10. Got a little carried away after seeing "Face/Off"

9. Really wanted to win first prize on "America's Funniest Home Videos"

8. Like this doesn't happen every year in the Masters

7. Whenever Moe bites Curly's ear, it's hilarious!

6. Has to do this kind of thing to compensate for the fact that he talks like Melanie Griffith

5. I guess you've never heard of a little thing called "strategy"

4. Ears are tasty

3. "It was self-defense -- he wouldn't stop punching me"

2. "Disqualified" sounds better than "got his ass kicked all over the ring"

1. He ran out of gum

"A Bad Bite for Boxing" - The News & Observer of Raleigh

"Twice Bitten" - Times-Picayune of New Orleans

"Bite of the Century!" - Arizona Republic

"Bite Night" - Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader

"Tyson's Tasteless Tactics: Bite Night" - The Record of Hackensack, N.J.

"Reality Bites" - Times Union of Albany, N.Y.

"Did Tyson Bite Off More Than He Can Chew? Time Will Tell" - Salt Lake Tribune

"Tyson Subject of Biting Criticism" - The (Baltimore) Sun

"Biting Commentary" - The Boston Herald

"Tyson Bites the Dust, Holyfield" - Huntsville (Ala.) Times

"Holyfield May Take a Bite Out of Tyson" - The Indianapolis Star

"Earmarks of cowardice" - Houston Chronicle

"Earmark of an eerie night" - The Atlanta Journal and the Atlanta Constitution

"A two-bit bout: Holyfield wins" - Kansas City Star

"From Champ to Chomp" - The Herald-Sun of Durham, N.C.

"Holyfield Still Chomp-ion" - San Francisco Examiner

"Heavyweight Chomp" - The Philadelphia Inquirer

"Undisputed Chomp" - 97 USA Today

"World Chomp" - The Sun (London)

"Requiem for a Chompion" - Philadelphia Daily News

"Sucker Munch" - The Sun (London)

"Biting Back: Evander has public's ear" - Daily News, New York

"Toss Tyson Out on Ear" - Daily News, New York

"Ear Flap" - Newsday

"Ears Have It! Evander Wins" - Montgomery (Ala.) Advertiser

"Tyson's Behavior Hard to Swallow" - Providence Journal-Bulletin

"Dracula" - New York Post

"Champ Chewing Over Legal Options" - New York Post

"It's Tyson's Nature to (Ch)eat" - New York Post

"For Tyson, Tooth Hurts'' =97 New York Post

"Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible" - New York Post

"Lobe Blow for Boxing" - The Tennessean

"Iron Mike Goes Down Biting" - The Sunday Oklahoman

"Tyson Doesn't Gnaw What's Next" - The Daily Oklahoman

"Ear of Scorn" - Kansas City Star

"Pay Per Chew" - Philadelphia Daily News

"Holyfield Lends Ear as Tyson Self-Destructs" - Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

"Ear-Responsible" - Fort Worth Star-Telegram

With Mills Lane stopping the fight after Tyson's second bite, the

following question remains unanswered:

Just how many bites does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of

Evander Holyfield?

Tyson doesn't get it. He was supposed to get a taste of VICTORY in this

fight, not a taste of the victor.

Good news! Don King has just announced that Mike Tyson will be ready to

fight again, as soon as he gets the okay from his dentist.

Evander Holyfield proved that he was sincere in his Christian convictions

- If a man biteth thy right ear, turn the other cheek and offer him thy

other also. (Matt 5:39)

I understand that Mike Tyson used to be a world

ranked prize fighter. Now, he's just a two bit boxer.

Mike Tyson was disqualified because of a lobe blow.

" ... I just snapped." - Mike Tyson, Monday, June 30. Yes, Mike, we

know. We all saw you snap on TV. Like a turtle.

I heard that Holyfield was trying to sue Tyson for trying to bite off his

ears, but the judge wouldn't give him a hearing.

That's what Evander Holyfield deserves for taunting Mike Tyson: "Hey

Mike, you tough guy! C'mon, you want a piece of me?"

Q. What did Tyson say to Holyfield after the referee took two points

away from him?

A. "Come 'ear."

If Tyson gets banned for life, he could always become a barber.

Think about it: You could walk into his shop and say, "Hey, Mike! Could

you take a little off the ears?

Q: What did Holyfield say after the fight?

A: Ear today, gone tomorrow.

Lend me your ears!

The rematch will be shown on the Food Network.

HBO will be selling the rebroadcast.

They will call it "Pay per Chew" :)

By The Associated Press

He went home and put his favorite Sinatra album on, which included

hits such as, "It Was A Very Good Ear", and. "I Bit It My Way".

Holyfield was considering changing his name from Evander to Evangogh.

Referee Miles Lane asked Holyfield why he didn't break when told to.

He said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you!"

In RING MAGAZINE, this should go down as the BIGHT OF THE CENTURY!

Q: What's the difference between a Metallica concert and a

Tyson - Holyfield match?

A: After the Metallica concert, there's a ring in the ears, after

the bout, there are ears in the ring.

Would you eat Evander's ear?

Would you, Mikey? Tell me clear.

I would not like that ear to eat.

I do not think it would taste sweet.

Ears are flavored bitter, friend,

and they've been known careers to end.

Could you eat that fleshy thing?

Would you eat it in the ring?

Would you bite it on a dare

and store it in the Frigidaire?

I could not store it in the fridge.

It is mostly cartilage.

I will not bite Evander's flesh

whether frozen, fried or fresh.

You could be tempted, this I know

If things do not the right way go.

Your tiny brain will start to shout,

"This is a way to get me out!"

I will not eat it on a dare,

I will not eat it hanging there.

Even if the fight I lose

that's not a mouthful I would chewz.

Would you eat it in the ring?

Would you eat it for Don King?

Don King can ask, and ask, ask he

won't goad me 'cause that is nasty.

But what of head butts from Evander?

He'll knock your noodle, you know he can, sir.

He can butt me all he likes.

That does not mean his ear I bites.

Oh no! He butted Mikey's head!

He butted it just like I said!

Bite his ear! For vengeance sake!

Nibble on it like a snake.

I would not, could not bite his ear!

It would cost me my career.

Bite it, Mikey! Bite it off!

Or are you starting to get soft?

OK! OK! I'll bite that thing!

I will bite it in the ring.

Hey... Tastes just like chicken from Colonel Sanders!

I like this chunk of ear Evander's.

Now I would like a second bite.

A guy gets hungry in the fight.

You bit it! Geez! You bit his ear!

Our lust for blood ain't that severe.

You need control inside the ring.

Now there's two Mikeys who'll eat anything!

One bite is fine, but two's too much.

You make us want to toss up lunch.

We shelled out big for Pay-per-view

To watch a fight, not have to spew.

You'll be fined three million smackers.

And have to refund all your backers.

They paid to see you beat him bloody.

Not bite his ears. That's yuchy, buddy.

Why did you bite him? What's the scoop?

Why to gnawing did you stoop?

It was anger! I saw red!

When he butted on my head!

Things just happen in the ring.

When boxers snap, they do weird things.

We don't buy it. You're a pro! We

Must know all! The whole damn story!

OK, OK. You've earned the right.

You paid fifty bucks to watch the fight.

Why did I bite him? Here's the tale --

I got a taste for it in jail.

Wow. What a story. Now tell us, Mike,

What your future plans are like.

I think I'll sell off all the rights

To market various merchandise.

We'll sell action figures! What a trip!

Like "Iron Mike" with "Kung Chew" grip.

So you bit him on the ear.

That's all we'll hear about, I fear,

until some other news breaks clear

And pushes biting to the rear.

I guess we like it when we see

People biting on TV.

We only have ourselves to blame

for watching such a bloody game.

Would YOU decline his ear to bite

If you got paid 10 mil per fight?

Let me! I'd bite it in the ring!

I'd bite it off! I'd eat the thing!

I'd swallow it with Gatorade --

For one tenth of what Mike got paid.