Johanna and I stepped on the bus at 10 to 9. The out of place feeling was setting in once again. Everyone was buzzing around and getting everything prepared for the show that wouldn't start for another 10 hours. Diana passed us in the middle of doing something and told us to sit somewhere and to try and stay out of the way if we could. She didn't say it rudely, it was just one of those 'yes ma'am' things. I couldn't wait to see Taylor. I had been excited all morning to get a smile from him and that little secretive glance as if to say 'what we did last night was between you and I, but it was amazing'. So it surprised me when he followed Zac onto the bus, threw his bag in his bunk, and left again with out even looking in my direction. 'It's okay, maybe he didn't see you' I said to my-self, trying to cover the wave of sadness that came from being ignored by him. Zac came and plopped down next to us. He looked extremely tired, and hardly said two words before he shut his eyes and leaned on the armrest. The bus started and Ike jumped on. He headed towards us and sat next to me.
"Good-morning!" he said cheerily.
"Hey Ike, did you have a good sleep" I replied, I wasn't really paying much attention to him, my eyes were glued to the door of the bus.
"Yeah, did you?"
"It was okay, not enough though" I said. He grinned.
"Well unfortunately we won’t get to sleep in much tomorrow either." He said. Zac opened his eyes.
"We say bye bye Moreal, and ourivoir Christa and Jo tomorrow" He shut his eyes again and Johanna patted him on the butt. Seeing that as an invite Zac stretched his legs over her. Diana stepped on the bus again and looked at our little gathering for a moment. It was like she was surprised they were even talking to us. Johanna looked at me when Diana turned away from us. I knew exactly what she was thinking. She didn't know what I was thinking though, where the hell was Taylor. The suspense was killing me.
"I got you tickets, they're like 3rd row center or something" Ike said.
I looked at him stunned. As if spending a week with them wasn't enough, now we got to go to another Hanson concert... and go backstage again. "How did you manage that?"
"Well see, I'm sort of in the band, I pulled a few strings. I actually wasn't expecting good ones for you, but here you go..." He passed each of us a ticket and we thanked him immensely. Walker climbed onto the bus, followed by Carl, and then, finally Taylor. The three of them took a seat at the front of the bus and the door closed and soon we pulled away from the hotel. Taylor was sitting two feet away from where we had screwed around the previous night. Why wasn't he looking at me. That's all I wanted was a look. We stopped for breakfast at a small restaurant. Being such a large following we almost filled up the entire place. During the meal I looked around at all the tired faces of people who got to be with Hanson for months at a time. Taylor didn't sit at our table, but neither did Zac. It was just Johanna, me, Ike, and some other guy named Luke. I watched Taylor a lot to. He was laughing and carrying on with a bunch of people. He looked at me once but his eyes dropped, and he continued on with his conversation. My mind was going crazy. I didn't know what to think. Last night he seemed so happy with what we had done, he said he couldn't wait to see me today. Now he was acting like nothing had happened, or even worse, that he wanted to pretend nothing had happened. He was turning into one of those guys, and I had a strong feeling that there wasn't going to be a next time. When we got to the stadium the screaming was already a dull roar coming from the front. So this was what it felt like to be one of them. They had gotten to the point I guessed where it didn't even phase them. Johanna and I were bewildered by the noise, and it was as if they couldn't even here it. I walked in front of Taylor and I could feel his eyes on me. Ike caught up to Johanna and I and put an arm around each of us, dangling a back stage pass in each of our faces. We took them with a smile and hung them around our necks. I turned to see Taylor, once again he just looked away. But he looked back, only to give me a look of questioning, and then turned away again. I wanted so badly to turn around and stop him in his tracks and make him look at me and tell me what the hell he thought he was doing, but of course I couldn't do that.
Jessica came and sat next to us. She looked at us for a moment. I felt like I was babysitting. Johanna and I were put in a room with the kids and Diana while work was done. Mackenzie had a kiddy show going, Avery was coloring and showing every work of art to her mother who was playing with Zoë. Johanna and I basically stared into space. We couldn't exactly talk about much, so we just made fools of our selves as we normally do in such situations, making fun of each other and being retards. To leave would be weird, cause where would we go. So Jessica was staring at us. We looked at her waiting for something to happen.
"Why are you here?" She finally asked. We looked at her dumbfounded. How were we supposed to answer that. We didn't even know why we were there, and the only excuse to use couldn't be used while his mother was 10 feet away.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Why are you here" she said a little slower. Like that made it easier.
"It's a long story hun" Johanna said. Jess got a look on her face as if she instantly liked Johanna for calling her hun, most kids do get turned on by that.
"Oh, cause I've been wondering who you were for a long time"
"I'm Christa and this is Johanna" I grinned.
"I KNOW your names, I just don't know why you are friends with Isaac." Diana was observing our chat session with her oldest daughter.
"Jess sweetie, leave them alone" she said.
"Oh, no, it's okay" Johanna confessed.
Diana looked at us for a second before she said, "they should be done now, you can go to their dressing room. It's two doors over" She told us. Johanna and I almost jumped out of our seats, and then walked slowly to the door to cover up for the explosion of energy. Jessica watched us until we were out the door. Taylor and Zac sat on opposite sides of the room and watching TV.
"Where's Ike" I asked without thinking. Taylor shot me a confused look as if to say 'since when do you care where Ike is'.
"He's still on the stage, there was a problem with his mic and he felt the need to stay until it was fixed" Zac informed us. Johanna sat on the love seat with Zac, leaving me no-where to sit but beside Taylor. I walked over in his direction and he moved over, without looking at me, so I could sit next to him. 20 minutes passed and he still didn't look. Johanna and Zac were giggling on the other side of the room, playing around and flirting as usual. But Taylor pretended to be fully endorsed by the boring program on the television. I was getting bored and restless. All sorts of ideas for things to say were going through my mind, but I gave up on each of them before I got the nerve to spit them out. Even just saying this show is boring would be something, but I couldn't speak. During this whole progression, Taylor was no longer Taylor Hanson. He was a guy I was involved with who wasn't speaking to me. Finally in a desperate attempt I picked up a pad of paper and a pen from the table behind me and scribbled down 'is there a reason why you are ignoring me' and I passed it to him. He took it, read it, and picked the pen up off the couch where I had set it down. When he passed it back to me my heart raced as I read the words that were before me. 'You never told me you kissed Isaac'. Without meaning to that information was never passed on. I just sort of assumed that he knew. Suddenly it was all making more sense. I looked up at him and he had a waiting look in his eyes. I moved closer to him preparing to explain it all, and Isaac walked into the room.
"Hello all you people, just in case any of you care my mic is in working order now, the show will go on" He said triumphantly.
"Great Ike. I am so thrilled by the information I might just scream" Zac said in a melodramatic tone. As a huge shock to me Ike stuck his middle finger up at Zac, which followed by one from Zac. Johanna covered her ears,
"Guy's watch it, there are virgin ears in the room". Even Taylor got a laugh out of that. Isaac walked over to Taylor and I and reached down and pulled me up off the couch.
"Please follow me my dear, there are a few things I need to say to you" He said as he pulled me helplessly out the door. I looked back at Taylor and he had no expression on his face, he just looked at me with those blue eyes and soon I was out the door and Taylor was gone. Isaac led me down the hall a ways more and stopped in a doorway, pulling me in to face him. I couldn’t help it but I was almost pissed off by this. Ike was so extremely hyper that I don't even think he noticed how I was reacting.
"Now, after tomorrow what are we going to do?" He asked.
"I don't know Ike, it's not really up to me." I said.
"Well if you are leaving it up to me than I am telling you I really want to see you again."
"Why?" 'oh god Christa, you couldn't think of something better to say then why!'
"Because I like you, and if you haven't realized it yet I don't know what I am doing wrong."
"You aren't doing anything wrong, it's just I'm not really looking for a relationship right now." 'just tell him the fucking truth you idiot!'
"Oh... well, um, that doesn't stop us from seeing each other as friends does it? And then maybe one day... maybe" He grinned.
"I would love to see you again Ike. But as long as you know that I am broke and I can't afford plane tickets to Oklahoma."
"Well obviously. What kind of friendship would that be if I invited you to visit and then made you pay for the ticket" he shook his head playfully at me. I smiled at him and he got serious. He had this spriratic way of turning unbearably serious at the most least expected times. "I am going to miss you Christa, I don't care what you say, you can't stop me from missing you"
"Well I'm glad I had such an impact Isaac Hanson" I said.
"More than you'll ever know Christa Haley." He replied. This was so awkward, besides the fact that Taylor and I had... well you know, and facing Isaac after that, but I wanted to knock some sense into this boy. I could not possibly mean as much to him as he thought I did. But then I should be knocking some sense into my-self because I wanted to mean that much to Taylor.
Just when I felt like silence couldn’t be any more uncomfortable, and it was right there in his eyes, the look he gave me before he was going to kiss me, a storm of people rushed by us, yelling and excited. One of them grabbed Ike and pulled him into the group. I heard that person shout "the game is on, we're going to kick you ass!" Okay, so it was some sort of game. Suddenly I was being pulled into the group. I'm probably making it sound larger than it was, there was about 20 of them. Girls and guys, all older. Johanna smiled at me as we rushed down the hall and into the stadium
"What the hell is going on?" I shouted over the noise to her.
"I think they're playing soccer. People just like ran into the room and threw a soccer ball into Zac's lap and this one guy goes 'Come on chicken shit, it's not over until the fat lady sings' and then Tay and him got all excited and before I knew it we were heading this way, picking people up on the way!" She explained to me. We sat down in some seats that were above the large open section.
"Okay, we have 2 hours before the seats get set up, lets get ready to rumble!" a guy said. The group of them were separating into teams and a soccer game was formatted in less then a minute.
"Come on ladies" Pat yelled up to us. We shook our heads at him and he shrugged his shoulders. Johanna and I watched for about half an hour, and cheered when appropriate. But soon we were engrossed by our own conversation, and paying attention to the game was minimal.
"Christa, he's doing it again.... Zac" She said quietly. I looked at her quickly.
"What's he doing this time." I said.
"I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting, but we were like flirting or whatever when you and Ike left and Taylor said 'so you two like a 'couple' now?' and then Zac was like 'no!'. I don't know why but it really hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm expecting too much from him, he IS only 14."
"So what Johanna, he's like leading you on when he feels like it and that's not right."
"I think our problem is that both of us are taking this stuff too seriously"
"Well how the hell else are we supposed to take it, it's happening isn't it, it doesn’t matter who they are it's still happening" I retorted. I knew she was right though. We were expecting to be more then was likely to happen. She shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know. It's just weird cause now all of a sudden we are like part of their lives and stuff. Maybe it's scaring him or something. Or maybe I'm right and he's just not ready for the kind of commitment I'm expecting from him"
I nodded. "Commitment is probably a ways down the road, but Johanna, why would he be making out with you and saying he wanted to see you again if he didn't?"
"Once again, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't even know what he's doing. Maybe he's just fooling around with me cause he knows he can. But it's not like I can just go 'why are you doing this and what is gonna happen when we are done' right in the middle of making out!". I grinned. My Johanna, no matter how awful the situation she always had a way of making fun of it, hmmm, sounds like someone else, with the initials ZH.
"Zac was preaching to me like 3 days ago about how if I was going to make something happen I should do it while I had the chance, well that's all great and wonderful and everything, but what the hell is he doing? He's leading you on Johanna. Being all smooth and shit, and then acting like it doesn't matter..."
"He's only 14, keep reminding your-self that..."
"Hmmmm, I can remember for months having to remind you that he was only 13 or 14 or whatever" I grinned.
"No you didn't. You were always like 'Zac is one hot 13 year old, he doesn't look that age to me and blah blah." I swatted her playfully.
"I have something to tell you too," I said. She looked at me. "Taylor didn't know that Isaac kissed me on Tuesday, but now he knows all of a sudden. That's why he was ignoring me all morning. But I didn't get a chance to explain it to him before Isaac came and took me away and told me he was going to miss me and that I meant more to him then I'll ever know and this is so fucked up!"
"I know, well about the kiss thing."
"This would be my look telling you to proceed..." I said.
She smiled. "In the room after the whole 'NO!" thingy, Taylor asked Zac if he knew that you had kissed Ike and Zac said 'yeah, why does that surprise you' and Taylor just raised his eyebrows. And then I said, being the best friend one could ever ask for, ( I grinned), 'it was kind of the other way around, he kissed her, she wasn't expecting it.' Then he got this look that it all made sense or something, and then the crazy soccer people came." Our conversation stayed in the same pattern, talking about Zac's mind games, and Taylor being mad at me, and Ike telling me all of those things I really didn't need to hear, and before we knew it, it was time to leave so the chairs could be set up. When we walked down to where the game had taken place Isaac was standing and pointing to the ground, looking at us. We walked over to him to see what the hell he was doing.
"This is approximately where your seats will be girls." Then he turned and waved his arm over the stage. We looked up. It was going to be incredible, they were going to be so close to us. Suddenly our 10th row seats from the Albertane tour turned to crap.
I stepped out of the backstage public bathroom at the exact same time as Zac stepped out of the boys.
"Oh, hello there!" he said with a grin.
"Hey Zac, did you have a good pee?" He stared at me,
"Uh, it was brilliant" He guessed.
"Grand. Um, do you have a few minutes?"
"Yeah, I guess so, what's up? More trauma's from the love triangle?"
"No, I need to talk to you about you." I said as we headed down the hall. We wandered aimlessly as I confronted him. "So, you and my dear friend who I would never ever want to see get hurt are getting along fairly well I see?"
I think he knew where this was going. "Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Well, it has come across my attention that you seem to be playing some unintentional mind games with her and I was just wondering why." I said.
"Did she ask you to talk to me?"
"No, this is for my own knowledge."
"Well in that case, who says they are unintentional". I stopped abruptly, and he stopped a few feet ahead and turned around.
"What are you getting at Zac?" He shook his head at himself. I continued to look at him, waiting for an answer.
"Christa, I don't know what this is all about. Yeah sure, when I saw her I thought she was sort of cute, but that's usually it cause I rarely see them again. And then I find out what happens, and I'm like 'great!' I get to see her more. But then I find out she's like 18 and it became this big challenge with my-self to get her. And then I find out it's not so hard because she for some reason already likes me, which I thought was pretty scary in the first place. But... I don't know, it became, well I can hold her hand, maybe I can kiss her, and then after that maybe I can... and so on. But now it's just this big out of proportion thing... and.. I don't know."
"So, what? Is that it now. You've beat your-self at your own game so now you are going to stop? Need I remind you that this is a person with a lot of feelings you are dealing with here?" he didn't respond. I dropped my tone. "Listen Zac, I don't want to sound like a bitch here okay? I see you as a friend, and I hope you see me as one too, even if I never do see you again. I'm just letting you know in the nicest way possible that Johanna really likes you. I'm not expecting you to settle down and get engaged or anything, but at least give it a chance. She doesn't care how old you are Zac, or she wouldn't like you. But the way you've been acting how is she supposed to know that it doesn’t mean anything to you?" He was just staring at me while I talked. I think I was slowly getting to him. "This week has probably been one of the most emotional draining and confusing weeks for all of us. But I seriously think if we would all just put our hormones away for like 2 minutes, we would see what this really is."
"And what is that?"
"I don't know, I haven't put my hormones away yet" I grinned. He smiled thankfully.
"It's just scaring me, I mean look at all the obligations I'm going to be expected to do after this. What if I can't do it. And YOU need to realize that this is all new to me. I don't feel like this, I just don't. I never have and now that I do I'm afraid to make the wrong moves. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but I almost wish I had never met either of you" He blurted out.
"I'm not insulted, but put your-self in my place for a second and think about what you just said.... I wish I hadn't met you guy's either, this is too fucked up." He smiled.
"We should go back Christa" I agreed, even though it felt unfinished, he hadn't really answered any of my questions.
It was time for the sound check. The doors were going to open in approx. an hour, and the concert an hour after that. The opening band was a group from some place I had never heard of. I had seen them during the week, but just figured they were one of the crewmembers. All I had really heard of them, is that they had English accents. Johanna and I stood in front of the stage as the sound check opened. There was a chorus of 'check, check one' echoing through the huge stadium. I don't care how well we knew them, this was amazing. My heart was beating so fast and I was all nervous and stuff. They were stars again. They started playing random stuff. Zac was showing off. Actually they all were. Zac was being all hyper on the drums, and Ike and Taylor were both acting very professional. They were being all serious and stuff. I could feel the tension Taylor had with Ike from were I was standing, but Ike was completely oblivious to it. He had no reason to expect Taylor had a big jealous streak towards him.
"Hey guys, why don't you try out your seats" Ike said into the mic. Johanna and I willingly took our seats, we smiled at them. "Well..." Ike pondered.
"Very good." I shouted.
"Amazing" Johanna followed. They smiled, pleased to please. One of the tech guys came up to us.
"As long as you are here we might as well put you to work" He said. He told us to go through the back door and up into the second floor where there were more seats. We obliged. When we were up there they suddenly became specks very far away.
"Christa and Johanna, I see you" Zac said. His voice came from behind us, even though he was way below us.
"Wave your hands in the air" Ike ordered. We did. They played the opening of a song, followed by another one. When the music ended Johanna and I heard the screams from outside. It gave me goosebumps. This was absolutely amazing.
Johanna and I awaited patiently back stage as the doors opened and the excited fans took their seats. People were rushing around trying to get everything in order. I couldn't understand how they did this so much. It was horribly confusing. We didn't speak much. We just stood in-front of a curtain, waiting to be told when to go. We only saw familiar faces every so often. The opening act was playing. Show time would begin in less than 20 minutes. Finally we saw one of them. Zac came up to us wearing a completely different outfit.
"And the countdown begins" He grinned. He was looking at her so much. Maybe what I said had had some effect. "Taylor's looking for you Christa" He said. Before I had time to respond I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind me. I turned around and Taylor took my arm and lead me around the curtain, to a dark corner way behind the stage. He put his hands on my waist. I loved it when he did that. I could hardly see him, which was good cause it meant no one else could see us either.
"I know you didn't kiss Ike" He said quietly. It was amazing that I actually heard him over the noise.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just figured he already had" I replied.
"No, like always Isaac finds the perfect time to tell me things. He told me this morning. But the way he said it was like you were all over him or something."
"And you believed it?" I grinned.
"I didn't know what to believe, it just came as such a shock that I got all stupid and I jumped to conclusions."
"Well don't do it again okay? I like YOU Taylor, not Ike." He leaned down and kissed me. A long wet kiss. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tight. When we let go of each other he told me he should go. I followed him into the light again, and Johanna rushed up to me.
"Come on, we have to go. Diana is showing us where to give our tickets cause 'we can't very well just walk out from backstage'" She imitated. I walked by Taylor and squeezed his hand. I looked back at him and he smiled at me. It was all better. Now I could enjoy the concert. Diana lead us down a bunch of halls and opened a door where there was a bunch of fans standing around. Suddenly Diana pretended that she didn't know us and she walked on by them, inconspicuously pointed to the ticket people, and headed for the stadium. We showed the appropriate person our tickets, and went in. Acting like a fan was hard to do. We went into the bathroom and found a bunch of girls touching up there make-up for Hanson. One of them looked at me.
"Oh my god you have a backstage pass. I hate you" She grinned. I had completely forgotten that it was around my neck. I looked at it and then back up to her.
"Yeah, trust me it was hard to get" I said. She looked into the mirror again, and then smiled at her reflection.
"Well backstage pass or not, Taylor is definitely going to notice me this time" She said, admiring her reflection. She was pretty, but, well you know. Johanna and I shared a secret grin. If only they knew the stories we had. And the hardest part was not sharing.
We took our seats and waited impatiently. How were we supposed to act when that curtain opened? They did, and the concert began. It was a constant eye battle. Looking from Taylor to Isaac. They both sang at me. Isaac more than Taylor. Johanna and I clapped, and sang along. But the need to jump up and down like the usual idiots we were at Hanson concerts disappeared. I enjoyed the music and cheered them on, but it felt different. The concert came to an end and Johanna and I smiled at them proudly as they took their bows. The audience screamed for more, and their wish was granted. They came back out and did 3 more songs. The talking around us was mostly in French when the lights came on and the curtain closed. There were a few anglophone, or whatever we're called, but not many. Johanna and I walked back to where Diana had let us out. We showed our backstage passes and we were let through.
Johanna and I sat on the bus again, for what seemed like forever. It was not necessary for us to wait backstage while the meet and greets took place, according to Walker. We would have much rather been back there then on the stupid bus. Being snuck on the bus was the worst part. We had to hide behind a really big security guard, who I swear was trying to pick us up. Fans were all around. We could hear them crystal clear. I showed Johanna where Taylor and I had had our moment. I got down and ran my hands over the carpet looking up at her. She smiled at me.
"You're a nut" She said.
"A peanut" one of our stupid inside jokes that doesn’t really need to be explained. I'm sure you all want to get to the good part, well here it is. When we got back to the hotel, the entire entourage climbed the stairs back up to our floor. Everyone was tired and hyper at the same time. The five of us piled into Zac and Ike's room, for our nightly talk. It was already midnight and Walker had given us half an hour to talk. He came into the room when the door was still open.
"Good job tonight guys. You put some real feeling into it."
"Well we had some nice motivation this time" Ike said waving his arm at the two of us. Walker smiled warmly, possibly accepting the fact that his sons had become friends with the hostages.
"A bunch of the crew is going swimming, if you want to join them, you can" As if this was a special treat that was only allowed on certain occasions.
"Johanna, do you want to go?" Zac asked, seeing as the rest of us just stared blankly at the invitation. I nudged her in the side. She jumped up.
"Yeah, okay, I'll go" She said, surprising the hell out of me. So it was just Isaac, Taylor and me.
"Let’s rent a movie" Isaac suggested. Feeling already uncomfortable, we agreed. Isaac made the call and we all sat in his bed, waiting for it to start. We were leaning on the head board, with me awkwardly set in the middle.
"That was a good crowd tonight" Taylor said, breaking the silence.
"That was nice how you tried to speak French to them at the end" I said.
"Okay smarty pants, (smarty pants...) what did we say." Isaac challenged.
"You said, well you tried to say, 'thank-you for coming, see you next time.' Only it was more like 'thank-you coming, next time see you" I giggled. They looked at me dumbfounded. "Hey, French is my second language" I grinned. The both smiled at my stroke of brilliance, I was pleased seeing how I only got one of those once every few months.
"It's starting" Ike said turning the volume up.
"Lets get under the covers" Taylor suggested. We did. About ten minutes into the movie I felt Isaac’s hand on my leg. Which just sucked because Taylor was holding my hand under the blanket as well. I looked at Isaac quickly and he grinned and took his hand away, smiling sheepishly. I looked to Taylor who caught on and grinned at me. About 45 minutes into the movie Isaac started to dose off. He looked like he was so tired. I remembered the feeling I had had for him, and they came back for a moment when I saw him falling asleep slowly. He looked so cute.
"I wonder why dad hasn't come back to tell us to go yet?" Taylor said quietly.
"Ike's falling asleep." I said. Taylor looked over me and smiled. Then he started to kiss me. I was so nervous that Ike was going to wake up and see that I didn't put much into the kisses. Taylor started to become more into it, and soon his hand was sliding up my shirt. I was so scared. I just sat there and let him do it though. It was my own damn fault if Isaac caught us, I should have just told him when I had the chance. While Taylor was kissing me and feeling me up, he continuously checked to see if Isaac was still asleep. This was beyond awkward. The door unlatched for the outside and opened and Taylor whipped his hand from under my shirt and returned to his upward sitting position just as Isaac awoke and Zac and Johanna walked in with wet hair, carrying their bathing suits and towels.
"Dad says it's time for us to hit the sack" Zac informed us.
"Oh my God, I fell asleep." Isaac said, shocked at himself. Zac and Johanna instantly looked to Taylor and I, they knew what had happened without asking. I climbed over Ike, which just excited him way too much. The look on his face said it all. Taylor got out the other side, we said our goodnights and the three of us left the room.
"Good-night guy's" one of the crewmembers returning from the pool said to us before she walked into her room. We said goodnight. Johanna and I stopped at Taylor's door as he unlocked it.
"Don't go to sleep Christa" he said.
"It's like 2 o'clock" I replied in shock.
He shrugged with a grin, "well you can if you want to, but I don't want you to" He said.
"I'll keep her awake" Johanna told him. He smiled at her and walked into his room. Johanna looked at me in a playful disgusted way as we headed to our room.
"What!? It's late" I said in defense.
"Need I remind you that we are leaving tomorrow." She said. We entered our room and I freshened up. I was so tired, but I wanted to see what Taylor had planned this time.
"Did you have fun swimming?" I asked her when I was done in the washroom. She smiled.
"We didn't really swim. We did, but we sat in the hot tub most of the time and talked."
"What did you talk about?" I asked.
"It was so cute cause it looked like it was really hard for him to tell me."
"Well what did he tell you?" I was literally aching to find out.
"He said that..." the door knocked quietly and she stopped. "Oh well, I guess I will have to tell you when you get back" She said.
"Sorry" I said. She just smiled.
Taylor brought me back to the bus. We managed to get to the sofa before things started happening this time. And we actually talked for a bit first.
"That was, crazy" He exhaled. I agreed with a grin.
"So, what's going to happen after tomorrow?" I asked. He frowned, as if he knew that question was coming.
"I guess we'll just have to see" He replied, not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but enough to make me kiss him. I leaned over and straddled his lap, and began to kiss him heatedly. He was instantly turned on by my eagerness, I do believe. He put his hand up the back of my shirt and undid my bra. I went up on my knees and he lifted my shirt and started kissing all over my chest. We were acting like make-out prostars. It was wonderful. He was laying me down and beginning to get on top of me when someone stepped onto the bus. We sat up quickly, it didn’t matter who it was, we were in shit. Cause anyone coming on this bus was family. The last person we expected to see was Ike. The look on his face was almost enough to make me cry. He dropped the duffel bag he had been carrying and just stared at us as we straightened up, embarrassed. His eye's literally started to water when I reached back and did up my bra. Taylor and I looked around the room nervously, waiting for him to explode. The sad look vanished from Isaac's face and it suddenly turned into a very, VERY angry look. He walked towards us, and stopped in-front of us, before collapsing on the other couch across from us. He looked at us for a bit longer. The silence was too much.
"What the hell is going on?" He asked sternly.
"Ike... I'm sorry" I said. He shot a look at me.
"Don't you apologize Christa, I want Taylor to tell me what the hell he thinks he's doing." He said, raising his voice a little.
"Isaac, why are you up?" Taylor asked, probably a bad move.
"If you really want to know I am awake because I was sad that she is leaving tomorrow."
"I like her too Isaac. I'm sorry but I do."
"Why do you have this big obsession with stealing girls that I like. I liked Claire, you had to have her, I liked Theresa, and you had to have her... now Christa too. Taylor this has to stop. I'm very quickly starting to despise you." He said.
"For Gods sakes Ike, for the last time, Claire liked Zac. So just drop that, and Theresa was just a slut that we both wanted a piece of. I don't have some psychological problem where I steal girls from you. So would you just drop it already" Taylor burst out. Isaac gave him a cold stare, and Taylor stared right back. I couldn't say anything.
"How long has this.... thing been going on" Isaac said waving his hands at us.
"Well shit Ike, how long could it have possibly been going on, they've only been with us for six days."
"So it's been going on for six fucking days..."
"No.." I interrupted, "not the whole time."
"I don't really care how long it's been happening, my point is it shouldn’t have happened in the first place." He said.
"You're right, it shouldn't have" Taylor agreed, as much dismay to me. "But it did, so now what?" He asked.
"Think about it Tay, think real hard. I am your brother and you are hurting me, so what are you going to do" I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, because I knew Taylor would agree with him.
"I'll have to think about it." So now I was just a toy, just something they could toss around to make the other one happy. I would not stand for this.
"Doesn't anyone care what I think?" I blurted out. They looked at me. "I think we should have told you Ike, because I have liked Taylor from the beginning." I said. He got up. He started walking away and I realized what I had just said was probably the worst possible thing I could have used.
"Well, whatever. Just incase either of you care I feel very stupid right now. Everything I have done for you in the past week has been a joke Christa, I just wish you could have told me so I wouldn't have made an idiot of my-self. And I'm sorry for saying this, but I really hope I never see you again, because... well, I don't feel like being the joke anymore. Taylor, make your choice. Me or her." And he was gone. Leaving Taylor and I in a lot of tension. I touched his back and he stood up quickly.
"No, he's right. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I do like you a lot and I don't know if I will stop for a really long time, but I don't think I can see you after tomorrow." I was speechless. It was too much for me to take. I couldn't get in the way of this, but I couldn’t let go of him.
"Taylor I don't want this to end" I said standing up. I moved closer to him and he stopped me.
"Christa, there never was a 'this'" He said moving his hands around us. "There was only a 'this'" He pointed at his dick. "That's all it was."
"No, it wasn't Taylor, admit it, there was more than just that" I said, loosing control of keeping my tears inside.
He shook his head, "you even said it your-self, 'how can he like me when he doesn’t even know me..'" He said using my words against me. "Are you coming or are you going to stay here, I'm going to lock up now" He said.
"I don't really have a choice do I?" I grumbled. He looked at me, once again using my words against me.
"No, you don't." We went up to our floor without a word. Only this time it was a different silence. Not one because we were too nervous to speak, but one because we had no words left to say to each other. By the time I got to my door I was literally bawling, and it takes a lot for Christa Marie Haley to cry, as anyone who knows me will tell you. I burst into my room after fidgeting for too long with the key. The room was dark. I heard the sounds of Johanna waking up.
"Oh, you're back, did you... what's wrong?" She asked. I stumbled around in the dark looking for my cigarettes, sniffling and crying like an idiot.
"Everything" I wailed. "I'll tell you when I get back"
"Just tell me the short version first, please" I stood up and placed my head in my hands and sobbed for a bit. Soon she was there with her arm around me.
"Well..." I gasped for breath. "Oh fuck shut-up Christa" I tried to regain strength, with not much success. I took a deep breath and gave the long and short of it. "Isaac came in and he got all... grrr, and stuff" I fought for breath. Talking was hard for me when I was crying this hard. "And and, he saw us, and I ,I did up my bra and and he sat across from us and made him choose and he chose Ikkkke." I said.
"Oh shit" she said quietly, hugging me closer. I collapsed in her arms. "Shhhhh, go out and have your cigarette and I'll be here for you when you get back." I dried my face and walked out into the hall, only to hear faint guitar playing coming from the balcony. This day was just getting better and better. Fuck it, I didn't care. Why should I care. So what, it was Ike, I could face him. He was sitting in a dark corner. I lit my cigarette, 'so there' I thought to my-self. I walked over to him and sat down next to him on the ground. He wouldn't even look at me. I was used to that by now. He continued plucking away at his guitar, and soon he started singing. It was the song. A lot Of Things Can Happen. I felt embarrassed as he played to me pretending I wasn't there. But it was a very beautiful song, and it was about me. He stopped.
"That's as much as I have" He said quietly.
"It's amazing Ike" I replied.
"It's about you. I was going to write the ending when.... if we got together. But now it's just shit" He said.
"No, it's not. Finish it. Even if it's not the ending you wanted, what happened sort of goes along with the title." He looked at me.
"I guess your right" he said. He then pretended to notice the cigarette I was inhaling for the first time. "You don't look like someone who smokes" he said.
"Well I do."
"It's kind of a turn off" He grinned. I couldn't help but grin back at him.
"I would've thought you were completely turned off by now" I said. He looked down.
"Would I be out here if I was" he confessed.
"Isaac, I didn't want to hurt you. And the truth is, I did start to like you. But..."
"Shhh," he put his finger on my lip "no more" he said. I was lost. I looked at him and my heart turned into mush. He inched toward me and soon we were face to face. He put his arm over his guitar, and behind my neck. And he pulled me in. The kiss was magical. It made my heart flutter and we didn't even open our mouths. He stopped and then moved in again, this time opening his mouth a little. He looked at me after, still close to my face, "Anything?" He asked quietly.
I paused. "No" I lied. He moved back slowly and held onto his guitar again.
"Then be with him" he said looking down. He actually meant it. It wasn't a threatening suggestion, it was from the heart.
"It's to late hun, he already picked you" I said.
He looked up again, with a smile of warmth on his face. I guessed I told him something that meant more to him then I would ever know. "I know I just met you Christa, and I know that I don't know you very well. But you are important to me. I DO want to see you again. I was just mad when I said that. I want you to be with him okay? Right now your friendship means more to me than any relationship we could have had.... and besides, you would have had to quit smoking if you ever got with me" He grinned. I smiled at him as I butted out the cigarette.
"Well I guess it wouldn't have worked out anyway, cause I'm not about to quit smoking on demand" I said smiling.
"Anyway... I'm going to talk some sense into Taylor... well you know what I mean. If he really wants to be with you I'm going to tell him that he can. Not like I can pick his girlfriends for him, but once again you know what I mean." He looked at his watch. "We should crash now babe, it's like almost 4 here" he said. We stood up and he walked me to my door, his guitar still strapped around his shoulder. I hugged him over it. He kissed me gently on the cheek. "We could have been good together," he said. "But I'm happier like this I think"
I smiled at him, "Me too Isaac. Good-night".
He took my hand and kissed it, "Good-night" he replied. He looked like he was going to cry, like he knew it was final now. I pinched his chin. We were being way too cute.
"I feel like saying I love you" I said. I probably shouldn't have said that, but it was true.
"Then say it. Here, I'll say it first, I love you Christa, thank-you for becoming a good friend." He smiled warmly.
"I love you too Ike, and I will always be here for you okay?" I replied. He nodded and I turned around and let my-self in, he touched my back and I turned around. He put the hand that had just touched my back up to his mouth. His eyes said it all. I winked at him and he smiled and turned away. I shut the door and the light was on. I fell up against the door.
"I don't think anyone can be that disgustingly cute unless it's fucking 4 am." I said. I explained the whole thing to Johanna who fought desperately to stay awake. "So now all I have to wait for is for Isaac to tell Taylor, and the see what happens" I finished. "So, what happened in the hot tub" I asked. She gave a huge yawn.
"Uh, I will have to tell you in the morning, I can't even keep my eyes open anymore" She said. The morning, it was going to be the last one. But possibly the first of something else... possibly.