing what the tornado sounded like.

people ask to hunt in your front yard.

your wife weighs more than your pickup truck.

you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

the most common phrase heard in your house is "Some one go jiggle the handle".

you've been divorced and remarried 3 times and you still have the same in-laws.

you have a house that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't.

you sell the wheels off your house to buy a keg of beer.

remodeling your bathroom means digging a new hole in the backyard.

your new recliner has more features than your new car.

your wife's dress is strapless and her bra isn't.

you have more than one major appliance on your front porch.

you refer to the fifth grade as "My Senior Year!"

you've ever taken a beer to a job interview.

you smoked during your wedding.

your dog and your wallet are both on the same chain.

your high school annual is now a mug book for the police department.

your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the cop kiss her butt.

your truck has curtains, but your house doesn't.

your Christmas tree has beef jerky ornaments.

your senior prom had a day care center!

blowing a tire means a new flower pot for the front yard.

you need a power generator to run you KC lights on your truck.

you would rather walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.

someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

your two year old has more teeth than you do.

you get a passport to visit another state.

your school mascot is an armadillo.

your wedding song was "99 bottles of beer".

you've eaten road-kill.

your pickup truck is prettier than your wife.

you think your beer belly is "sexy".

you spend almost as much on lottery tickets as on cigarettes.

you've responded to how are you with fair to middlen.

your land houses more than two mobile homes.

you keep a can of Crisco in the bedroom.

you own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves.

your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

the primary color of your car is bondo.

you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

you stand under the mistletoe waiting for Granny or Cousin Sue Ellen to walk by.

you can't marry your sweetheart because there are laws against it.

the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

you own a home that is mobile and 10 cars that aren't!

you refer to wife and mother-in-law as dual airbags!

you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive!

your favorite TV shows were the Dukes of Hazard and Hee-Haw.

you've ever used a weed eater in the house.

your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

you've ever cooked Spam on the grill.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba .

you have to carry a bucket of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sisters honor!

you don't know the words to the national anthem but can sing all the words to the Beverly Hill-billies and Gilligans Island by heart.

your family tree has no forks in it.

your porch collapses, killing more than three dogs.

you go to a family reunion looking for a date.

you mow your front lawn and find a car in it.

you walk your kid to the elementary school because you're in the same grade.

your dress shoes have their size on the back of them.

if 5th grade was the four hardest years of your life.

you wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.

when you go on vacation, you have to decide between paper and plastic.

Your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"

You connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"

The bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"

Your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"

You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

Your baseball cap reads "RAM" instead of "CAT"

Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

Your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her.

You ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy".

Your screen saver is a bit map image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal.

You start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all".

You throw aol trial diskettes in the back of your pickup truck.