* i Want You *

"Forget it all" i said to him "Forget me too i'm already torn and bleeding what more do you want?"

i want you

"But you can't have me" i shook this time, the look in his eyes scared me.

i WANT you

"You shouldn't though, i'm not worth it, this pain isn't worth it. Find someone else."

i want you . . .

"Listen to me, PLEASE? It always ends in pain, i can't take the hurt and then the building back up over and over again. It kills me. Let's just call it quits now?"

"i want you....do you know what that's like?" His voice was so quiet, the way he didn't even appear to be breathing, "To want someone so badly to bleed with it, to wake up soaked in sweat from dreams of them...?"

"Please, i don't want to hurt you....and it isn't a matter of want. It's a matter of what is for the best. I believe it would be best for us to. . . stop now. Before it's too late."

His voice rose in a yell. "It's already too late..." He tapped his head hard with his fingers "i have your voice shut up in here...it SCREAMS at me - always and i can't shut you up - and can't make you talk enough.."

I could hear my own gasp. He was utterly mad, his eyes were wild fire in his tense face, burning out from him- burning me."Oh god, listen PLEASE listen?! i care about you more ...then you ever believed i did then you turned on me without reason you just - started hating me. And now, you say, the hate is over, you...want me now? I CAN'T TAKE THIS ROLLERCOASTER!"  i hadn't realized how hurt I actually was, until i practically screamed that last part.

He took a step back, his hands shaking and reaching out for my shoulders, "Sweetie, i don't hate you, i never did, it was just a foul mood, nothing more, nothing less."

"Don't TOUCH me!" my hair fell over my face so i couldn't see him as i backed rapidly into the wall behind me - throwing his hands from my shoulders angrily."I don?t even want you to talk to me...EVER...go away! Find someone else"

"I want YOU!" he slammed me into the wall, pinning me there, punishing me with his mouth- his hands so hard on my shoulders. It was desperate, this kiss, a begging wish to me. Pulling back just a fraction he whispered, "you are mine now, never forget that- you will always be mine." Then his mouth was swallowing mine again.

Shoving at him, i pushed hard - struggled against him, whimpered into his mouth as i could taste blood in mine..."no, not this, not between us, don't god. . . no"

And like that, he softened, his hands no longer rough just cradling, sliding delicately over me, his glass flower, his voice floating over me as his mouth brushed up my jaw, "Sweetie, you're my drug, i need you, don't  you realize that now? Without you i am nothing, god, cant you feel how i want you?"

None of that mattered to me though, just the pain, each stabbing breath i took that brought his scent into me, each sweet torturous kiss, each slicing touch of my skin on his. "I can't live with this pain, i can't live knowing that at any second you'd turn on me. It's over."

His mouth had tried to silence me, his repetitious light kisses, begging me, the tears wet on his cheeks and smearing to mine.  His hands sliding up, hot on my cold cheeks, then massaging my neck.  Strong fingers - slipping around it gently caressing then tightening slowly...quickly -  i don't  know...they were around my neck and i couldn't breathe.  i couldn't even scream but i thrashed against his iron body, my nails raking over his cheek before he twisted out of my reach. "Mine" he muttered to me, over and over and over again. "Mine!"

I started to slip away, black spots invading my vision, my chest exploding within my body -hot tears involuntarily pouring over my cheeks.  That's when you entered and stopped him . . .when he saw you and threw me away from him, to the ground . . . his, yet, discarded...used up, empty and worthless. You pulled him back and wiped at his brow, didn't even pay attention to me. i was trash. . . i AM trash.

"Sorry, oh dear god are you okay, Sweetie? I'm sorry. i didn't mean to i. . . didn't intend to . . . are you...?" he knelt over me brushing my hair out of my face.  He picked my up, as if i was something fragile, not something already broken.

Laying there, motionless in his arms....I'd stay his, you obviously thought i had instigated it all...Some hero you are...Still his. Always his. It didnit matter what i needed, what i wanted...i was his. so i whispered... i want you....