* Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

* Yo momma so fat her nickname is "WOW"

* Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

* Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise

* Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

* Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

* Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for then new world.

* Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling

"Free Willy!!"

* Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

* Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says

"okay!"

* Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "Taxi!"

* Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

* Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.

* Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

* Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

* Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

* Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

* Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

* Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "One at a time,

please!"

* Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

* Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

* Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

* Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do

livestock.

* Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

* Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!

* Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!

* Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

* Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

* Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

* Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A.,

Chicago...

* Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

* Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

* Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the

her good side!

* Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!

* Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

* Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George

Washington's nose.

* Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

* Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

* Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

* Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

* Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

* Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

* Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

* Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

* Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

* Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

* Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Green peace threw her in!

* Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

* Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

* Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

* Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

* Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

* Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

* Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

* Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

* Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

* Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.

* Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

* Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

* Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

* Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.

* Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.

* Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

* Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

* Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

* Yo momma so fat she sets off car alarms when she runs.

* Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

* Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

* Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

* Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

* Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Spittles pop out.

* Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

* Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her

through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

* Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

* Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the

green arrow!

* Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

* Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

* Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.

* Yo momma so fat she accidentally got a 747 caught in her teeth.

* Yo momma so fat to her "light food" means under 4 Tons.

* Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back

with sandals!!!

* Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!!!

* Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

* Yo momma so fat she won "Miss Bessie the Cow 94"

* Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.

* Yo momma so fat she has more rolls than a Mary Jane truck.

* Yo momma so fat she has her own zip code.

* Yo momma so fat she wears two watches because she's in two time zones!

* Yo momma so fat she thought gravy was a beverage.

* Yo momma so fat We went to Mt. Rushmore and didn't know who's face to sit on.

* Yo momma so fat Thanksgiving day she ate dinner for 6 hours, then said "I am going to walk this meal off" and I said "Call me when you get to Brazil"

* Yo momma so fat she has to wear a hat with a blinking red light to

scare off the airplanes.

* Yo momma so fat she reminds me of a toilet bowl! short, round, full of water and full of crap!!

* Yo momma so fat that she may collapse under her own gravity and form a new black hole. Not even light will escape!

* Yo momma so fat she was stopped by police dogs at the airport for having 300 lbs of crack under her dress.

* Yo momma so fat when she went swimming in the lake they arrested her for causing a wake.

* Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

* Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

* Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a bowl.

* Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

* Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

* Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

* Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

* Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

* Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

* Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

* Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

* Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

* Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see the Juice.

* Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

* Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

* Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write

below the dotted line she put "O.K."

* Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

* Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

* Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

* Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

* Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

* Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

* Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

* Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

* Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

* Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* Yo momma so stupid she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

* Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

* Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

* Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

* Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

* Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

* Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

* Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

* Yo momma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book.

* Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

* Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus.

* Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

* Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper.

* Yo momma so stupid She went to Disney World and saw a sign that said

"Disney World Left <----" so she went home.

* Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "guess" so she said Levis.

* Yo momma so stupid she went to Alpha Beta and asked to buy a vowel.

* Yo momma so stupid she called the cocaine hot line to order some.

* Yo momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide and jumped off the curb.

* Yo momma so stupid, when I asked her who the father of her baby was,

she said, "I don't know, but he was conceived in the backseat of a car

with an automatic transmission, so I guess he's a shiftless bastard."

* Yo momma so stupid, when I told her she was in denial, she said,

"That's not true, I've never even been to Egypt."

* Yo momma so stupid, she put the air conditioner in the window backwards and said, "I'm gonna go chill outside."

* Yo momma so stupid, when she saw me in my jumpsuit, she said, "No,

don't do it! You have plenty of reasons to continue living!"

* Yo momma so stupid, she thought the X-Files was information on

Malcolm's assassination.

* Yo momma so stupid, she thought the "Founding Fathers" were the garbage men who spotted her in the dumpster as a kid.

* Your momma so stupid, she put a "kick me" sign on her own back.

* Your momma so stupid, she thought a scholarship was a type of boat.

* Your momma so stupid, she thought a spelling bee was a talking insect.

* Your momma so stupid, she reads "Playgirl" for the "extremely in depth articles."

* Your momma so stupid she went to Subway to catch the train to Jersey.

* Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, professionals."

* Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

* Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

* Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

* Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.

* Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

* Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.

* Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

* Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

* Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

* Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Gee, is it Halloween already?"

* Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

* Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

* Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

* Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

* Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

* Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

* Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

* Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

* Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

* Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

* Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life!

* Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

* Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

* Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

* Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

* Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

* Yo momma so ugly your dad's breath smells like crap because he would rather kiss her butt.

* Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

* Yo momma so ugly the tide wouldn't even take her out.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born the windows of her incubator were tinted.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born, GOD admitted that even HE could make a mistake!

* Yo momma so ugly she could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck.

* Yo momma so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

* Yo momma so ugly it looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with an ice pick!

* Yo momma so ugly that when she goes to a haunted house she comes out with a job application.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born, the doctor took her and told her

mother: "Ma'am, if this doesn't start to cry in 10 seconds, it was a tumor"

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born, the doctor threw her against the ceiling and told her mother: "if it doesn't come back, it's a bat"

* Yo momma so ugly when you look up Ugly in the dictionary it has her picture.

* Yo momma so ugly her mother used to put rubber bands on her ears, so

people would think the girl was wearing a mask.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was a baby her mother used to feed her with a slingshot.

* Yo momma so ugly she wasn't beaten with an ugly stick...the whole forest fell on her.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.

* Yo momma so ugly she had a face that would sink a thousand ships.

* Yo momma so ugly that when she fell out of the ugly tree she hit every

branch on the way down.

* Yo momma so ugly when she went to jump in the lake, the lake jumped

back!!

* Yo momma so ugly "you could throw her in the cement pond and skim ugly for two weeks..."

* Yo momma so ugly that when she came into the room, the mice jumped up on the chairs.

* Yo momma so ugly they only wanted her feet for the freak show.

* Yo momma so ugly she looks like she's been bobbing for french fries!

* Yo momma so ugly it looks like she sleeps on a bed of nails, FACE DOWN!

* Yo momma so ugly you could tell the face, only because it had ears.

* Yo momma so ugly she's the cover girl for iodine.

* Yo momma so ugly that when I took her to the zoo the man at the door

said "Thanks for bringing her back"

* Yo momma so ugly she had to sneak up on a glass of water.

* Yo momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a hurricane to catch a breeze.

* Yo momma so ugly she must have been shot with the ugly gun at point blank range!

* Yo momma so ugly when she was a baby, her parents had a little yellow sign in their car window that read: THING ON BOARD.

* Yo momma so ugly when she was born the Doctor looked at her butt and her face and said: "My God, Siamese twins!"

* Yo momma so ugly her complexion makes the moon's surface look smooth as a cue ball!

* Yo momma so ugly she just got a job at the airport, sniffing for drugs

* Yo momma so ugly I've seen cowpies I'd rather go out with.

* Yo momma so ugly the police put her on the street corner to discourage prostitution.

* Yo momma so ugly she makes Coolio look good.

* Yo momma so ugly Grace Jones could even rip on her and make her cry.

* Yo momma so bald, I can read her mind.

* Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

* Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!

* Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!

* Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch.

* Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

* Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

* Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!

* Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

* Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

* Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

* Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

* Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

* Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

* Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

* Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

* Yo momma so old she's blind from the big bang

* Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!

* Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

* Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

* Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

* Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

* Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

* Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

* Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

* Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

* Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

* Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

* Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

* Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bath water.

* Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers license!

* Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

* Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.

* Yo momma so short she models for trophies.

* Yo momma so short she is the original Q-tip.

* Yo momma so tall she can see over Don King's hairdo.

* Yo momma so tall when she was playing basketball she broke the backboard with her lips.

* Yo momma so tall she went on an African safari and the giraffes said, "Hey, get your own leaves!"

* Yo momma so tall she could kick King Kong's ass.

* Yo momma so tall she tripped over the Statue of Liberty.

* Yo momma so tall she kissed George Washington's lips on Mt. Rushmore.

* Yo momma so tall she drinks from rain clouds.

* Your momma so tall her head caused a lunar eclipse.