"I decided that this morning thing really stinks... you know, getting up and everything."
- Sean
"I poison pigeons in the park, but I can't step on a chair without apologizing."
- Professor Jaines
"You are all responsible for my redeption."
- Professor Stern
"Somebody cut out Jasper's tongue?!"
-Mary Al, from Theresa Nelson's book The Empress of Elsewhere, said by me, aka Jammin' Jennie
"The Jews love Wacky!"
- Princess Leah
"Phone Crew! I'm on the Phone Crew! My name is Jennie! I'll give you a penny! So call me now!...Phone Crew, I think I love you!"
-sung by me, Jammin' Jennie, written by "Uncle" Lou
"That was the last time I did that experiment with a living kid."
- The Dirtmeister
"Are you Jewish Richard Cohen!?"
- Rachel Mickenberg
"I'm urinating on your doornob."
- Sean (not outside my door)
"So is work work is work...work?"
-Aaron Cohen
"They're drinking cream soda and chucking lollipops at each other, they're a very streight-edge crew...not like any I've ever encountered..."
- Laurent Pelletier, commenting on a story I wrote that's based on my Hunter Friends
"GIVE ME MORE FUCKING CREDIT THAN THAT - 1/2 a BEFORE I'M - NOT A FEW"
- Laurent Pelletier, randomly written on my story
"Minerals are on the great chain of being?...The don't be though..."
- Lily Davis
"One of the most important things about the Virgin Mary is that's she's a virgin."
- Professor Greenspan
"...a chin like a rabbit scurrying into the foreset..."
- Professor Greenspan
Tim: "Hey Jennie. How's Moore?"
Me: "Big and pink."
Aaron: "Hi, will you sign something for me?"
Me: "Sure, what are you running for?"
Aaron: "King."
"We have to drive the porcelain bus by one AM or we're in trouble."
- Professor Lewis
"Have a normal and sane evening."
- the checkout woman at Price Chopper
"Yo soy tan alto como un arbol."
- Paco Goodwin
Jennie Schneier (me): "You're looking at me very strangely, why?"
Matthew Moore: "Cause you're just wearing the biggest yellow thing I've ever seen in my life."
"It sounds kind of bad saying 'I want a dingle' over and over again."
- Ken
"Greeks are horny people."
- Scott
"Ultimately, it's the woman's okey-dokey we're all waiting for."
- Professor Cahn
"Dumping plane loads of shit on people is pretty striking."
- Jennie Schneier (me)
"B flat is a half step below C, which is which is the first thing on the thing that has all the things."
- Matthew Moore
"It has to be like a D, but it can't be a D, so it has to be some kind of C thingy."
- Professor Rosengarten
"Baby Spice! My Baby Spice! I've lost all my respect for you!"
- Jon Foss
"I'm seeing double...I'm trying to see single, but closing one eye doesn't work."
- Timon
"You look a lot more naked when you're wearing shoes."
- Juana
Profesora Grant: "Who else here has keeny-end-toes?"
Gustavo: "I lost mine in the war."
"We could blow up California and all go live on tiny islands."
- Beth
"Sucka!"
- Professor Linrothe
"Depression is Skidmore food."
- Greg
Jesús: "There's also an anatomically correct Ken doll now."
Profesora Grant: "Thank God!"
"You room with the hardest person in the world to keep up with. She was like 'let's go dance!' and then she's like 'aaaagh!' and then she's gone."
- Garreth
"You meet a new person and either they have earlobes or they don't have earlobes...and then you have to get used to this whole new set of earlobes."
- Professora Grant
Aaron: "Piano"
Dave: "I play piano"
Aaron: "You play hockey."
Dave: "Same thing"
"I don't like this game. I keep losing"
- Alex Carballo, referring to my Muppet Game
"I want you dead!"
- Ann Polak
"Maybe if she comes in and we're all in here spinning around on our chairs maybe she won't wanna teach class!"
- Zorro
Student: "Eating in the dining hall."
Teacher: "What's stressfull about that?"
Student: "It's not food."
"Your husband has no cows, only pumpkins!"
- The Masai Women
"The white sheriff of Africa had sex with his mother."
- Tall Matt
"I almost stabbed my chicken off nine-thousand times!"
- Taylor
TIV '98 Quotes:
(Adventures In Eavesdropping by Jennie)
"It has a pointed end to it so you can use it as a weapon."
- Chris Hunger
"Spaghetti. Lots of spaghetti. Like two pounds of spaghetti."
- Nate Hakken
Alicia: "There's a hole in your pantalones dear Elana dear Elana."
Elana: "Then mend it dear Alicia dear Alicia."
"I never let my feet touch the ground."
- Sharleen
"The worst is when you're on the subway and you need to sneeze."
- Alicia Brown
"Sharleen, smoking is bad for your health...but you know it's better to smoke a pen."
- Alicia
"I can't wait until the sex meeting."
- Alicia
"I have a really peculiar sense of rhythm."
- Nate
"We have to move this tree just a few feet...I wonder if we can do that with maintenence..."
- Kevin
"Jerking off on doornobs is definitly not allowed."
- Chris
"I heard a rumor that Kat had a walkie-talkie up her butt for two days."
- someone, possibly Mike V., I don't remember for sure, it might have been Chris, it's possible that it could have been Kat herself.
"Wha-hoa! That's pretty awesome-cool-beans!"
- Greg Finger
"I'm on crack...just kidding!"
- Leah Friedman
"...and that's the last time I said 'giddiyap' to that dog!"
- Hope
"Chickens aren't very smart, they don't remember things that you tell them."
- Anna MacEwan
"What are you writing now?...Are you gonna write 'what are you writing now?'?...You should write 'what are you writing now?'."
- Hannah Hamavid
"My nose went to France and came back."
- Yashieka Smith
"I was born once, I talk once."
- Yashieka
"My family is single-handedly supporting the chicken industry."
- Laura Feinstein
"If you go home orange they'll stone you."
- Steve Blum
"You're not using any of my bras until you take a shower."
- Simone (Momo) Jennings
"It would be so much better if I had three hands."
- someone at one of my arts and crafts activities
"Let's play strip frisbee!"
- Sharleen
-"What's the penalty?"
-"Castration."
-"Isn't that Thoreau's answer to everything."
-- Laura's dream
Sharleen: "Nothing cold is funny."
Mark Poons: "What about a ventriloquist in a freezer?"
"I need to put my penis on my feet."
- Nate
"Can I borrow your penis?"
- Sharleen
"Martha Stewart is like MacGyver for housewives."
- Mike V.
"You know when Kyle's more mature than you that you're having fun."
- Poons
"It's a bug-bite gone terribly wrong."
- Lenita Turk
"I think we should get a goat."
- Liz Feinstein
"Mom? Can we get a goat?"
- Suzanna Feinstein
Dory: "Why do you have your eyeballs in there?"
Hope: "Because I wanna keep them moist."
"I hate that! Because you don't have hands where your feet are!"
- Hope
"Jennie! The office wants you!"
- Hope
"I'm gonna sit with Jennie cause she's cool."
- Kim
me: "I can't believe you guys are talking about this stuff in front of me."
Gabe: "It's cause you're cool."
"Jennie? Has anyone told you yet that you're the bomb?"
- Mike V.
"Jennie makes the best announcements."
- Leah F.
"This is just redundant...if it's with Jennie you know that it's automatically fun."
- Mike V.
"It'll be fun even though it's not with Jennie."
- Mike V.
"Jennie, you're the woman."
- Laura
"The best part of the montage was Jennie."
- Nate
Kevin: "My shoes are wet."
me: "My shoes are we too."
Kevin: "Yeah, but you got your voice in the montage."
"Listen to Leopard boy, he knows."
- Roger (about Scott)
"Yeah dip flowers!"
- David (Bobo) Boylan
"On Tuesdays I eat Lorenzo!"
- Jackson
"Sunday? Sundays I eat Mark Poons!"
- Jackson
"My dream is to get a Teva tan."
- Ben Floreman
"We're in Vermont so it's not terribly exciting to be this cold, but if we were in Alaska it would be."
- Stephen Edel
"If you attach toast to the back of a cat it'll float."
- my paraphrasing of Stephen's deep knowledge
"Time was born free!"
- Brett
"The internet usually says real stuff."
- Maddi Gressel
"I've got a front-butt!"
- Andy Renfry
"Whoa! Look at that pig in the tree!"
- Ben Floreman
"Hurry up! The cows are coming!"
- a general cry hear all over camp one day during second session
"Jennie! You're popping out of your clothes"
- Steve Blum
"Nature boy was chasing cows today."
- Shaun Levine
"Everybody stay away from the fluffball!"
- Andrew Roka
"I'm down with The Scaries."
- Bobby Gains
"Smelly overpowers goodness every time"
- Latonya
"Big rock. Big rock."
- Andy Renfry
"Eric Royo is a big fat poop."
- Aaron Lemon
"J'o mamma's so fat that when she tries on clothes she really tries the clothes!"
- Buffy
"I got crazy baking skills."
- Dylan
"Donde esta mi puta?"
- Buffy
"People with hemeroids are the luckiest gamblers."
- The Weekly World News
"It was my idea so I get to be on top."
- Gabe
"Hey man! Take the kite down man!"
- the guy at the reggae fest
"We're going onion shopping."
- Gavin Thomas
"He stole my ice-cream."
- Carl
"LR one, this is Patater."
- Nate
"I talk on the radio!"
- Atoba Tate
"Word? That's mad phat!"
- Dylan
"I know your girlfriend. She has long fingernails."
- Stormy
"Girls become women and men just buy more expensive toys."
- Lena
"Jennie and Abi are big Jews."
- Zoe Tobier
"Boys suck!"
- Deborah Levison
Dane Martinez: "It's Land-O-Lakes on an everything bagel"
Evan Neuman: "It's more like 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' on a poppyseed biali."
"Sit down for your rights!"
- Mike MacDonald
"Power to the tired!"
- Shawn Glover
"Everyone there will give baked cheese?"
- Marcy Block, trying to understand the lyrics to "America" from Westside Story
"That's the trouble with rainy days! It rains in the morning and then it doesn't when you leave so you fucking forget your umbrella!"
- Richard Schuster
"Akil? Ha ha! I got stuck with him again!"
- Ms. Moutoussis
"I'm a second semester senior. I'm taking off my shoes."
- Jennie Schneier (me)
"Happy Valentines to the girls not to the guys!"
- The Friendly Bald Janitor
"Tony's mad deep yo."
- Lin-Manuel Miranda
"Everything you say sounds like performance art."
- Arie Rubenstein
"Do you ever marvel at your own stupidity?"
- Dave Baharvar
"Now I have to plagorize my papers from a completely different source."
- Mike Highland
"She's an evil wench woman from outerspace Mars."
- Kevin Coyne
"That's the biggest xylophone I've ever seen!"
- Doug Julie
"I know why we did so well last night! We all did the Hungy Bungy!"
- Dane Martinez
Mike MacDonald: "I hear you did some interesting things with popcorn."
Gabe Mendlow: "Sticking it in my nose? Who told you that? We aren't supposed to release that information."
"You can only kill so many people with The Bomb, but Mad Cow Disease!"
- Dane Martinez
"Jonathan! Not here!"
- Ms. Yaloz
"Math everywhere!"
- Ms. Yaloz
"Not strange, just evil."
- Adam Rauscher
"They're so dependant on our rhubarb."
- Ms. Jawanda
"The monkey was up there masturbating."
- Skip Kennon (BMI)
Jon Wolff: "I have a question about attire for the prom. Do I have to wear a tuxedo?"
Sophie Oberfield: "No, but you have to wear clothing."
"Beth, I think you've reached your penis quota."
- Liz Bernstein
"Gabe's balls exploded."
- Jean Park
"Mr. Borten is a smart dude."
- Matt Malter-Cohen
"Let's play spin the loofa!"
- Judy Wang
"My God, Tony, you're growing hair...everywhere!"
- Valentine Chaann
"Val's just like a big teddy bear!"
- David Isaacson
"It must be so confusing to be you."
- Liz Bernstein, as said to Julia Kopelson
"I was eating soup and my lens of my glasses fell out and now I like can't hear."
- Eddie
"I like 'Baywatch' better than 'ER'...it's a better show!"
- Marcy Block
"My house is very big and it's filled with fat grandmas!"
- Lin-Manuel Miranda
Nick Dietz: "You're Dave I., and Dave I. doesn't curse at people."
David Isaacson: "I don't do it that often because then when I really need it, it doesn't have any emotional cathartic value."
"Fried bugs, roasted bugs, it's just like chicken."
- Ms. Gannon
"Let's play hit the big ball with the tennis racket."
- Judd Greenstein
"Don't you have any chickens?"
- Judd Greenstein
Lael Greenstein: "Mmmmm...I love it soooooooo much!"
Judd Greenstein: "What?"
Lael Greenstein: "Cheeeeeeeese!"
"Let's discuss mutilation!"
- Mr. Wallace
"You know why? Because they're both nerds!"
- Mike MacDonald
"Never thought you'd get out of there did you?...Hey, maybe she's puking 'cause you're her boyfriend!"
- some guy in a car yelling out of his window at me and Matt the day after the prom, giving Matt a true New York experience he could quote back to his friends in North Carolina
"Don't let Tony play with anything cause he'll break it."
- Arie Rubenstein
"Wakey wakey! It's morningtime!"
- Larry Miller
"Like math is hard. It sucks! Heh heh."
- John Hanson
"Do you have any sourdough bread Mr. K?"
- Ed Friedman
"If you kick a little guy he'll fly far."
- Doc
"Geep geep geepon geepon geep geep geepon!"
- Mike, Laura and that song
"It's all dumb and lame until broken glass flies into your eye...then it's fun!"
- Mike MacDonald
"Get your own girlfriend with her own sweatshirt!"
- Matt Tomich
"Can you read?"
- Eric Roereig
"If the world's going to end next year, then I'm definitely not taking chemistry this summer."
- Deborah Levison
"I laugh like an athsmatic goat."
- David Isaacson
"I was like 'must resist Spice Girls...must resist Spice Girls'...and I lost."
- Val
"Albany is for sucks."
-Matt Tomich
"This is a really long drive for an hour."
- Matt Tomich
"Yeah, Sarah, the one with the face..."
- Ryan McKellar
"This frog will not wear a halter cause nothing halts this frog!"
- Kermit
"You said you loved me more than toast, but less than a staplegun."
- The Mr. T. Experience
"New York is filled with lots of tourists and actors."
- a Canadian boy named Thuction